the other day, i got the email from screw saying she would be back from uk in july. suddenly i felt nostalgic, so i went to check out some of the old stuff with us inside...

then i suddenly remembered an odd conversation i had with ben.
its funny, because its seldom we ever have a interesting and/or meaningful conversation without me getting irritated or annoyed by his replies or rebuttals, because whatever he says, it always seems to oppose me. but perhaps this has something to do with the philosophy or language, or maybe its because im female, and hes male, or maybe its just because im unreasonable, or he's obnoxious, or maybe both.

you know, there are just people that you end up quarrelling with, despite how much effort you try not to. things just happen that way...

and some people you just fail to understand.


i asked him,
how do you know if true love lasts?

he paused for a while, looked pensive,
then he gave his usual ben-look
and then he opened his mouth and said,

'once a man went to my pastor.
the man said, what should i do, pastor? i dont love my wife anymore.
the pastor told the man, 'go home and love your wife.'
the man looked confused for a moment, then repeated himself; but i dont love my wife anymore.

the pastor looked the man in the eye and told him again,
go home, and love your wife.'

then ben fell silent.
i looked at him, and then i too, fell silent.





its conversations like these that i remember.

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sometimes i feel an incapacity to feel, to be creative, to be hopeful and young.
maybe because its killed all the naivety, hopefullness and enegry inside of me...
some people you get to know,
the things they say, what they believe in, what they do
their habits, their behaviour, their attitudes,
even the way they brood,

it sticks on you.
or it sticks to you, rather.


whoever said peer pressure a crucial part of development is darn right.

--------------------------------------------
playing on my wmplayer:

you never know - clazziquai

chorus:

people know, how to make it come and go
all that i know, you never stay

you never know, because you never mind
you never know, because you never lie

people know, how to make it come and go
all that i know, is you never stay

all i wanna do [i know] with you [everyday]
you will never know [did you know] what im at [futuristic]

all i wanna do [you never know] with you [cause you never mind]
you will never know [did you know] what...[futuristic]

you were always busy loving yourself
never knew what you ve done to me
nothing ever seemed to be so beautiful, beautiful, beautiful


breaking through - toshinobu kubokata

chorus:

you re in my thoughts, you re in my heart
i know that its love; cant prove
you re in my thoughts, you re in my heart,
i know that its love; cant prove

the moment that you caught my eye,
must admit that i was infatuated
the way you dance to
i knew that i was gonna make you my lady

[this is the best part of the song, nevermind he repeats it for n times]
it feels so better, since we're together
it feels so better, since we're together
it feels so better, since we're together


speechless[vanilla soul remix] - clazziquai

your skin, your breath, and i touch you, with your thousand memories
and i feel, your soul smoothly, into my ears; cant take my eyes away from you

im speechless, i gotta get to you and take your hands and kiss
im so sad and blind, i feel no goal and where is my soul and sense
im speechless, i gotta get to you and take your hands and say
im so lost but feel and still cannot do anything [speechless]

you live without me, and then, my pain, deep into, my body and soul
and i cry, so loud, to set my mind away, please wake up, and then take my hand


im speechless, i gotta get to you and take your hands and kiss
im so sad and blind, i feel no goal and where is my soul and sense
im speechless, i gotta get to you and take your hands and say
im so lost but feel and still cannot do anything, anything


msn me if you're interested to get the songs.
im itching to start a music-d/d blog site.

not yet, after the exams.