i realise my pattern of study is detrimental to my results.

way way before the exams, i will draw a study plan.
i will NOT, follow the study plan.
i will study hard way, way before the exam.
as time progresses and the exam nears,

my hard work drops
equation goes as follows =
amount of time before exam directly proportional to amount of work/effort put in to preparation for exam

i tend to start digressing and procrastinating before the exam.
watch dramas, go out, sleep, stone, read books [for leisure, mind you. the only books besides my readings that i bother to read are fiction. fiction ONLY.]



lately i have also realised that i am a straight woman.
which is good.
either that, or a gay man trapped in a woman's body, because

I LOVE ANDROGYNOUS MEN.

i yearn to post their pictures here on this post but i fear i will end up sounding like a squealing fan girl, thus i restrain. *squirms in seat*

i shall keep the nicest picture for my display pic.
that will be enough.

*satisfied grin*

dreams will be dreams.
a thousand threads are running through my mind
it's no surprise i suffer from sleepless nights.

time is lonely
and summer's blinding
morning's been waiting all night

let no worries daunt you
let no distress haunt you
tonight

godspeed i travel
blinded by light



heaven's on fire.
_______________________________________

sunshine sent me a couple of great rockin' house pieces by hed kandi, and immediately, as expected, i got hooked.
its seriously addictive. i quickly switched to serious-foot-tapping-head-bobbing autopilot mode as the catchy beat came on...

i mean, i like chillout pieces, and i love lounge, but

i never knew i was a house-kind-of-person.
well.
now i do, i guess.

exams are 3 days away but im still enjoying myself in la-la-land.
BOLLOCKS, IT DOESNT EVEN FEEL LIKE THE EXAMS, DAMNIT!!!!!!!!!
*calm expression returns*
frmph.
well.
i m studying, but not enough, i should think.
not as much as i would like.

i want to do well, seriously.
and i ve been lucky [DAMN lucky, in fact, if i have to come clean] considering the fact that [yes i am going to repeat again] i-as-a-crazy-year-one-did-not-manage-to-bid-for-my-desired-exposure-modules-during-this-
sem-and-bid-for-3-2000-and-1-3000-module-yes-i-am-freaking-crazy.
and what.
im not bragging, but
i got
A- for my chinese paper. [WHAT THE HECK???/!! of course, thanks to plagiarism.]
B for my philo papers, 9/10 for grp presentation [this isnt that much of a big thing to fuss abt]
A for my psych 3000 module grp stuff, and a rather high grade for the individual test [which
i am not revealing incase if i do, i give you an impression that im a conceited-self-centred-biggot-bastard HAH]
11.5/15, and B for grp project for my film module [this one can be explained. we stayed in the comp lab from 6pm to 6 am to edit the film damnit. i just realised i use a lot of damnit-s in this post. frmph]

getting my sc2205 term paper tmr. im scared shittless. *jelly legs*
sigh/
wish me luck.

I NEED TO WAKE UP AND MUG FOR THE EXAMS LA DARN IT

but im so fidgety and impatient [trying to read those hopeless socio readings which should have been done n weeks ago] i must have tried n different positions sitting on that plastic chair [that is quite comfortable and good for posture actually, i realised]

im finally starting to enjoy shopping [for clothes] a little.
that would be a timely subtle move towards womanhood, i suppose.
considering all those unpleasant and time-wasting shopping trips in the past

imagine me, holding someone else's shopping bags, standing at the side, looking disinterested.

i still havent been able to enjoy the full force of unrestricted, spontaneous, at-liberty retail therapy. there's still always this nagging voice at the back of my head preventing me from buying unnecessary items, or necessary items that are above my self-set budget. not tjhat its bad, that is. i'd just like to be able to spend as much as i like for one day ...



i doubt that will ever realise.

tired.

qiu ping =) kon san.
ne san loves you!














Landmarks of our friendship and countless pimples.











who says i'm not handsome!

*smirk* [i'm such a conceited bastard, HAHA]















we love the night.
clubbing and drinks too. *innocent smile*

















wife and kon san.












i DO act stupid sometimes. *winces*










silly dare.



i DO act stupid more than sometimes.
*runs to a corner to hide*















wife; what an angel looks like =)
















MAFIA. rule the world with violence.













you make me happy; i can't forget to smile.

Exams are coming soon. I know i should be focused, but there are like a 1000 other things on my mind, running through my head... i can't control these thoughts.

I like it here in the early morning when everything is still and silent. only the cold morning air whisphers in my ear; even the sunlight seems stagnant. Everything is beautiful, everything seems eternal, even though i know its really not. That's some wonderful specimen of hyperreality i get every morning, eh? *smirk*

Met up with wife, hot babe and kon san over the weekend.
It was so surreal i almost felt like crying.
I just realised i haven't been laughing and feeling so at ease like this for such a long time...
it's like i forgot to take off the mask i've made to protect myself...

Everything was so nice, so wonderful, [even shopping included, considering how i am an advocate of not shopping and the epitome of 'cheapo' and 'auntie-ness] i just didnt want it to end.

That day, after the episode at home, i went to meet wife to pass her the vcd.
taking 13, it was like remembering all the tuesdays i used to run from my house to her house all the way, singing along to my mp3 as the scenery passed me by...
and then, seeing her gentle smile...
i miss her.
i miss everything.



I'm having reservations about staying in hall again.
Im quite sure i ll have enough points to stay. And assuming my results remain their current state, or rather, even better, improve, that would be... well.... brilliant of course. Smashing, really. but...
im not sure if there are enough things to make me want to stay
rather its more of i dont really want to go back...
sigh...

Im still wishing that kon san was my roommate
that maybe if stupid eusoff hall had approved of her application,
things would be different x n [where n is an integer ------> infinity] now...
i don't know... im just so confused....
i miss kon san so much... =( while we were taking lessons together at least we could still met for occasional crazy-delifrance-seven-dollar-buffet-binges, and then stone in class after that... now i dont even see her in school anymore...

worse still.
gf is moving out next sem because she wants to be with her mom when her brother leaves for studies overseas... shes always so understanding and compromising; my heart lurches and my stomach churns when i think about how she puts others before her and sacrifices herself without any more than an afterthought...

i still have friends here, but its not as if...
its not like i have a really great group of friends who are indispensible to me...
those who really matter aren't here, so why stay on?

I dont even know why im thinking like this
i ll probably stay anyway. since this is a rather good environment to study...
and if i don't stay in hall, i ll quit all my ccas except for kendo maybe...
even the thought of staying for practice...
oh, my classes end at 5 and 6 respectively on mon and thurs...*smiles*
it must be fate...



its not like im lacking anything
What more am i wishing for?



i want to go on a holiday.
not so far away; saving money to go to japan next year...
so... some place nearer this december/jan? anyway most of my savings from working after As will be blown on my new bogu set...

Misread-Kings of convenience

If you wanna be my friend
You want us to get along
Please do not expect me to
Wrap it up and keep it there

The observation I am doing could
Easily be understood
As cynical demeanour
But one of us misread...
And what do you know
It happened again
A friend is not a means
You utilize to get somewhere
Somehow I didn't notice
friendship is an end

What do you know
It happened again

How come no-one told me
All throughout history
The loneliest people
Were the ones who always spoke the truth
The ones who made a difference
By withstanding the indifference
I guess it's up to me now
Should I take that risk or just smile?

What do you know
It happened again
What do you know

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


everytime i look into your cold, cold eyes,
i swallow the urge i have to smile and say hello
and i just turn around and walk away as fast as i can


i doubt you ll ever smile at me again

flight.


I watched him silently as he sat by my window. Gently, he turned around to look at me. With the same curious, caution eyes, he watched back at me. I could not express the thousand thoughts running through my mind. They say when a man is silent, he is listening to you; when a woman is silent, a thousand thoughts are running through her mind.

He was listening to me, to the thousand thoughts running through my mind. His smile was slow, as if it was something delicious and enigmatic. His eyes were bright, clear, almost as if to show the fortitude present in his mind. He was strong, brave and uninhibited. He stretched out his hand, as if to invite.

‘Fly with me’, he said.

I opened my mouth, but no words came. Words are but superficial, useless representations of my thoughts; and how could he understand? But he did. Without instruction, my hand reached out in response to his outstretched hand. I could not fathom the extreme fear I had at my own foolish and folly. I was bold, crazy, and fervent. I wanted to pretend, but I could not. For in front of him, I was bare and exposed, without any defense. He saw straight through the front I had so painstakingly tried to put up in vain to protect my weak, senseless self. Slowly, the night began to engulf me; it swallowed me whole; my loneliness, my sadness, my mindlessness. I was slowly being eaten away; yet it is with relish that I remember that beautiful aftertaste; it left a lasting memory on my tongue.

He gently covered his hand over my eyes. His hand was large and warm; his fingers long and rough. As his palm slowly covered my line of sight, I felt surrounded by a feeling of assurance. He knew. It was the same feeling I had felt before; when I was protected, when I mattered to someone.



The night always seems so inviting.
I knew if I flew with him,

I would be gone forever.

for your visual satisfaction, yet MORE photos!




some guys [-____-]
shannon, james, shi meng, ernest, parry














shannon purposely moving away so i cant take a nice shot of him [camera-shy!*shakes head*]
















parry [again!?] and ck [smiling generously]













last but not the least, a rather silly shot of me, stuck in the middle of these sillier guys [*wide grin*] i never knew i was so small =D







even though im no longer being constantly reminded to use my diaphragm; looking at photocopied sheets of music scores that make no sense to me [since i dont read music, they just look like black green-bean-sprouts to me... ok that was weird. frmph]; trying to see if i can put in 4 fingers when i drop my jaw; enjoying the shock written over people's faces when they realise i sing the highest sop part...

even though the people arent the same...
even though ash, screw, sneey, huey, bingxi, ben arent there...

its like different but the same.
its like jamais vu.



i kind of knew it all along i guess. deep down inside....
some things feel the same.
and oddly, or maybe not-so-oddly, some people remind me of other people.
its like, the first time i saw parry, i kind of remembered ben. which was/is weird because they probably have absolutely nothing in common, besides the fact that they re both male... and that they.... well.... *drifts off*

well. *smile*
anyway. yes, i ve found a nice place here. jenna, harni, bao fang, the girls.. =) the 8 of us that is.
james, ck, weijun, jiawei, jie jing, shannon, parry, ernest, jonathan, blah blah....

its funny how you look back at the first impressions you had of people after you ve gotten to know them.

for example, i had the impression that james was really unfriendly. hahaha. which is super weird because reality is totally the opposite! and i felt that parry was like aloof.... frmph, the way he makes funny remarks...*speechless*. And the most bizarre one has got to be shannon. the first time he left an impression was because i was doing souji and slipped and fell, and he turned out to be the first guy on my right who witnessed my most lau kui moment. *disgruntled face*

its funny how things turn out.

but hey, im not complaining.