Exams are coming soon. I know i should be focused, but there are like a 1000 other things on my mind, running through my head... i can't control these thoughts.

I like it here in the early morning when everything is still and silent. only the cold morning air whisphers in my ear; even the sunlight seems stagnant. Everything is beautiful, everything seems eternal, even though i know its really not. That's some wonderful specimen of hyperreality i get every morning, eh? *smirk*

Met up with wife, hot babe and kon san over the weekend.
It was so surreal i almost felt like crying.
I just realised i haven't been laughing and feeling so at ease like this for such a long time...
it's like i forgot to take off the mask i've made to protect myself...

Everything was so nice, so wonderful, [even shopping included, considering how i am an advocate of not shopping and the epitome of 'cheapo' and 'auntie-ness] i just didnt want it to end.

That day, after the episode at home, i went to meet wife to pass her the vcd.
taking 13, it was like remembering all the tuesdays i used to run from my house to her house all the way, singing along to my mp3 as the scenery passed me by...
and then, seeing her gentle smile...
i miss her.
i miss everything.



I'm having reservations about staying in hall again.
Im quite sure i ll have enough points to stay. And assuming my results remain their current state, or rather, even better, improve, that would be... well.... brilliant of course. Smashing, really. but...
im not sure if there are enough things to make me want to stay
rather its more of i dont really want to go back...
sigh...

Im still wishing that kon san was my roommate
that maybe if stupid eusoff hall had approved of her application,
things would be different x n [where n is an integer ------> infinity] now...
i don't know... im just so confused....
i miss kon san so much... =( while we were taking lessons together at least we could still met for occasional crazy-delifrance-seven-dollar-buffet-binges, and then stone in class after that... now i dont even see her in school anymore...

worse still.
gf is moving out next sem because she wants to be with her mom when her brother leaves for studies overseas... shes always so understanding and compromising; my heart lurches and my stomach churns when i think about how she puts others before her and sacrifices herself without any more than an afterthought...

i still have friends here, but its not as if...
its not like i have a really great group of friends who are indispensible to me...
those who really matter aren't here, so why stay on?

I dont even know why im thinking like this
i ll probably stay anyway. since this is a rather good environment to study...
and if i don't stay in hall, i ll quit all my ccas except for kendo maybe...
even the thought of staying for practice...
oh, my classes end at 5 and 6 respectively on mon and thurs...*smiles*
it must be fate...



its not like im lacking anything
What more am i wishing for?



i want to go on a holiday.
not so far away; saving money to go to japan next year...
so... some place nearer this december/jan? anyway most of my savings from working after As will be blown on my new bogu set...