sometimes i wish i could be more honest with myself.

i can feel the times when i surpress my inner self because i feel i have to conform to societal norms.
i can feel the times i treat the person i like very badly because i dont want to risk getting hurt.
i can feel the times i actually push away help when i need it the most.

i hate being weak.
i hate the feeling of being helpless; the surge that overwhelms me, as realisation dawns upon me and i see that my ability is, well, only limited to that much.


sometimes i wish i could appreciate myself more.

i can recall the times i gaze in awe; as i gush on and on about how beautiful, how atheletic, how sporting, how wonderful other people are.
i can recall the times i try to squish away the envy when others surround me.
i can recall the times i cringe when i look at myself in the mirror.

i hate not loving myself.
i do love myself, but not enough.
i hate the feeling of being at odds with parts of myself; trying to reason with myself, trying to convince myself, trying to inflate my ego.


i want to be strong.
i want to be everything.
but at the same time,
i know i know nothing.

but that's all that matters, right?
after all, socrates, arguably the greatest philosopher in history, said
the only thing i know, is that i know nothing.

so maybe it's all about being humble and accepting. about knowing one's limits; about appreciating one's better characteristics; about having the thirst for knowledge, and the feeling of contentment with one's current physical, materialistic state.



im not sure what to think now.
yesterday, i think saw.... hints of somewhat...
at least if i didnt read wrongly, that was...
and that would mean... it's significance...

what should i do now?



its always about taking things one step at a time...