I've been finding it increasingly difficult to find that equilibrium point.
It's like i'm always at odds with myself; always finding fault; always unhappy; unsatisfied; thinking i could do more; regretting what i didn't do...
i end up thinking too much; doing too little
brooding in senseless things; missing out on the big issues...


well, on a lighter note,
im back from the first half of hall camp, which is, well, certainly better than i had expected.
our group did surprisingly well; we won some games and the big show in a extremely crazed and tyco manner [not that i mind though]
it seemed like our group was uber-enthu and uber-united and everything

i know its stupid to wish that groups didnt have cliques but i did and i still do.
its not that i didnt expect them; they exist, exactly as i expected they would, but somehow that nebulous hope in my heart was...

for the big show, i think we all put lots of effort into it.
and for a lot of other things as well.
when the emcees announced our names,
as we cheered madly, crazily, insanely, thrusting our fists into the air; clapping our hands non-stop
i felt this surge of belonging and loyalty.

what i am glad is, that i got to know these people. that we managed to be in the same silly toothbrush group and that we managed to hang on in the midst of this craziness together.
im glad we have hong wei as our ic, because he is warm and caring and blur [though a tad naggy at times]

what im sad about is not being about to form a substantial relationship with anyone.
come to think of it, since jc, i dont think i have ever been able to accomplish that.

im trying to hard to find out my identity, because i dont really know where i stand.
i know its my fault more than anyone else's.
that's the worst part.



ok ok. i shall stop brooding. there are lots of things to be happy about.

because he is lying in a corner of my room!
i just met him a few days ago, and i can tell you, it was love at first sight!
it was the rush of blood in my veins and i gushed about him to my friends,
it was the plain delight as infatuation overwhelmed me.
let me tell you more...

he is clear and pure... and i can see right through him.
he does not speak; he does not lie.
he does not put up a front; he does not envy others
he is, him. and that is all that matters.

his bare existence lies nakedly for me to see...
he smiles silently was i watch him from my seat
my mouth curls as i hold his hand. it is firm; it is sturdy....

... ...
guess what!
i managed to buy a transparent umbrella!
*smirk*

i almost got you tricked there, right?

i cant hide the romantic inside....


i cant wait to use him!!!! hurrah =D

technically im not, but
it feels like im in love.