friday. mug at library again. im miffed that stacy ask us to buy the yearly tys. crap. waste money lah, we got the topicly one alrdy... and i went to buy, only to realise ming feng gave me his old one
lucky i havent buy part 2
now all i need is to borrow from someone to photocop. 2003 and 2004 paper

friday
wait. maybe i m at hui chiangs house studying. :) yay.
hui chiang, qiu han, qiu ping
hurrah
and me

:) it was always you and me
always
and forever
ba ba ba ba ba
it was always you and me
always

im so sad that this doesnt come out only on the day itself. nvm. if u see this now and read the date and know its wrong,
DONT CHEAT
read this on thurs k?
promise. pleaseee.

thurs. frmph. studying with jia yong and joyce at toa payoh lib. 10-5 probably. oh man.
lol
:)
mug mug mug
love is ephermal.
did i spell it correctly? not sure.
i always failed spelling anyway.

wednesday. :0
short day! i end super early. plus i think there are like 2 free periods. crap. kurdos to those who did the timetabling argh. joyce and mich and yichao and ant have like
break
lesson
break
break
leson
break
lesson

haiz. so suay. oh well. but the horoscope book says wednesday is my best day leh. hahaha. for virgo, wednesday is ur lucky day, and thurs is your swayest day. oh man. and i rmbr in pri school, all the time, i realised that bad things [like forget to bring textbook, get punished] always happen on thurs....

i just realised the words i use here are so layman until cannot be more layman. urgh
okay, shall attempt to use more erm unlayman words

abt the nebulous hope that my grades will morph from the estimated FFEO to
AAAA
i need a plethora of hard work for that.
damn.

okay, im cheating. the date says tuesday but im not supposed to be online. im not lah. this is like typed beforehand. hahaha. i cheated :P

tuesday, lets see. i think i should have gotten back my results by the time you read this.
estimated grades [at best] : EEFO
estimated grades [at worst] : FFFF

ahh. i wonder what the discrepancy will be. so E(x), or mean = EFOO. standard deviation = erm , not sure how to calculate lah. lol. if i can still joke abt things it means i wont suicide, dont worry.

tuesday. in school. how boring. but lessons should be end quite early.
must rmbr to buy new pilot G2 ink pen refill. the 0.5 one. the shop downstairs only got the fat one. URGH. hahaha

enough for today :)
if ure my friend, be nice and leave me and encouraging tag.

la dee dum.

went out with hui chiang qiu ping and qiu han yesterday and had the best time in a long time. sigh
could everyday be spent so happily? i guess not. without sorrow, you would not be able to relish in the sweetness of joy..

that was very stereotyped but wholesomely true.

anyway, im burnt now. dammmit. never get tanned. i dont think i ll ever make it. the bronzed sporty look. maybe it doesnt become me. or i dont become it. whatever. i shall resign to my fate, yes yes whatever, light and fair. urgh. T_T.... things always dont turn out the way you want them
or very very slightly-but-actually-quite-significantly different.

now my furue hendo is a hue of pink. NOT CUTE. urgh. cute is out of my dictionary. bollocks.
very soon i shall be white again. might as well enjoy being pink, minus the red earth blusher.

im becoming an adrenaline junkie! running running... hahaha. maybe its good.
life is gonna be so packed from next week onwards. sigh... no more online... la dee dum :)

its a bright sunny day.
sigh.

it was a crazy day. ups and downs. not much to other people i guess, but it is MY life.
havent blogged here in a while. feels foreign. like this doesnt belong to me. or rather this doesnt feel like me.
but it is, anyway.


dont want to talk about exams, not because i did very badly or did very well, but just because these dont matter much to me anyway. not really, because these arent the things i live for. even if i got FFFF for A levels, life for me would go on. i would still want to live. of course AAAA would be better


met endomorphine today! we walked around j8, talking nonsense and eating tempura from shilin street snacks! finally now the bishan branch has it. :) good things always happen when shes around. then we went to angmokio kbox cos she wanted to ktv, ha ha. so funny. we walked around in circles like two idiots complete with a huge stack of prelim papers in toil, just because the kbox relocated to some ulu place. damn. but it was fun. *sigh* and we sang like idiots. i havent sang freely without caring about my pitching for a long time. we sang miniskirt [mini qun] by the taiwan group wang foo. damn freaking funny.she makes me high. seriously. and warm and snuggly inside. its kind of crappy to say you can ultimately trust a person, but this is definitely true, so true.
alas, her lovely smiling eyes.


at times i sigh. why am i not i wish i could be? i dont wish to be a guy because men are in any way superior to women, but rather because im sure it would make me happy. to have a girlfriend like that. to be a boyfriend like that. but i am not. so why should i complain anyway? more often than not things in life arent like what you want them to turn out to be.


pretend to be strong when you are weak
pretend to smile when you re crying
pretend things are okay when they re falling
pretend to be everything you re not just because you re not what you wish to be.


but i know im not weak so why be strong?
i dont cry easily why try to smile?
things are.... ok. not ok, but not falling either
its true, things are not what i want them to be.


im not even sad, i dont know why im saying all this. probably because im listening to a sad song.
who knows. but it can get lonely when you stay up to study in the night when everyone else is sleeping. its like a tearing feeling inside your heart. you know it cant be there, but it is, it really is.
lonely when its raining outside the bus. and all i want to do is rest my head on a shoulder. doesnt matter whose. it would just be nice to know that theres someone to lie on when i need someone
when i need someone
when i need to rest my head


im glad i always manage to control myself and rest my head against the window pane instead of whoever the person is sitting next to me. or sometimes, nobody actually.


do you feel tired sometimes? just want to rest your head on someones shoulder? have someone to rely on?
i wish my shoulder could be somewhere a person can rest on. but its sad because ...

now i realise why chat rooms and online forums are so popular. its 3.am in the morning and no ones awake to talk to you so you switch on the comp and talk to other people who are as lonely as you
internet love doesnt exist. its just company. but its nice to know theres someone you can talk to.
pity sis sleeps so early i never get to try using the comp in the wee hours of the morning.


damn. why cant i...
all of my...


what? you asked me what i want to do with the rest of my life? after A levels? if i make it? if i dont make it? what kind of work? where? what?


i want to be happy.

dedicated to my newly crowned 18 and 1/12 year old self.
bollocks. only writers who are full of themselves dedicate their writings to themselves. hell no. of which i am neither. A writer. or full of myself. but, oh who cares.


from :


the random and mundane thoughts of susan


the 3 bastards.


i spent a good part of my lazy sunday afternoon listening to 'sundau morning' and blasting about Selfish Bastard to my younger sister. Which was, rather odd, because it wasnt sunday morning, it wasnt raining, and Selfish Bastards isnt selfish or bastardly either. queer in a random sort of way. But when Selfish Bastard decides to go on one of his egocentric tirades sometimes it would simply piss me off. intolerable cruelty, really no better way to put it. But then i do remember that i am rather fond of him. Or used to be. Im not so sure. He is rather adorable at times, like a puppy. But he will remain, an enigma to me. There definitely is chemistry between the two of us, but lately the sparks have been flying due to all the wrong reasons.


Anyway, complaining about Selfish Bastard, [whom i sometimes called Bloody Bastard out of pure carelessness] reminded me of Seriously Bloody Bastard [Authentic]. The Fella i once emailed and was friends with. Passe. Did i even say 'friends'? God, i hope not. Anyway, HE, is a REAl [Authentic] specimen of a Seriously Bloody Bastard. I still get freaked out when i run into him at school nowadays. Of which these days are numbered, much to my delight. Seriously Bloody Bastard [Authentic] is the one reason i believe it is impossible to find love online. The mere existence of SBB [A] would suffice.


But moving on, worst of all BBs would definitely have to be the *pause* *drum rollll*


Ultimate Bloody Bastard [real]


Sometimes i do wonder of Ultimate BB and Seriously BB are the same person. I laugh nervously and immediately dismiss that thought. It would definitely have to be The Worst Thing Ever. Why does Ultimate BB get the title of ultimate? Because he has all the traits desires or required in a BB [real]. Yes, he is the embodiment of all greatness and grandness of Bloody Bastards. he, is the Ultimate Bloody Bastard, in full glory.


Of course, at this point of time, before any BBs-in-training stat worshipping Ultimate BB, i would have to point out the fact that he is, quite simply put, just a prank caller. wait, no, change that.
a Perverted-and-sick-in-the-mind-with-too-much-time-in-his-hands-borliao prank caller. And his numberous and seemingly endless claims using, [much to my amusement] a variety of handphone numbers, to 'accidentally' message the wrong person and express desire to befriend me, or outright perverted calls have become the bane of my existence. Should i be able to get my hands on his perverted shoulders, i would simply use my firm gripe to shake him n times with the strength of magnitude n where n is a number nearing infinity to ensure that his arms become dislocated such that it would be highly unlikely or simply impossible for his filthy hands to get hold of a phone so he can resume his harrassment.


It would be best if i live to see the day Ultimate BB gets fed on by numberous clumps of maggots. rotting, preferably. on second thought, the sight of it would make me lose my appetite. thus it would be best if Ultimate BBs deviously disgusting crimes were exposed by the Police and for his disgustingly disgruntled face to be shown on the first page of 'Home' section in the Straits Times. [i am certain this piece of news would not be able to make the headlines of the front page. much to my disappointment.]
suggested title: Ultimate Bloody Bastard crowned.
of course, that is merely one, suggestion.


i Checked my phone last night and realised i missed UBBs call twice. frigging cool. two points. very soon i shall ne able to bid the A levels goodbye and have the free time to dial 999 and deal with UBB myself.
what a lovely thought.

a word of warning before i end off
The world is full of Bastards
they just dont die, just like cockroaches.

susan, signing off.