it was a crazy day. ups and downs. not much to other people i guess, but it is MY life.
havent blogged here in a while. feels foreign. like this doesnt belong to me. or rather this doesnt feel like me.
but it is, anyway.


dont want to talk about exams, not because i did very badly or did very well, but just because these dont matter much to me anyway. not really, because these arent the things i live for. even if i got FFFF for A levels, life for me would go on. i would still want to live. of course AAAA would be better


met endomorphine today! we walked around j8, talking nonsense and eating tempura from shilin street snacks! finally now the bishan branch has it. :) good things always happen when shes around. then we went to angmokio kbox cos she wanted to ktv, ha ha. so funny. we walked around in circles like two idiots complete with a huge stack of prelim papers in toil, just because the kbox relocated to some ulu place. damn. but it was fun. *sigh* and we sang like idiots. i havent sang freely without caring about my pitching for a long time. we sang miniskirt [mini qun] by the taiwan group wang foo. damn freaking funny.she makes me high. seriously. and warm and snuggly inside. its kind of crappy to say you can ultimately trust a person, but this is definitely true, so true.
alas, her lovely smiling eyes.


at times i sigh. why am i not i wish i could be? i dont wish to be a guy because men are in any way superior to women, but rather because im sure it would make me happy. to have a girlfriend like that. to be a boyfriend like that. but i am not. so why should i complain anyway? more often than not things in life arent like what you want them to turn out to be.


pretend to be strong when you are weak
pretend to smile when you re crying
pretend things are okay when they re falling
pretend to be everything you re not just because you re not what you wish to be.


but i know im not weak so why be strong?
i dont cry easily why try to smile?
things are.... ok. not ok, but not falling either
its true, things are not what i want them to be.


im not even sad, i dont know why im saying all this. probably because im listening to a sad song.
who knows. but it can get lonely when you stay up to study in the night when everyone else is sleeping. its like a tearing feeling inside your heart. you know it cant be there, but it is, it really is.
lonely when its raining outside the bus. and all i want to do is rest my head on a shoulder. doesnt matter whose. it would just be nice to know that theres someone to lie on when i need someone
when i need someone
when i need to rest my head


im glad i always manage to control myself and rest my head against the window pane instead of whoever the person is sitting next to me. or sometimes, nobody actually.


do you feel tired sometimes? just want to rest your head on someones shoulder? have someone to rely on?
i wish my shoulder could be somewhere a person can rest on. but its sad because ...

now i realise why chat rooms and online forums are so popular. its 3.am in the morning and no ones awake to talk to you so you switch on the comp and talk to other people who are as lonely as you
internet love doesnt exist. its just company. but its nice to know theres someone you can talk to.
pity sis sleeps so early i never get to try using the comp in the wee hours of the morning.


damn. why cant i...
all of my...


what? you asked me what i want to do with the rest of my life? after A levels? if i make it? if i dont make it? what kind of work? where? what?


i want to be happy.