Woke up feeling groggy today shant use punctuation marks cos it ll come out in weird symbols in my other comp
Anyway yesterday was really tiring but ok I guess
Was really gek yesterday cos I forgot to collect chem. Notes for my class and they d have to go throught the first half of the chem. Lecture without notes AGAIN lyke for the 3rd time? Like feeling real guilty cos they never even reprimand me or complain or threaten to fire me. They re just like ok lah or never mind lah
Haiz
Listening to mika again, Aroma.
So chillout.
Haiz
Dunno what the heck I was sighing about.
But anyway after chem lecture there was trig, which I totally suck at and dunno what the heck is going on during lessons. I have the feeling that when I get back my progress card or report card or whatever they call it, I ll get red marks all over.
Life sucks.
Anyway met the rest in the hall for choir.
Then we practised for a while and switched to lecture theatre 4.
We had to stand in mixed positions for the frog song and I ended up standing next to Thomas and Hua Cheng during the second time. The first time I was standing next to Jia Hui and I was feeling really awkward cos we never talked before and I only started saying hi to him lately. But it turned out okay. He was holding the nice green forh, which everyone was so fascinated about.
It was weird standing between two bases especially cos Hua Cheng is so power.Ha.
But it was amusing to see Thomas shocked face as I sang all the high notes and the teh parts. Really funny.
Anyway for dayong, we stood in the same position cos we were lazy to move, so he was like super shocked when I sang all the high notes and stuff without wavering. Ha ha shows you not to look down on me. Hahaha :P
Thomas was even more surprised whn I sang si jie mo ri in my talking voice, cos I seriously can go very low. I can sing comfortably at the exact pitch Jay sings at, which is shocking I guess, cos Allan and Jun Xian were like, Woah not bad huh.
Dunno. Never tot of that. I know I can sing tenor lah, but base, mayb the high notes. Im not THAT scary. Hahaha. Oh well. Feeling down now. God knows why. 

Well it was really sucky wearing stockings yesterday. I feel so unfeminine.Like most of the girls looked perfectly happy wearing makeup and dresses and high heels and stuff, but I was like cursing in the back of my head. Sometimes I really think I was made to be a guy. I ve got the voice anyway. And the character. At least im straight forward and like not wishy washy and not bitchy. Most girls are, but my frens aren't lah, of course, if not how could I choose them to be my fren? Hahahha. But maybe I come across as blunt.
Haiz. Eh where was i? Hmm oh yeah. I was dressing up and stuff and helping other people put on their stuff. Feeling so silly cos I hurt myself several times when helping other people pin their scarf. So stupid, haha. But lucky I didn’t hurt anyone. Better to hurt myself 

About whether I look good in the gown or not, I dun really care. After all I dun look that good, and neither does the gown, so what do you expect? But the guys looked smart in their tux and stuff. good one, guys!

Miss lim kept harping on sops being the worst and possibly spoiling the performance. I was really pissed. Anyway I gave 100 % and there s really nothing more I can do. If the others aren't willing to give 100 % I cant throttle them or put a knife at their kneck and make them right? Cos they can only do it if they want to.

About moving along with the music, I think we really sucked at that. You know, I was standing in the last row, and I was so emotional. Singing the year one songs made me so emotional that I moved the most for those three songs. Personally I think I may be a so-so singer, but im a grade a performer. Because I know how to smile for 100 % of the time and look like im enjoying the songs. Or at least fake it. 

After 7 Years of being a performer, and all the nagging from my teachers to move with the music and smile, of course I excel at it. Showmanship. Hell, im good LOH! But what the shit! Felt like a fool moving by myself and grining perpetually all the time. Same problem as in the 4 years of my secondary school life. Worse still, was standing in the last row and really couldn't see anyone smiling or moving like me. Felt really stupid.
I know probably it wasn't just me, but I was really feeling frust, At least for that while.
I know that probably ck and ash and shermaine and the some of the seniors were doing the same thing, but it really lowered my morale not to see anyone doing the same as me.

And once again I realised that choir is all about teamwork and we really suck at that. WHYYYYYY can we all smile? WHHHHYYYYYY cant we at least try to look like we enjoy the songs? Hell, guys you joined choir because you liked it, right? Even if the songs you re singing, you don't really like, at least just smile because you have to!!!!!
What the heck! It was spirit dampening standing next to Benjamin for the year one songs. I was like smiling and singing with emotion, but he stood like a wooden block throughout the whole thing and his face was expressionless. What the shit. After that I really didn't feel like smiling, but thank god my brain registered that since I ve been looking like an idiot, might as well carry off the idiot image.
DAMN!
And miss lim kept complaining looking like an idiot. I was looking like a fool. OH HELL, forget it. I gave all I could and if the others wont , theres really nothing I can do. Really sad sometimes. Sometimes I wonder why I joined choir. It’s a teamwork thing and I always get worked up when some people dun give 100 %. But its really like their own business, right? And Zhang talked about how we should be moving along with the music and how we should be smiling and stuff. I was wondering, you do dat? Really? She was like a wooden block also wat! Wat right has she to say shes disappointed with the choir? Frmph. Hahaha. How stupid of humans sometimes. Sometimes we talk about other peoples weaknesses but dun realised that they re actually ours. REALLY STUPID>

And about me. I realy like to complain. Im still human. I cant smile and pretend im not upset and im not sad. Cos I really am.

I mean even if till the end, we sucked and we were out of pitch, I wouldn't mind if everyone gave their best. That's all I ask. Is that too much? I like to give 100% for choir.For singing and performing. Cos I think it’s the easiest to give 100 % for that. How to mugg 100% ? How to love someone 100%? How to trust a person 100%? I really dont know. But to enjoy a performance and give my 100% , that I ve known all my life.

As a performer, its most important to smile. Even if you sing wrongly and your pitching sucks, you gotta smile and pretend its correct. God knows why btu I guess its supposed to be like that. After all , not everyone in the audience has perfect pitcthing and can understand what the heck you re singing. HELL, I don't even know what im singing, sometimes, but as long as the feelings there, its alright. As quoted form Jay zhou.

Haha. What the heck. Really getting more and more vulgar. Soon I ll turn into a full fledged ah heng. No, I wont be a ah lian.

Argh. After scolding so much, I ll talk about some happy stuff.

Jia en and shermaine gave all the sops stuff...i got a rose and a nice green card...hahaz didn’t know that shermaine likes green too...Thanks CK :D haha.
But seriously I think flowers are a waste of money. Real flowers wither and die. So why not let them grow like the would have naturally and not shorten their lifespan...
And fake flowers are sucky and horrible.
Ha im such a fussy person. :D
Anyway before the performance the gilrs were all like hugging each other and stuff. And when Jia en and shermaine hugged me, I was really touched and happy.
So I gave my zao1 pai2 wenlin grin and hugged them back.
It was heartwarming.

After cantab yesterday, met S13!
So happy :D . S13 is still the BEST.  we were like so together, hyper and stuff. We were so rowdy and loud. We were MAD< Cheering loudly and stuff. Hell, if Sharon Phua was there, shed probably call us a public nuisance. Haha but actually I find her quite reasonable, except the fact that she picked one me on three occasions cos I wore coloured socks.Only me loh. Kao! Has she got something against me ? but anyway she s got the right cos I broke school rules. HECK LAH ! 

Hahaz. Then we did a sop cheer, which was kinda lousy cos there were only 5 people, but it was ok LAH , at least the spirit was there.

And I got a lucky coconut. Was sweet revenge for you zhi, could tell from the contented face you zhi had.haha anyway the coconut was pretty cute. 
Then we bicd farewell to the s13 gang and we went out, the seniors and some of use.

Ck was so hyper, god knows why. Hhahahaha. And the whole time the guys were so amused with my lucky smiley coconut. :D
Yeah. We were perpetually MAD. Haha Basking and stuff. In the middle of nowhere.
Ck kept talking about cracking open the coconuts to drink and stuff, but I was like, NO WAYYYYYYYY!!!! Hahaha And qian jing was so surprised to find that it was a real coconut.
But then we eventually got settled down in some shop nearby. Was quite hyper still, harmonising YAM SENGS and stuff. But my table was quite stone. Qian jing sida and ck and me sorta sat in one table. Sida was so quiet that It was really odd. And he looked a bit off colour. So sad hon seng wasn't there. Anyway Ck turned out to be the only J2 sitting amidst the J1s and it was so funny. Can tell mich still isn't on very good terms with him. Oh well.
Eh. Then Ck left cos of some reason which he said we wouldn't understand , and the table was quiet again. Really get pissed off when guys tell me, you wouldn't understand. I mean like, you dun tell me, of course I wouldnt understand right? What makes you think I wouldnt?

Haiz anyway that's beside the point. Felt lethargy creep onto me. All the hyper left and I was feeling sad and wanted to go home. But I was knida hoped the guys would do something fun so I would feel like staying. But we were wasting time. Thomas was sms-harrassing joan and zhang and god knows hu else, sida was eating quietly, qian jing was eating and smsing, mich and rui xia and teddy were eating and serene was stoning like me.

At least the seniors looked like they were having fun.
Soon we left, cos I kept complaining. Hahahaz. Dun want to take cab. So ex.Im so broke. ~>-<~ we managed to take the last train back.
Me mich serene Thomas and teddy on the same train back.
Thomas was cracking lame jokes and stuff and trying to quarrel for fun with me, but iw as really tired and really in no mood for it. Teasing is ok, but after some time it gets on my nerves. Once again I say im not attched to teddy and we re good frens. That will be all. I wont care anymore about what other people say. Its getting tiring.
Haiz.

Seriously I ended p in a pretty bad mood yesterday when I went home.
How come? Don't ask me. And sorry if I hurt you guys or made you angry or worried about me. Its ok. Im like tha, after a good sleep, listening to mika, and some food, I ll be fine. Some mood swings here and there, but lifes ok.

Oh what the heck. I wrote 4 pages again.
Well off to read other peoples blogs. Bye.



~jus+ LisTen 2 Mik@ AnD lEt's cHilLou+~