Haiz.feeling Sad cos I lyke had a last minute mad rush again before some big performance or test or exam or overseas trip l ll experience the trauma of NEARLY losing something reallyly quite scary xia .

Like today is when I should be packing and stuff and I end up looking for the damn stupid o level cert which I really forgot where I stuffed, shucks loh, keep losing things.

This week is was my house keys got scolded quite badly for it, and I know I really deserve it loh, cos its the second tim e and also cos it s such an important thing...

Then tomorrow supposed to pass up some photocopy of our o level certs so we can do projectwork...damn cock loh...and how come I dun remember getting a laminated o level results slip huh, only the express Chinese one I have cos I took it at sec3...luckily I found it...

But the fear of losing something is horrible..really scary...like falling into a bottomless pit or running down a road that leads nowhere.You know what I mean? Just like losing a friend or a loved one,like today something sad happened...ayer rajah incident...I heard 2 people died...

Can you imagine? Like one minute you may be talking to that very person, and the next minute, he or she might not even be around in this world anymore...its really scary.
Sometimes I tink im really just freaking myself out, but its true...you may be reading my blog now, but who know when will be the next time you see me? Maybe never.

Life is so fragile, its scary. I wonder what it would be lyke if I had left and I no longer existed in this world...would you guys miss me? Would anyone cry for me? Would anyone get depressed? And years on, after time has passed and gently blurred the memories of you guys and me, would you guys still remember me?...

I know this is sounding paranoid, and its all just about a stupid o level cert which I tot I lost but have now found, but its really made me look at life twice, in a different light.
And crying...let me side track...I always remember funerals and wailing children of the deceased but I always tot that dose hu are the saddest arent dose hu were crying the loudest it was dose hu were silent because even though they were sad, they couldnt cry, because they already cried till their eyes were all dry...

I remember a Chinese book about two lovers...
The guy was a playboy and he met the girl as a client.
She was cold and hostile on the outside but she was actually really only playing hard to get cos she was afraid to be hurt...
He tried all sorts of stuff...flowers, cards, etc and he was shocked because she wasnt the normal type of girl who liked lilies or roses...
Initially he took it as a conquest but after a little time, he really started to care for her and develop feelings for her...

But as heaven willed against it, they fell in love...
She brought him to a tiny island where she loved to visit and watch the sunset and she showed him the flower on the island ,that she liked...
She said she liked it because it was so small and insignificant, just like her...
he asked her wat the name of the flower was, but she said she didnt know...
And they watched the sunset together.
At this time, he had fallen in love with her.
He was scared because he had never felt like this before he felt scared becos he was a coward who didnt believe that men should be faithful ...

So he started going out with other girls purposely giving her the cold shoulder
She couldnt understand at first...how could she? After she had given her trust to him....
She called to meet up and he said yes...
But whne they did, he purposely kissed another girl right in front of her and pretended like it was nothing abnormal...
She was silent. For one moment he thought she would cry.but she didnt.she just turned and left.
He never realised that she would just walk right out of his life.
Weeks later, he still could not put her off his mind...her smiles, her laughter, just being together with her....he remembered the day she left, all he saw her a eyes was a dead calm...no tears or sadness...
As he opened his mailbox, a card dropped out.
It was in her hand writing.
From memory, I tink it read something like this...

How ironical, it should be
That my love was not to be
To think I so naive ly trusted
My worst enemy
Ths sun has long set
On my tiny island
But as sadness overwhelms me
And depression takes over
I find that I cannot cry
Because my tears are also crying

After reading the card, he franatically searched for her but there was no sign of her anywhere..she ahd walked out of his life
He searched madly but to not avail
And as he flipped through an encyclopaedia he caught sight of the tiny flower the girl so dearly loved...he found out its name
And he returned to the island,but she was no longer there with him
The sunset was no longer the same,because she wasnt there

The end of the book reads something like this..

Hi. My name is Joey. Im looking for a girl named Sophie. Do you know where she's been?
If you have seen her, please help me tell her that the sun has not set on coral bay and I'm looking for her.


Haha can't believe I wrote so much...
But its all so sad...and the story ends there.
Please don't be like joey...and spend the rest of your life regretting what could have been...because you never know what will happen next ...life is delicate as a flower..
And guys! Be better to your girlfrens...or else they'll just walk away...
( I'm walking away...from the troubles in my life, I'm walking away, gonna find a better day...)

Haiz...how do I manage to talk so much crap?...Damn im good loh...hahaha

Have fun time reading !


~jus+ LisTen 2 Mik@ AnD lEt's cHilLou+~