I am usually quite passive/neutral when it comes to these things- i am not big on nature, nor do i particularly fancy any kind of plant species or flower types, like the rose, or tulips, or daises, but

i remember seeing one branch- it caught my eye; originally drifting along the landscape aimlessly; then a few branches, then the whole tree-

my heart skipped a beat (if it could/can), my hands dropped down to my sides, and i just stood, rather numbly, like a doll, and my mouth gaped.

it was like falling in love-

(what i think it feels like/should feel like, at least)

there's just no better way to put it.

it was a tree in full bloom, full of a heart-melting kind of pink strewn all over.

I asked my Dad if that's the sakura blossoms, and he said maybe, since he had only seen it a few times, so we had to ask the guide, but the guide told us it's probably plum blossoms, but he wasn't really sure, but anyway it doesn't matter, it didn't matter,

it was beautiful.

i just could not take my eyes off it.

throughout the whole day while we travelled i would spot one along the road randomly, then a few hundred metres, and then another, and i would be looking into the distance, hoping, anticipating, looking for another, and another, and another.

if just one tree would make me weak in my knees,

what would it be like?

to be walk down a lane full of trees strewn with cherry/sakura blossoms in spring?

it would be breathtaking (quite literally, i think)

------------------------------------------------------

While talking to my sister to try to coax her and pacify her my mother used the example of how our grandmother used to tell her, 'aiyah, just tolerate' - okay maybe not that exact way, it was like ‘哎呀，就忍耐’ which i feel doesn't quite exactly translate into 'tolerate' but i suppose that is the closest you can get (i often feel that English as a language does not quite adequately express my feelings or thoughts- how can such a fresh, rare, young language compare in it's breath or richness to languages like Chinese? Yes you can't really compare the structure of languages and make judgement like that but this is my personal opinion, Perhaps this is just me being biased here, but as a language English is ridiculously simple to pick up, compared to say Chinese, or like, Tamil or like French. But anyway i digress)

but so i asked my mother why she never told me this advice, that she gave me sister,

and she said, something along the lines of-

'how could i tell you to tolerate? You do what you like, you always talk about fair, unfair...'

which it then occurred to me that what she said is like, so true.

Even as a child i was so overly preoccupied with wanting all things to be fair, for everyone to be equal- to the extent that if my mother cooked 12 nuggets, i would then mentally (in my 6 year old mind) divide 12/5 (5 of us in total) = 2 each, 2 extra, and make sure i would only keep to eating my share of 2 nuggets, so that things were fair, and that my mother and/or father should eat the extra 2 nuggets (since they are parents). It would annoy me slightly that wz would (rather thoughtlessly) just eat 3 or 4 nuggets- because she didn't keep to her share, that it was not fair.

Kinda screwed, right? For a 6 year old to be thinking about impartiality, about wanting equality for all things. but that was what was bothering me most if not all of the time-

even now, i guess?

of course i know better than to expect all things to be equal(i've had a fair share of experience in this cruel world) but still, it matters a lot to me,

what is fair, or not.

--------------------------------------------

i am a camera idiot.

when it comes to specs and details, i am an idiot.

The funniest thing was when my dad tried to ask me some DSLR lens spec stuff which i had absolutely no idea about, which i (rather smartly) remember vaguely that J seemed to be well-versed in, so i asked him about it which in the end resulted in our phone call with J explaining to my why the 90mm lens is rubbish for landscape and my (attempting my best) to parrot whatever he said to my dad.

dunno but i feel an incredible inertia to learn things like this.

Basic knowledge of shutter speed, aperture, ISO, white balance etc (what they taught us while we were noobs in eusoffworks), i am content with.

Maybe it's time to start following threads on like, er, cnetasia?

(urgh, not the best way to spend time, in my humble opinion)

--------------------------------------------

Didn't get to watch the negative effect (oh, i feel so sorry about it to A), but got to watch Chingay for free instead, rather randomly and very last minute, and also got to wish Yeoh yeeeee happy birthday in person.

but that's how it's like i suppose.

sometimes things don't go like/as you imagine.

like sometimes i draw an etch-a-sketch in my mind of how things i plan would be like-

tomorrow,

next week,

next month,

next year,

in a decade,

at the end of my life.

they turn out rather different, from how i expect/imagine, sometimes.

Life always has incredible things install for you.