I just can't seem to find the right words to express myself whenever people around me (however close) start asking about things very intimate or personal. A few days ago, a friend casually asked how everything was going along for me, particularly in the work and relationship-aspect.

Because over the course of our friendship I was never attached, though he did lament about relationship woes, I was never the one on the receiving end of being asked how things were. (Though on hindsight i never asked either, he always just spontaneously told)

I said, 

2011 has been a good year for me, 

things are going well, 

and i'm thankful.

what i really wanted to say 

(but was too embarrassed to was)

I think I found the love of my life and/but 

I'm happy/overjoyed/scared shitless about it.

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亲爱的，
可爱的，
最爱的。

六个月了！希望这一次没有算错！！
半年了。。真的蛮久了呢！

希望可以 很久很久，
很久很久很久，
很久很久很久很久，
很久很久很久很久很久。
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I have an irrational fear.

It's something that nobody can do anything about-

no amount of consolation, reassurance, encouragement or scolding can change it.

But it's not something bothersome or serious such that something needs to be done about it.

I fear someday you will no longer find my face  cute, my curves sexy, my smell enticing, and my whole, me, as a person, lovable.

I don't know why, and i cannot explain it, but-

I fear one day, you might find/love another.

This is illogical/irrational/unfounded. 

I know, i know.

But nothing can change it.

Only at the end of my life, looking back, 

would i finally know if this fear is truly unfounded.

Do you have that?

irrational fears like that?