one year and two days older,

looking back, it's almost like-

I can't remember who I was, where I was, what I was doing then-

on my birthday, in 2010, I wrote,

"for those who remembered (especially those who remembered without the aid of the facebook reminder function),



thanks!

i used to look forward to this day a lot,
and get a little sad when/if people forgot,
but oh well, the day is almost over."

I guess it's true that I still do get sad/disappointed when close people forget,

but I tend to be less concerned about this as I get older.

It's only a birthday after all.

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你让我觉得，

为什么可以（让我）那么快乐？

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My very first dream/aspiration was to be a ballerina.

As gender stereotypical as that was/is, it seemed to embody all I liked (as a child)-

Ultra feminineness, beauty, elegance, pink, fluffy stuff, blah blah.

As fate would have it, a less-than brave personality and a more realistic environment hindered any further thoughts of pursuing that dream- I was much too chubby and clumsy for it.

As I grew older, however, my love/(hate?) affair with dance did not go away.

In primary school as part of the compulsory school practice, I was, with the entire student body, made to audition for the school's chinese dance club. Most students were at best mildly interested at joining; I don't even remember how I felt. Whatever my sentiment, chubby as i was, somehow, I got in. So for a good remaining half of my primary school life, we spent our wednesdays? and friday afternoons in the dance studio, on the school hall stage; we even performed on national television overseas, and by the end of my primary school life, the beat of the music and a love for placing my less-than-slender leg on the bar to do stretching exercises was already deeply rooted in me.

After primary school I no longer did dance-

but/yet still it enthralled me, excited me, distracted me-

In university, now in the third year of my study, I suddenly found the urge and courage to audition for dance. It no longer matter if I was not the standard dancer's size six; it no longer mattered that much that I was not small or slim like the others; I wanted to feel that rush of adrenaline again, I wanted to prance around the stage, I wanted to feel the limelight shining down on my face, I wanted to dance again. And so I auditioned for dance, got in, and did not continue to do sets for the third or fourth consecutive year.

Sometimes some things are just a pastime, and you don't think you're good enough to be considered 'pretty good' at it, much less good enough at it to make a living.

But doing it thrills you, it sends chills down your spine, it helps you forget your troubles,

it makes you feel alive.

Time to revisit that feeling.