equivalence.

ever since I could remember, since I was young I was preoccupied with the concept of balance and fairness, or 'equivalence' in all things-

If I accidentally brushed my left knee with my right hand, for no particular reason (just to make things balanced), I would brush my right knee with my left hand; I would count the number of nuggets my mother cooked (usually 12), and ensure I only ate my due share (that would be 12/5 approx 2.4, rounded down to 2, the extra 2 in my opinion should be left for my parents); I tried very hard to treat people and things fairly, as much as I wished dearly for people to treat me as fairly as others.

but as I grew older, I encountered more and more people/situations that made me realise wanting/imposing/hoping for equivalence in majority of the things in life would sometimes be an unreasonable request. Usually you would think that it is reasonable to expect the same level of love/commitment/time/effort put into maintaining a relationship (romantic or not) with another human being, but from my past experiences it just taught me that that notion is ridiculous.

People come with different expectations and willingness to commit, and you cannot expect people to be as willing to work as hard as you, love as steadfast as you, work as late as you etc.

The most you can do is to do what you deem is most civil and reasonable, and hope for the best.

In whatever case/situation,

if equivalence is not possible,

I prefer to work more, love more and spend more time,

even though it may be deemed to be as stupid,

or as being 'on the losing end',

because somehow to me,

living is about giving your best,

even if you don't get all of what you gave, back.

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想到可以见到你，

就是，

开心啊。