my mother used to say that, whatever you choose you would have to stick it through with things, regardless of how difficult or strenuous they may be, because it was your choice and yours alone, and thus your sole responsibility to follow through the decision you made for yourself.

i'm still wondering what to do with my life really.

There's still about 6 months left till the contract is up, though i'm quite sure my boss would be more than happy if i stayed, i am still considering my options.

there's nothing horrible about status quo, and actually sometimes, in this line of work i actually find some perks and small joys on random moments (reading doctor's transcripts and laughing at their poor english, interviewing friendly doctors, gaining some insight from writing take home messages for reports, having small chitchat with my boss) but i don't feel this burning passion or uncontrollable desire to continue in this line.

yes i know not everything in life has to be a love/hate kind of relationship,

and perhaps it would be best to separate passion from work,

(since liking something wouldn't necessarily mean you are good at it, and being good at something doesn't mean you would love it, and also even if you're good at something you might not be good enough to do it for a living)

but sometimes, occasionally,

i dream of having a job i love to death.

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the irony of things is that in my entire life i have never use any sort of facial whitening products before but at this point of time, (thanks to the 6 hour hike in the blaring sun of Mt Merapi) i, of all people, am starting to get acquainted with them.

i don't want to attain the level of sheet-whiteness that all girls seem to covet-

just my original skin colour, that would be nice =(

Just yesterday i went to the pharmacy, wanting to buy some moisturizer for my peeling skin, and i stood flabbergasted, in front of the shelves and shelves of whitening products.

facial wash, face mask, moisturizer, body butter, eye cream, face cream for night, face cream for day, hand cream, sun block, blah blah blah.

and there are more than a dozen brands.

goodness.

i think it would have been much easier if i were a man.