Finished 'in the miso soup' on the plane to and back.

think i'm building up a good 'reading stamina', if there's such thing as one.

the book- it's dark, and gory, in many ways, and also a bit sick and sullen,

but i like it. Suppose it's because it's because i find myself and the book so alike-

and also i find myself drawing many parallels with happenings in the book and in my life.

maybe tomorrow i would go back to reading 'Never push when it says pull'

a bit of dry brit-ish comedy would do nicely for horrible going-to-work mornings.

(not to mention on public transport)

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i sometimes question if the words i had phrased, actions i had done or thoughts i had conceived in the past were too cruel or too direct-

we live in the 21st century;

being surveyed, being watched almost every other second of our lives, being keenly aware of this invisible cage, people are used to censoring every single thought, word, action, intention, dislike it or not, so much to the point that sometimes when we are simply speaking our mind, or acting out on our heart's desires, it becomes too much to bear for others-

but i believe people deserve that much,

to know the truth, to receive things uncensored-

and if so after knowing these things they are thought to be too cruel, to straightforward,

i am happy to bear the brunt of things,

to be

'cold',

'blunt',

'unfeeling'-

because that is what i suppose i am, sometimes?

because some times,

some things,

with some people,

i just cannot lie.

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Usually with my food i am not picky-

i would eat whatever that's on my plate, like it or not,

broccoli or not, brinjal or not (funny i'm quite fond of it now actually), peas or not, baked beans or not, blah blah blah. It's just one of those things that my mother has ingrained rather successfully in me, that it is basic courtesy and also that in order to obtain enough of all kinds of nutrients and vitamins, children should not be picky with food.

but in this situation,

when it comes to these things,

(things that are no longer just eating)

in a figurative manner of speech,

when/if i am rational,

and i see what is on my plate,

and i know i do not want/like to eat it,

i would rather starve.

stubborn/picky in that way, no?

wayne once said that i am 'sophisicated', in the sense that i am not 'easy',

yes,

but i would rather starve.