no inspiration to write anything intellectual, neither has anything exciting been happening in my life, except i'd been catching up with my reading (somewhat inspired and encouraged by guimingwayne, who's been reading a lot apparently), tried to read 'the girl who kicked the hornet's nest' but wasn't quite as captivated by the book as i was besotted with the first part of the movie i had watched with H last year, drifted away from that book and then sped-read-finished 'The Slap' and some chapters of of 'My mother she killed me, my father he ate me'. The former, i hadn't really liked due to it's rather merciless portrayal of the characters (which in my humble opinion was a bordering very one-dimensional in the emotions department and over graphic/explicit in the portrayal of their interest in sex), but the latter, i'd appreciated a lot more. I know fairy tales are oh-so-very overhyped but any retelling of the brothers Grimm's the juniper tree would keep me very glued to my seat indeed.

Am reading Ryu Murakami's 'Piercing' now- it's rather well written, and i like it in a peculiar sense because somehow i can relate to the protagonist's feelings/experience in a very personal manner. Kept me busy the whole Sunday afternoon (until i was overcome with sudden lethargy and promptly fell asleep on the bed)

i remember being drawn to the cover of Murakami's 'Into the Miso Soup' at the HMV at Fulham broadway tube station one random day after work while i had still been in London. It was going for about 6 quid, which is a rather decent price for a book, actually, but in the end against my better judgement i had decided not to buy it (in the best interests of my exploding suitcase, thanks to the 12.50 quid typewriter i had lugged all the way from Brighton which took up 2/3 of my luggage space).

i'm regretting that decision a bit now, actually.

but i reckon i'd be able to borrow it sometime soon.

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suddenly this morning at work i was overcome with this disgusting clingy feeling-

it's not the first time; i've encountered such instances in the past-

it starts with a small tinging in the pit of my stomach,

then it swirls and gets bigger, and bigger,

and it's like suddenly i'm so disgusted with who i am,

where i'm sitting, what i'm doing at that exact moment, the people around me,

the feeling is so disgusting, so thick, so uncontrollable,

all i can do is be overwhelmed, consumed by it whole-

usually i'd try to sleep it off but i was trying to finish some charting for a report,

so i'd gone on autopilot and try to distract myself with other things,

to try to ignore the disgusting feeling.

to my relief, after about 20 minutes of charting,

it finally went away.

how do you deal with things, like these?

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in this moment,

what loneliness consumes you,

overwhelms you, empowers you?

what passion drives you,

disgusts you, propels you?

what keeps you alive?

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have this sudden burning desire to do something drastic to my hair.

i've just not been doing anything to it for the past few years lately since it grew back,

it's been status quo, basically.

but now i feel like doing something impulsive,

something stupid, something irrational,

something for which i have no regard for consequences of any sort.

i'm not a passionate kind of person,

but i've been toying a lot with that idea lately.

hmmmm.

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playing on my mp3.

old songs but i dug them up because i was trying to find something less-than-mainstream to recommend A to listen. (we agreed to swap mix tapes to listen- how cool is that? so 70s-cool.)

and n years? after they are no longer recent, they still sound so good.

charming, cool, enigmatic, and incredibly talented-

that's what Shiina ringo of Tokyo Jihen is like.

in my next life, (maybe if i'd done enough good deeds in this life?)

maybe i could be someone like that.