i am sick and i wanted to die in the office.

can't remember the times i almost dozed off (but did not! ha.)

thought i could preempt it by doing the MC on wednesday last week and seeing the doc and taking medication first, before anything horrible and cloggy hit my nose but i guess not.

should have taken the MC today and just wasted the day away in bed but what to do-

busy busy busy, i can just can't slack and bum around at home peacefully with the work piling up back on my desk...

i hate the feeling of dread that just consumes you when something you don't really like is about to hit you and you know it but there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.

just goes to show that in life,

you can't preempt everything.

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if i had rougher/shorter hair, no boobs and butt, longer legs, a more angular face,

could i (have been)/be a boy/man?

my voice is low enough,

my feet are big enough, (almost)

my wrists are boney enough,

my fingers are big/long enough,

my shoulders are broad enough, (quite)

my stride is long and manly enough, (i think?)

my tastes/sense of dress are/can be androgynous enough,

i always imagine,

in an alternate universe,

could i have been/be a boy?

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a friend who hadn't contacted me for a few months, suddenly sent me a message today informing me that she'd left my number with her financial consultant, thinking that i'd probably like to have some information about financial planning and investment.

SH and i have known each other for years- it was a bit of wild luck that i met her, but i am truly happy and in enjoyment of her company, and despite our having almost absolutely nothing in common (we'd only taken a common module in year 1 sem 1), we'd kept the friendship going because the feeling was mutual. Sometimes she'd be out of contact for months, but i'd assume she was busy/travelling because of her job/doing her own thing and all, we'd eventually catch up and hang out again, things were cool.

but this-

geez.

i didn't know what to say-

not exactly the best way to catchup or make up for loss time in a friendship, eh?

'taken aback'

it just completely and utterly describes how i felt at the very second when i found out who it was (i'd lost my phone and all my numbers so i didn't know who it was initially)

i don't know what to think really-

except that if i were in her position, the first thing i'd do before giving my friend's number to any person would be to ask his/her permission, before doing it. Sure, i could just say that i'm not interested in his services, or ignore the calls, but the point is not that/there-

phone numbers are a matter of personal privacy,

and it irks me a little to think that she could just freely give it to some other person,

without my permission.

it felt like a kind of sad betrayal.

it was something small,

but really,

i was taken aback.