i know i am screwed
(my gut is screwed)

i've been doing all kinds of things to it in the recent years

(eating a whole lot at one time/shot, then not eating at all sometimes, eating super quickly at some times, then eating on and off at times, eating a shit load of nonsense, blah blah blah)

i already knew there something was amiss the last time i worked really late and totally forgot to eat dinner (i really forgot!) and ended up with gastric pains so awful the night after and the next morning i couldn't walk/stand/do anything properly.

today morning when i puked my breakfast out (chinese beehoon complete with warm milo that i drank in an attempt to try to keep the stomach warm and to keep the food in), and felt faint/gossed out the whole time i couldn't focus on my work and had to take half day of sick leave, i knew for sure that this is it.

(i'm even scared to go see the doctor-

whatever's wrong don't tell me; i don't want to know)

well, it's kind of late to want to try to be civil to my gut now (i guess)

there is probably already a supermassive hole in the wall of my stomach lining.

geez, tough luck.