i seriously long for friends who are spontaneous, who go with the flow-

friends who say, 'COOL, awesome!' if i come up with kooky last minute plans,

or suddenly find that it's the sales period for budget airlines and ask them if they wanna get a ticket somewhere.

i would seriously love it.

i am sick and tired of the 'i wanna go xxx, i wanna go xxy',

'i wanna do this this, i wanna do that that'

and then after all the talk and procrastination,

(as expected actually but still dreaded-)

zero action.

yes, all talk no action.

talking is what people are particularly good at.

if you can't confirm anything, then don't say you want to go xxx, or you want to do yyy.

if you don't know if you'll be available, or whether you can get leave, or whether you have other things to do, or if you just don't bloody want to spend the money to go wherever,

then don't say it.

don't say it and give me hope, hope such that i put effort into ideas, into planning, into actual efforts that in the end come to nothing.

i am sick and tired.

i think all my life all i really wanted was just a very sure kind of confirmation-

a hardy 'SURE!' or a very clean 'YES!'

no questions no hesitation no issues no problems no strings attached.

just throw down your stuff,

just let these things scatter-

and let's go,

just go, damn it!

is it so difficult?

--------------------------------------------------

there was a connection for sure, but i wasn't sure if it was real.

well i guess i'll probably get to find out again.