Okay it's already tuesday and actually i drafted this post concept on sunday but i procrastinated all of monday and much of tuesday away. And i just met Mel, who dropped by my place to pass me stuff and talk to me and check out my leg ('eh you can walk already wat!')

Since it's (was supposed to be) national day, i thought i'd write about (what it means to be about) being Singaporean.

So i guess when August comes the first thing that usually comes to mind is the NDP parade, AND...

NDP goodie bags.

This could be considered a small digression-

i just think that it's superawesome that this year they have a collaboration with local designers for the goodie bag design, which will be in 7 different awesome patterns/colours! People always rave about how fantastic the goodie bag is but it's never been so awesome to the point of me actually wanting to ballot/queue for the parade tickets. But these bags are pretty awesome. Queue/ballot-worthy, ho.

Okay, so going back to the topic- Being Singaporean.

I'd say examining the sense of being Singaporean is tricky because we're an immigrant nation that just celebrated it's 45th birthday, with population that's majority chinese, have a Malay national anthem, an Indian president, and are about to welcome 100,000 foreign workers (of which some would possibly become permanent residents or citizens in future). If one isn't tactful, one could trudge into the muddy waters of alienating foreign talent- or risk making local-borns upset if you treat the foreign talent who are threatening their jobs as 'real singaporeans'-

But if only things were as clear cut-

like Japanese, are Japanese. There are a (growing) minority of korean-born japanese, or descendants of Korean immigrants, Zainichi, as well as descendants of Chinese immigrants, but the population in Japan remains largely homogeneous, and everyone pretty much has a strong sense of national identity and of what it means to be Japanese.

For me i'd say i'd always taken my Singaporean citizenship (and it's accompanying priviledges) for granted. My parents were born here, are Singaporean, and therefore by default i am too as well. There's nothing to complain about, nor is there anything to be pleased about.

I think the last time i remembered (in my childhood) when i felt an unreasonable amount of excitement to be/as a Singaporean was when i went with my classmates to watch the NDP preview, during primary 5. Ok, we were young and noob and excited. It was hot and long, and sometimes boring but it was so exciting! eating packed food, waving our national flags, watching the different formations, the stadium lights, the (other) excited people... and going home late from the parade, singing national day songs. That was the first time i felt really excited about being Singaporean. I'd say a job well done to the government- that's a nod from me, though im not sure if the kids nowadays need more to pique their excitement/interest. Perhaps they're even more jaded than i am.

And then it was a long period of vacant after that.

Until i got into hall. When i'd finally found my place, i'd realised (rather belatedly) that most of my close friends were Malaysian. Nothing wrong with that really- as cheesy and clichéd as this sounds, i believe there are no borders/boundaries to friendship. Nationality should and is definitely not one.

Hall is a peculiar place- Our hall, to be exact. the boundaries are 'invisible', but oh so clear.

In hall there's a stereotype that the Singaporeans are typically sports people or dancers (or maybe drama) who maybe conceited, speak mostly English, very bad Mandarin, and tend not to mix around with people of other nationalities. They give little recognition to and show no concern for people of other nationalities, and other non-sports or dance committees. Malaysians on the other hand, tend to engage in organizational committees or committees that involve more behind-the-scenes work, such as the audio comm and photography/video comm, and the sets crew and rag crew, which deals mainly with 'sai kang' work, put crudely.

People have their comfort zones, and i too had mine- i felt comfortable with my majority Malaysian friends, who i met largely through doing 'sai kang' work together, and i saw no problem with that. It may have been because of my family background, that i speak relatively good Mandarin- and am comfortable with being Chinese and speaking Mandarin and am proud of it- and that it's at conflict with other Singaporeans who speak mostly English and who think speaking Mandarin is 'not cool' or something to be ashamed of (which IMO is just weird), and in tangent/harmony with Malaysian Chinese hall people who are comfortable speaking in Chinese.

But on several accounts my identity of being Singaporean was/became challenged/threatened. Most people has mistakenly thought that i was Malaysian, since the group i mixed with was majority Malaysian. Also, in particular, i remember how a Malaysian friend of mine actually asked, rather seriously, if wanted to convert to Malaysian citizenship, and another offered to make a (fake) malaysian passport and driving license for my benefit.

i immediately felt insulted and complimented at the same time-

happy to be treated/accepted as the 'humble, easy-going, willing to rough it out' malaysian hall individual, but at the same time upset that someone would even think of asking me to give up my Singaporean citizenship, because i was evidently very proud of being Singaporean and no one was going to convince me otherwise. At the same time i hated everything about the stuck-up-Singaporean hall stereotype- the stereotype itself, people who harbored and thoughtlessly applied it to their thinking, observations, words and actions, and the people who became or 'proved' the stereotype.

In my later years in hall i made some close Singaporean friends- who don't fit the conceited Singaporean hall stereotype(at least not conceited anyway), and maintained my close group of Malaysian friends- and somehow managed to somehow become at peace, and was no longer troubled by the nationality conflict that was central in my earlier hall years.

I guess i just didn't/don't want people to be prejudiced against Singaporeans, or have certain perspectives towards Singaporeans (or people of any nationality for that matter) that may be unrealistic or non representative of what we are as a population- Because stereotypes don't give people a chance to be who they really are, and they also cut of chances of interacting and really getting to know people.

It was only after the experience of being/having 'questioned' my Singaporean identity did i really give this proper thought- that being Singaporean shouldn't be treated as a given, and is a privilege? that i should accept with gratitude, and really enjoy. People may disagree-but i'd say for every opinion there is a fair share of haters and supporters, so if people dislike themselves being Singaporean, then quit grumbling about it and leave- because there are 543213456789876543 people dying to come here.

For most people- a place, a thing, or even a person may be a means to an end-

You may get Singaporean citizenship, in order to leave the situation of poverty from your homeland, with plans to eventually move to the States- Singapore becomes a stepping board, to greater pastures of course. But these people are not real Singaporeans- they don't really want to stay/be here.

Being Singaporean is if you really care for this place, the people staying here, and do your part, however small, to help improve our living conditions and relationships with other people living here. It doesn't matter if you're originally from France, India, or from China, or that your parents are Malaysian and you came here to study since secondary one- If you really have the heart to stay here and make it your home, to make things better for other yourself and the other people staying here, then it makes you Singaporean.

Only if you truly want to be in a place, can you be genuinely happy, and can both you and the place that's holding you develop and grow-

and that to me is (what makes you/the essence of being) a true Singaporean citizen.