i'm thinking that maybe it's a good thing that i'm not (able to be) at rag day this year-

not that i'm wanting to be mean or trying to be evil;

it's just that maybe i should slowly pry my hands off things that are no longer of concern to me.

When the 4 of us met up for dinner some time ago, Joshua asked us if we thought he should take an extra semester in school so that he could help the tech side for dp.

i was like,

'NO ARE YOU CRAZY!? JUST GRADUATE JOSHUA!!!!!!!!

NUS has had enough of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

i'm not saying that you shouldn't be committed to hall- it's just that when the time comes for you to leave, for the young(er) ones to take over, we should all just step down gracefully and look back with assurance. There's no point in fretting if there will be a decent JCRC president, rag head, DP tech crew etc. Because what's done has been done, and our time is over. Since the things that have been done in the past will still be to be done in the future, and perhaps to an even more difficult and challenging level, just trust in the fresh blood; that they will rise to the occasion and be able to carry the responsibilities, whatever the challenges or tasks they face.

and of course if they screw up- then they learn from it.

there's nothing learnt from a smooth-sailing life: a small stone in your path and then you trip and become crippled for life. not good at all.

that's from 'it's-all-for-their-good' perspective, which is excessive and incessant, some would think. But/and of course, whenever viewing an issue/incident, i always trying to use multiple perspectives or viewpoints to analyze things, because the same thing can always be appraised differently, depending on where you stand/who you are/when it is.

i'd have to admit- not being there for rag day is for my own good as well.

Actually (to be honest) i guess i'm good enough to walk/hobble with crutches so i reckon i could have actually limped rather slowly and went for rag day and taken 257u8y654323456789 photos anyway. But enough is enough- anymore and the attachment would just linger and i would find that i'd never (ever) really be able to 'leave'.

and the excuse that i'd not offered enough help to the current rag team given my status as an ex-ragger wouldn't stand; i'd gone back a few times to have a look, cut and stuck a few detailings and spoken to joon kit and viven a couple of times. It's an obligation, not a responsibility, and i'm not complaining- i did it, willingly and rather cheerfully, i'd say.

and i don't want to be overwhelmed by the whole string of events and the whole full-blown-ness of the actual thing that i become so emotionally high-strung and start to say 'i'm so proud of the hall float' etc because actually i have nothing to be proud of/at- it's neither my hard work neither i did actively contribute to it in other ways (besides the few pieces of detailings i did that dont really count), and so rather let the joy of the accomplishment/victory be enjoyed by the rag team alone. You get that very often- seniors returning to hall to bask in the glory of the accomplishments of the young ones. I just don't think it's right (for me at least). You had your time, be it good or bad, it's over, and that's it/all. Being happy for the fresh blood is one thing, but to be so overwhelmed that you start claiming it as a part of your being- it's a little overboard.

let the attachment end, here.

it's just that back to this day-

it'd be almost 2 years since the last time i did rag- and looking back i guess in retrospect my non-academic life in NUS was still rather sweet achievements-wise, given that in my 3 and 1/2 years of kendo and 2 years of rag i'd managed to achieve a silver team trophy and the rag shield once, so i have nothing to complain about. But still, the second time doing rag, i wished so badly and hoped that Wayne'd be the one to hold on to the rag shield- it was that one small regret that remained in my hall achievements/life that we'd not won the rag shield when we were older/when Wayne was leading us. The first time was different because we were all young, and it was so unexpected. But in 2008 i really really wanted it. wanted it to be us. And the funny thing is that though this isn't the exact day that rag was held on in previous years, today is memorable for another reason: because it's Gui Ming Wayne's birthday. Which kind of marks the 4th year/anniversary of us knowing each other, since we were in the same orientation group in year one. Funny thing, we don't talk to each other much, but it's a strange kind of comfortable silence. Still, of course, he remains somewhat a mystery to me in more ways than one.

(so happy birthday wayne, if you read this anyway, to me you will always be the OGmate/rag/dpsets- it was pretty awesome the times we did saikang together.)

given all the compliments and rave comments about the design of the float last year- the 2009 batch of raggers still weren't able to win the overall rag shield, which was rather sad. and so at this point of time i'm just thinking-

will they be able to do it today?