mundane and mediocre, right?
but that pretty much sums up my life for the current moment.
i'm not complaining or whining- it's just putting things plainly.
it made me feel pathetic.
as 'pathetic' as what wz said when i asked her if she could help me get another bowl of rice.
[never doing that again-as much as it may have been a jokingly-said insult it stung- more than i imagined it would]
it's just, not in my nature to ask people to get things done-
because (normally) i'd rather die than beg to get help.
some things are crystal clear-
people help you as and when and if they want to
you can struggle to your death and just be treated as invisible,
so why ask for help if you have to get dirty looks or insults just to get it?
the problem is now-
i can't.
i have to admit to myself that i gotta depend on other human beings
just to survive.
buy my lunch, refill my water, do my share of the housework, help me get my stuff
cause i can't even bloody hold anything bigger than a pen when i'm using crutches! =/
losing my normal walking ability-
is an incredibly immense challenge, an ordeal worser than anything i'd have encountered previously-even shaving my hair- it was just dealing with all the stares and preconceptions people made up about you, and my self-esteem plunging way lower than ever before.
this is just...
it just sucks.
having to depend on other people sucks.
because not everyone is (as unconditionally giving/loving) like my mother or qiuhan.
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i'm totally looking forward to my first day back in school in crutches tomorrow, yeah.
i'm hoping the 'walk' from the ADM block lift to AS6 isn't too far,
and that i'll be able to find some way to open the door(s).
(maybe it's not a good idea to go to the library during break time. sigh)
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