i know people are individuals and actions are just behaviours which can and should be separated-

but sometimes somethings just cannot be analysed on their own entity-

you hate someone for the things/behaviours he/she has done with/to you and in your mind the word 'despicable' just appears because no other word is as apt or accurate

but on the other hand you are so fond of the person you can't bring yourself to hate the person your heart aches everytime you think of having to hate him/her-

that's when the conflict occurs.

cognitive dissonance- 認知的不協和

(i love the way this term sounds in japanese- ninchi-teki fu kyowa)

that's where the problem arises.

you can (and i usually) internalise the hate and the blame (to in a way ironically) make yourself feel better.

funny how now that i'm actually able to externalise my internalisation behaviour,

i suddenly feel this sigh of relief.

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i have a good reason to be happy today.

it's a small one, but it's rather decent, and

yes, i am pretty happy.