'mommy, where do people go after they die?'

definitely not one of the questions you'd want to be asked if you were a mother-

nevertheless nothing stopped me from being the one asking it- even more so at a tender age.

but/and my mother never had an answer-

never one that was satisfactory enough for me anyway.

what i did like, was that she never hesitated if she had doubt-

she just clearly expressed it-

that there are things simply beyond our realm of knowledge-

and thus,

and maybe so because?

i remain a freethinker even till today.

i respect religions, i respect people's lifestyles, their way of life-

but sometimes somehow? it really feels like these rituals, rites, ceremonies whatever seem more for the living than for the dead themselves- some of which include chanting some prayer in whatever language an arbitrary number of times times, walking around the choffin x n times, kneeling and then standing x n times, offering incense to the deceased one x n times-

sure i understand there is supposed meaning behind these things-

maybe you believe in after life; that the god you believe in will bring you to heaven, or that with the help of some chanting from some priests you can be reincarnated to a better life;

the point is just that it implies that there has to seem to be some kind of continuation;

be it some kind of journey to another place, reincarnation,

or some kind of existence beyond death itself-

but why? why do people have/want to think so?

is it really such a sad thought that there is nothing beyond death?

why is it so hard to believe that existence is just but passing phase,

that as sarte once famously said [and i very often over-quote]

"Everything that exists is born for no reason, carries on living through weakness, and dies by accident" ?

for life itself i am thankful-

from the very first breath of air, the very moment i was able to see-

thankful that [though perhaps i was not born entirely for no reason], i come from nothing,

and despite living on through weakness, it is not without appreciation-

and last of all, despite death, albeit by accident, it is with no regret nor grudge,

because one came from nothing anyway, so what is there is regret or to blame?

i asked my mom, but she said she's never gone to a freethinker's funeral before-

or at least not a funeral wherein there were no religious rituals or rites of passage,

so either freethinkers don't die [ha! ], they die without people knowing or going, their relatives help them decide on some arbitrary religious ceremony or they convert to a religion before they die?

somehow i don't know but i kind of like the idea of not having any kind of ceremony.

if my body were still intact i'd love to donate my organs and my yucky insides for a better cause,

and then of whatever's left that's of no use to other human beings, maybe people could just burn em' and keep them somewhere that doesn't take up too much space, or scatter them into the sea [but maybe not since you gotta apply for a license for that, imagine the hassle! zzz]

i'd have a half-day funeral-

just the cremation itself, so people can enjoy more of their compassionate leave [ha! and if their boss asks they can say the funeral takes 3 days so they can use the other 2and1/2 days worth of time to do some meaningful things]

maybe people could just hang out at the place where i used to stay;

i'd ban crying at my funeral, and have this nice buffet spread for people to eat and bum around.

that'd be good enough.

just remember the times we made each other suffer; the times we made each other laugh,

remember me occasionally, when you're bored or have nothing to do-

just remember how silly i was.

that'd be enough.

don't need to go to heaven, don't need to have a passage or some afterlife-

it's nice just to be remembered a little, sometimes, even after you die,

cause it's a kind of way you 'live on'?

even after your body crumbles,

and you cease to exist-

it's okay to know that i'll be nothing one day,

because i came from nothing, anyway.