however cowardly it may be i have to admit i'm really not ready yet

[what was i to do i was scared]

so. that's why i made the decision.

[not that it's anything big....]

on a different totally different topic, today in class we learnt the term 'lapse' as a substitute for 'relapse', particularly when a clinician/psychologist may be speaking to a substance abuser, you have to let them know that recovery is not a linear process but rather one full of ups and downs, so you may experience a period of abstinence and good progress, then you 'lapse', but it's okay....

somehow i know things will be okay [someday]

and when i wake up someday it will all just seem like a bad dream