i found the perfect way to stop myself from buying [more] clothes already

[at least before wei and i head for THAILAND!!!!!!!!]

they say the rational brain is the left brain

[which is connected to the right eye]

so just look at the clothes with my right eye

and psycho myself not to buy it!

YAY!

and if it doesn't work,

just think,

'i can buy this/a similar piece at half the price or less in thailand'

and i will be deterred indefinitely!

AWESOMENESS!!!!!!!

i am super proud of myself today.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

over sticky date and toffee pudding, good old fashioned chocolate cake and loads of iced water, we landed our lazy bums for [almost] an entire evening. at one point of time, she gave her signature smile, [the i-am-up-to-really-no-good-smile] and then she asked me,

'tan, '

can i ask you something?'

[knowing that she is up to no good, rather bored with the cake already, and only to be polite and nice, i answered,]

'yeah, er, okay.'

and then she went ahead:

'so, how do you find ___________?'

and then i found myself flustered

[but why? why? cause its not even...],

and i kind of fibbed, giving a general/acceptable answer,

and my mind drifted off, thinking about what was my real answer,

because the time/situation never really called for it for me to have one.

it's different from the previous time, because then i was [somewhat] stressed and traumatised and [somehow] it was funny all at the same time and i was desperate so i told her everything and when i did she said she guessed it already and she kind of helped me so it was okay.

this time it was like;

i think when it happened i was firstly somewhat miffed/annoyed at being thrown a declaration [somewhat irresponsibly, i must say], and then not knowing whether a reply was expected or what kind of reaction/reply to have/make. thus, [rather coolly] analyzing the situation, i assured myself it was a youthful-brash-on-the-spur-of-the-moment thing/decision, and then gently brushed things/it aside.

looking back,

i shouldn't have taken people/things so lightly,

because feelings;

these things;

are serious, honest, and sometimes,

taken lightly,

rather heartbreaking.

or maybe it's that really,

[the knowing of] being loved is as burdensome as loving someone;

it was at the back of my head already, somehow

but soo said,

'no lah, just asking, because [it's said/known that] to you it's impossible...]

and then i thought to myself,

what was i thinking/where was i at at that point of time?

looking at other things, over people, at other places.

i wasn't paying any attention [to this] at all.

and i questioned,

'is it really impossible?'

feeling comfortable with someone by your side,

'is it enough?'