'can i ask you something now since there are still customers here and we're not closing yet?'

'huh, what.'

'what's your favourite colour?'

'what?!?- ... ....'

'okay, don't tell me your favourite colour, tell me what you don't-'

it's wonderful the conversation got cut off prematurely,

because honestly i don't see where it would end.

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for a moment there,

standing,

i just really felt like slamming my pen down on the counter and saying 'i quit'

which really doesn't make sense cause i wasn't angsty/angry at all.

it's not like im suffering some intolerable cruelty/injustice

not that im very unhappy/upset with the conditions

not that i hate/greatly despise my coworkers

it's just that sometimes i wonder,

'why am i even here?'

lethargy drives very weird thoughts.

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just a little bit more effort,

just a little bit more time,

i think things could get better,

maybe go back [almost] to normal,

and i think/wish i could talk to you then.

cause i'd still want to know if you're alive,

cause i'd still want to ask you

'how are you'

and stuff.

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it's not working, it's not working, it's not working.

the irony of things is that i know it so well.

this feeling, this place, the things that trigger these...

these things.

i know it so well.

and yet i can't bring myself to deal it/cant seem to pull myself out of it

it's like going down a slippery slope with no end

need to try harder.