i decided to delete what i wrote.

because maybe more people read this than i think?

it's too dangerous really.

and who cares about what i think?

[maybe not even myself]

but then again,

after 3 years of training kendo,

shi-ais and gradings, these tacky things,

i still dont really know how to go about to approach these things,

and what kind of mindset and mentality i should have with regard to them.

sometimes i do wonder really, what the shinpans are thinking, when they grade us, really. haha.

either way, [IMO], it is still apparent.

but actually, after so long,

beneath all that armour; the hard and repetitive trainings, the acquaintances made and friends left, the admin and paperwork that kind of got me a little jaded and spent; the mistakes made and lessons learnt,

what do i actually want with my kendo?

---------------------------------------------

when was it that i realised

i couldnt speak as freely as i wanted

anymore?

and also

the words,

cant seem to form

quite so easily

like before

or maybe

cat got my tongue

and one day without realising

my heart died