i gave myself a holiday.

for dance, i was never slim enough,

for kendo, i was never fast or strong enough,

for studies, i was never smart or studious enough,

for rag design, i was never good or creative enough,

even when it came to some thing, some thing like feelings,

if i was the object of anyone's affections, or if i had good vibes about anymore

i never felt worthy of those affections; not good enough to love or/and be loved.

nobody said i wasn't good enough, nobody criticised or put me down but in the end

it was always myself, it was me, the problem was always just me.

it is always this inadequacy that marred/stained/marked my life.

so i gave myself a holiday.

travelled,

ate things,

walked around,

talked to friends,

did some housework,

watched the days go by,

took photographs of places, of people,

thought about some things,

and maybe,

i think i'm ready to get back to life again.

and hit the dojo this friday.