qiuhan hasn't decided if she's going to graduate this sem [i know, incredible right? she lives up to her fickle-gemini-character, she said so herself] but if she is, then she'll want to go somewhere far because it's her grad trip.

qiuping is working and doing acca classes at the same time, so she can't go far;

the most is a 3 day 2 night holiday somewhere near.

huichiang is saving up to go visit her boyfriend and do her thesis in japan in july, so she's not planning to spend any money or do any activities that will hurt her wallet.

everyone has their own agenda;

how are we supposed to go somewhere together?

sometimes i really feel that way; that the older we get, the further we drift apart;

it's not about not caring for each other; but it's just that everyone has different priorities in life; different places they want to go, different things they have to do, different people they have to entertain, different groups they have to belong to; it' can't be helped that things change.

sometimes i wish we could go back to those days;

when we weren't so preoccupied with our CAP scores; with those lame university 'holidays',

when we were dressed in blue with grey and gold striped ties, when classes were boring but fun because of each other; when we would pose with our lame haircuts and the classroom cleaning items; when we were young; brimming with hope; when we were careless; 

but even if everyone has their own agenda;

don't i have my own?

i wish i could muster up the courage;

pack my bags and plan my own;

tell my parents i am to leave;

to some where somehow

just for a while.

alone, anywhere.

i would walk the streets alone; listen to people talking at the cafe; stop and lie down on the grass in the park; take pictures of street lights and zebra crossings, 

and leave my trace there.

most of all;

i want to travel alone.

----------------------------

today i met joon kit in hall to go to ikea and also to shift some stuff to put in his room temporarily for the holidays. i donated my stool [the green one that soohf uses to prop her legs onto because her legs aren't long enough to touch the ground when she's sitting on the chair; her legs are left dangling so it's kinda uncomfortable. it's funny right?] to rag/him cause i was quite sien to bring it back.  

joon kit said there is zero assurance of it being returned to me in its pristine condition,

but i like it; i like the idea that on the stool will be sitting the butts of many tired but amazing rag designers, engineers, rag head, rag vice, rag admin and maybe some seniors.

my stool will be even more famous than Vijay liew's. 

not to mention, nicer to sit on. ho ho ho.

it feels a little bit empty that i'm not doing rag this year.

it's like a void that i usually fill with some block of wood, but went missing this year.

i will not deny that up till the very last moment i was STILL thinking about doing rag because of, well, because. a lot of factors. 

i will not deny the fact that 

definitely without a doubt if gui ming wayne joined rag again this year,

the probability of my joining rag again would increase by an exponential number.

i dont know why actually;

we don't really talk. sometimes i dont even know why he mixes with some people, which i really cannot stand. but in my heart i think it is fate that we met each other since orientation and did so much saikang together. HAH. 

and LOH JOON KIT tried to trick me to join rag by telling me that yew hungseng and lau hongjin were joining. luckily, not my usual gullible self, i was not taken in. [*cue for soohf to applaud me now. she is always lamenting on how easily i am tricked. =( really?]

but i feel like going back to help already!

ha.  

i so miss the feeling of sleeping under my work table in the wardrobe/reading room and having shazzy wake me up at 7am for breakfast.  =( shazzy. SIGH. 

they're planning a shuttle ragger's malaysia trip but we always talk talk no action. hopefully it all works out, along with the RA stuff that i have on hand. if not i ll have to give it a miss. but at least we're visiting putra in solo in july, and then coming back to help with EHOC. jin says he'll help but he went back already. wayne is doing EHOC, Vijay moved out, han cheng busy with internship.

what happened to the 'seniors fellowship' that they were always talking about?

everyone has their own agenda, which is different, of course.

sigh....

i think i will have mixed feelings,

when i show support at NUSSU rag and flag day,

no longer as a rag veteran/rag newb, but as a senior, ragger no longer.

whether we win or lose, shield or not,

i know a part of me will be sad i was not a part of all this.

oh,

and this is totally irrelevant and off-topic,

but J cut his hair [after my constant pleading] and it looks hilarious.

i know i am pure evil but at least he doesn't read this.