would you still love me without my hair?

without my cool, black eyeliner?

it's all the same.

normal days, when you're just going about your own business, 

you're a nobody, because you're nothing much, nothing special.

you lose a bit of weight; put some makeup; wear something different,

and suddenly they have their eyes all over you, as if you're someone else.

i guess we're all superficial deep inside,

we're just afraid to admit, 

or don't realise.

it turns me off, 

that i should feel good/repelled by something so small as this

shouldn't i have the freedom to dress the way i want, act the way i want, be who i want?

even if it's not who i usually seem to be? 

what makes you so appalled such that you have to question my behaviour?

do you even know me?

would you still love me,

minus the few thousand billion strands of protein keeping my head warm?

unconditional love can be so difficult,

sometimes.

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i'm considering getting it.

just for the sake of it.

just something simple. 

i wonder what the feeling is like,

of the pain, of the exhaustion, of the change.

potential objections, shock and reject aside,

i'm really considering it. 

cost is also an issue; 

if its small it shouldn't be much,

but we'll see how things go, right?

it's much better than getting piercings; dyeing my hair, or getting extensions right?

it's time for a change.

----------------------------------------------

i'm a hundred dollars poorer, but also a happy and very impressed person.

needless to say, mr A-Z was F-A-N-T-A-S-T-I-C.

man yan was gushing about how much better he was live, than on recording.

every minute, every moment; relish. 

every note, every tune, every melody, every smile, every action, every turn,

his voice is so wonderful.

so wonderful i don't think i can imagine him doing anything but singing.

a white collar office worker?  a blue collar construction worker? a stay-home dad? a funky-new-age teacher? a strict-laced government slave? a laidback 

and the way he touches peoples hearts; gives people laughs; and connects to them;

really priceless.

as he sang 'live high'

im not sure why, but i,

i think i felt tears brimming;

in the corner of my heavily lined eyes.

and i remember the time i first heard it;

when hartono sang it, during rag; and i was like,

what song is that?

how can you live high, live mighty, live righteously,

but take it easy?

but that's the way it should be, isn't it?

nothing is ever as it seems, and life is but a dream.

if life is but a dream,

dream it is, 

let me be,

a dreamer.