okay, 1 more second to tuesday. ding.

status: im on the good side of the curve, thankfully.
hopefully this will stay for quite long. i think the endorphins from all the sweat and exertion from chingay dance, ai ting's dance, yj and jul's dance, and kendo is keeping me ':)'. i can't spell the word; it's pure evil. i think if i do i ll lose it. so better not take the chance.

J flew off today. yesterday in the wee hours of the morning actually.
i think we left on quite a bad note. it all started when i asked him to confirm the time he was flying off, and he replied and cracked a bad joke about kendo that kind of pissed me off [because i cannot take people not taking kendo seriously, because it simply isn't something like that to me, even if he only meant it as a joke] and i went on to say that he didnt and wouldnt understand, and that pissed him off too, and then i think he regretted saying something even meaner afterwards, but i was so busy and preoccupied that i just kind of brushed him off with a 'feeling tired, goodnight take care-' then offline.

ya, i know thats kind of evil; okay, it IS evil, and like just mean and i'd be pissed if someone does that but what do you do when you're tired and you just don't want to talk to the person or handle the conversation anymore? you give up and turn around and leave.

for that split second J reminded me of him very much, cause we always quarrelled and i felt he just had to argue with me to be different, or to pose a different perspective, just for the thrill of the argument or to win it, and it was really incomprehensible to me.

i hope J will be okay in the US. i'm sure things will be okay since he's got his best friends there, and they probably miss each other a lot or something, and since J's got the NOC thing settled, and from what i heard from VJ, besides the job being a little mundane it seems like it's a pretty good deal, so i think J will be fine there taking VJ's place now that mr liew is back.



i'm sorry J,
i really think you don't understand, but
im just not good enough a friend.
----------------------------------------------

dance.

i'm feeling this invisible pressure to lose weight coming back already.
okay, i will deal with it in a rational manner and try not to lose it.
i said try.

yijun and jul's dance is pretty cute.
broadway isn't what i had in mind, and im kind of sad i didnt get to do hip hop, which means i can act cool, but there's only 1 hip hop dance and most of the choreos were fighting to do it, so means no chance. but i am honoured i got chosen by yj and jul to join their dance cause they're really nice; the dance is kinda cute though difficult; and i quite enjoy the company though most of the people are already in cliques and it's hard to break it, but i guess i ll survive along somehow.
and did i mention my partner is bingjie from a4.
i think i hid my squirming quite well when yijun said he was supposed to partner me.
goodness. well i hope he's friendly.
i guess we ll work some kind of partnership and mo qi out somehow.
it'll be okay.

ai ting's dance.
i really really like it. it's this emo contemp thing. she's a fantastic choreographer, tall, pretty, with poise, and really nice too. so ++++.
the songs she uses are those non-mainstream electronica/indie/whatever emo songs that are really nice. +++
and im happy that i got allocated/selected to join her dance cause like her dance is hard contemp/like you have to be a certain standard to be selected and all. =) honoured.
and the best part; plus there's no couple thingy in the dance as of yet, so im kind of relieved because if there's a segment that the guy has to carry the girl or whatever i think i ll just wallow in self-pity and cry or squirm internally if i am one of the lucky [or unlucky] girls to pair with the only 5 guys in the dance. chances pretty low. chen yong <-> vanessa, aron <-> hsin yi, rasul <-> probably with a shorter girl, shane <-> probably with aiting, and that leaves ravin, who might pair with xx, weimin, who has been kind of mia-ing [he's also tall so i think him <-> denise more plausible] and andrew boey who is still in sweden with ash [on second thought boey might pair with aiting or claudine, so that means im safe].

chingay dance.
okay so im a kid now but the best consolation is that the kids' costume is highly likely to be not only cheaper but also nicer-looking than the elf costume. *gives bright smile* okay i am evil.
it's pretty nice but i kind of feel sad i dont get to be an elf but on the flip side i know the commitment would kill me so im kind of relieved in another way. sharon has been quite understanding and nice since i explained my situation and expressed my determination and commitment towards dance. so i guess i wont be kicked out after all. suprise suprise. ':)'

the chingay people are having difficulty finishing the detailing and the float though. im kind of torn as to whether to go to kallang to help [cant really say help since i feel its my responsibility to go, cause im part of the original team that made the float anyway, its our baby!] since my dance pract starts like 1pm these days and have training/dance again at night, so if i go it ll only be 2-3 hrs in the morning. but i think i ll see when i can go...
afterall, no float, what the hell to dance in front of? amusing.
looking at the way soohf is, and how stressed up yew hungseng is, i really feel bad im not able to be there with them, but i guess it can't be helped and all.

training.
okay honestly speaking it has been great.
like the past few trainings i realised a lot of things and suddenly found out a lot of things that have always seemed vague and untouchable to me. And also it is comforting that the juniors are a fun bunch to mix with and i have no difficulty remembering their names or conversing with them now, and that the kai as a whole, i feel, is growing and there is this togetherness and spirit as quoted by our mr bai, 'spirit he has never felt before'
to which nixon replied,
'maybe it's a ghost.'

ah-ha-ha-ha.
right.

and sensei has been so kind with/to us.
i can feel his attitude to us has changed. perhaps it is because of the many things that happened past the years, and also maybe that he feels our grattitufde towards him and that we appreciate his teachings and his presence and all. and the countless sensei moments! ':)' again!






i guess my life is quite exciting, with all the deepee, chingay, YKT ecetera coming up.
but all the tension is like accumulating in my shoulders i feel so tired...

live to fight another day.


today suddenly,

i remembered again why i wanted to join kendo,
and then i felt ':)'