i don't get what you're trying to do.
i feel like asking you outright,

but if it really is what i'm guessing it is,

im not sure my heart can take it.







why can't people be honest and outright with who they are, what they want, where they're going?

it's too late, too long, too tiring.

maybe i left my heart waiting
when i decided it was enough and moved along
because it seems like i have no feeling
----------------------------------------------

i want a holiday.
qiuhan told me when i called her the other day.
she said,
i want to go somewhere where there's only mountains, water and grass.

i laughed at her incredibly simple but silly sounding wish.
but in my heart,
i think i was laughing at myself,
and the absurdity of all this, all of you, all of them, all of us.



i want to escape; sneak away; steal away
be irresponsible, be insane, be selfish, be self-indulgent,
just for a little, just for a while,
i don't ask for much,

maybe just a quiet place,
a small space,
to take a short nap or two,
and the hope that when i wake up,

it won't be you i'll have to face,
or this,
this endless waiting.