okay, so i know this is a double post, and i'm supposed to only post once a day, but since im at it, just let me. i was talking to shu, and we were talking about people like disappearing for like the later half of kendo and camp and everything and then appearing out of the blue.

i guess to me, it's just some incredible mystery. it's just not possible for me to do it cause i'd feel totally off, like unwelcome and out of place. im just not the type of person to disappear like weeks or months, and then suddenly announce my return and expect everyone to welcome my arrival as before.

conservative as it seems, to me, relationships has always been about the amount of effort and time put in. to me, my current friendships with people are the result of my accumulated efforts and time over the years.

i understand that some people have and edge and advantage because they're just incredibly sociable and can talk about basically everything and laugh at everything, but to me, somebody who's a nobody, somebody who's happy just knowing what i know, somebody who's so ordinary, chemistry doesn't come naturally. i can't just snap my fingers and make everybody like me. i know some people just hit it off naturally, and i've experienced that a fair share in my lifetime so far, but i still adopt an attitude of disbelief towards it.

i guess believing that the effort and time you put into something will reap corresponding results is more assuring, no? for somebody like me, yes.

when reality hits me in the face again, and the realisation that i've been putting off for so long finally falls like a cloak around me, i resign to my fate.



because that's the way things are.