feeling a little demoralised today.

i dont know why, but sometimes i dont feel like doing anything but sleeping. like today. just lying on my bed and sleeping. in the warmth of my bed, under the security of my blanket, with the comfort of my pillow. under the assurance of my siblings, and the protection of my parents.

dont want to go to school, dont want to do anything.



ah, random thoughts.

i cant seem to do anything now.
it's like a spoilt tape that keeps playing over and over again in my head, and i keep seeing the mistakes i made, the chances i could have taken but missed, the cuts that weren't on form, and my pathetic self...
it keeps replaying in my head, replaying, replaying...
can't focus, can't think. i think i need some sleep, to digest today's training, pick up strength and focus to train again on thursday.

and then there i am, hitting myself on the men and cursing mentally [and verbally too] at my mistakes. it's an awful feeling to not live up to expectations. especially when they are your own.

all think, no do.
i think i think too much.
thinking about improving is not enough; you just improve.

when damian sensei said that,
something wenhao said kind of echoed through my mind
your own kendo is your own responsibility.


now, that's something that will be on my mind for quite some time.
----------------------------------------------------

and so i talked to sunshine on saturday morning.
he kind of caught me offguard, cause he came online and started the conversation totally when i didnt expect him to [not busy meh, OCS, and weekends are the only bookout times...]
but then we talked a little, [quite a lot actually], then i sent him the clazziquai album, which isnt so new already, haha but who cares about these things.

it's quite a nostalgic feeling to talk to sunshine.

reminds me of the times when i was playing truant in my jc 2, when i was studying for a levels, when he was doing projects, and stuff...
come to think of it, we've known each other for pretty long ...

i think he's gotten wiser.
so wise, i think he can be a wisdom consultant [if there's such a thing]
we had one of those thought-provoking conversations, and he left me with some food for thought for the weekend. which was, pretty interesting.

i hope army doesnt give him too hard a time, since he's doing his part for the nation protecting helpess civilians like yours truly. *smirk* oh well.






i miss wife. need to get my pair of shoes soon, run to her house, and talk to her!
just her reassuring smile....


i think i ll need to go to a corner and tell myself very softly,
'wenlin, jia you!'

or maybe just a lot of sleep.
ok, i think i ll sleep.