i think what wenhao said is right.

all my life,
i've been focusing too much on what i dont have,
rather than banking on my evident strengths.

but i suppose its only second nature to envy and compliment, right?

nothing much happened today for training, except that jiawei fractured his arm, which came as a huge shock to all of us, since sunday is the tourney and we ve all been looking forward to it. now we're one man down...

so it was an immensely long and arduous wait at the NUH a&e.
i hate hospital settings. unless im the patient. waiting kills me...

then it was back to rag, and i found out ive been allocated to same group as hong wei, which is kind of interesting, because he was my ogl and all. well.

and of course, im pretty sure this will be the butt of jokes for months to come; i pulled the plug out of the socket for the grinder without switching the switch off, and sparks flew and the electricity and lights went out. poof!
so we ended work early today.
i dunno, i felt really bad, but as if it wasnt bad enough, it just had to be rubbed in....




sometimes i wonder,
sometimes i wish...
--------------------------------------

jiawei may not be able to continue if it goes like this
if the fracture heals, even then... his kote will be vulnerable...
then we're one man down...
so, let standing, as of now, our batch, from the original 50 [or more, at the first session], we have
parry,ernest,weijun, jiawei [if his wounds can heal] and me.

it would be lying if i said it doesnt matter than i'm the only girl.
personal concerns are one thing,but having one rep for the girls in this batch means that when we're seniors there's seriously some trouble...


jiawei's current situation, and him telling us that he may not be able to continue, reminds me of the time jiejing left...

i mean, i know i told bao fang before than your commitment for kendo shouldnt be swayed by others, but friends are an immense influence and motivation, so...
it was just sad, not to be able to sit at the bus stop and wait for the bus with jiejing and talk about the crazy trainings and stuff...

i mean, i still see him and meet him regularly pretty much, in and outside of hall, but its different now...



i dont know, i just feel so confused.

its like sometimes you talk to people, then they dont really reply or look you in the eye, and sometimes they snub you real bad, but you wonder and speculate if they mean it or if you ve offended them and stuff but them you try to reassure yourself that they re just tired and stressed cause they re supposed to be your friends but sometimes you're not so sure.
but it doesn't matter.
sometimes proximity can damage friendships, i should think.
familiarity breeds contempt?

i hate this reading shit.


i miss wife.
her birthday is impending, and i havent done anything about it! bollocks!
--------------------------------------------------------

i cant wait for sunday, cause everything will be kind of less stressful after that, i hope. meeting in the morning on sat for the internship details, then off to hans art at keong saik to bum with the kids, then off home to see my folks and maybe revise my tayatare and cuts. then sunday morning off to changi to shi-ai with other people at the tourney, maybe go home, then dinner with jiejing

then its monday again.
at least there's no wo bao on monday to give out, haha.




this is such a boring entry.
*yawn*
i guess when youre tired,
you just dont have anything interesting or insightful to say.