yeah, i know its nothing, and it probably is.

but why do i still have this weird feeling?

i mean, its nothing, but then why...?

frmph.


this reminds me of something i heard before.

when a guy is silent, it means he's listening to you.
when a girl is silent, it means there are a thousand thoughts running through her head.

girls only ever think too much, too often, unnecessarily.
this is a negative stereotype?
but i am no different...


what now?
seriously... i think i ll have to watch things as the go...
i hate thinking on my feet.
------------------------------------

rag is starting next week and i feel like i ve wasted the holidays thus far.
well, not really, *looks at portfolio*
i know i wont regret it, but im kind of dreading the start of rag...
im sure i ll get hell bent and totally thrown into the intensity of the thing, slog like hell and be willing and happy about it, but for now, laziness has long kicked in...

and its absurd but im still contemplating what kind of mindset i should adopt for the tourney this sunday... sigh...

and the stupid flu is still there. im still coughing phlegm and desperately sucking the mucus back into my nostrils during kirikaeshi and kihon pract with the hefty men on... and to think last practice we had air con... i hope thursday wont be the same... sigh...
its kind of a goodnews/badnews situation, except they're all rolled up into one...

-----------------------------------------------------
meanwhile i am semi-actively trying to engage myself in constructive activities [borrowing graphic design magazines, doing my japanese lang worksheets, revising previous chapters, reading the papers, blah blah] and not-so-constructive activities [couch-potato-ing in front of my new best friend, the telly, clearing japanese dramas on impulse, bumming around]
while i am semi-half desperately trying to find a job and a second income to supplement my notsoextravagant lifestyle and semi-inexistent income...

wait,
i DON'T have income.

im subsisting on allowance [which i really don't want to i managed to evade it last week but last week was hell without allowance i could eat bread for every meal and still not be able to put any in my savings] and the measely pay i get every saturday making sure that cute kids dont get quirky and abusive and violent and start killing each other with paint brushes or pencils or whatever

but the job is worth the work i suppose... on a long-term basis.



but still.

i know its illogical and crazy,
but im still waiting for the day that cash will fall from the sky
or that suddenly i get picked up by a normal-looking, smart, rich man who would make me a housewife so i can iron clothes and watch the telly all day

of which i think the possibility of the former is higher, obviously.


sigh.