ok, lots of things to update, so this will be a wordy post. stop here-> if you don't want to read.

today was a life-shattering experience.

it started off badly [from a bad start with not being able to get my psych second-hand text, hall problems, injuries, getting sick and tired of being treated like a man and made fun of, etc. but these are things i ll talk about next time.]

to add to my hallmarks of fame injuries list, [in no particular order]:

damage: bleeding foot sole
source: ashi-sabaki footwork during the kendo camp

damage: sawed hand
source: high speed revolving sandpaper wood smoothing blade

damage: hit foot leading to cut
source: random pieces of bamboo and wood lying around sets place

damage: 'double-knee-cap'/ circular blue-black [the colour increases in intensity from the circumference to the heart of the injury, which is kind of amusing]
source: my lousy footwork + good push from suresh's shinai ---> flew and fell

damage: hammered finger
source: *points to the top* this one is a no brainer -___-

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ok, that should be about it. other minor things are not worth mentioning; my mom always called me die2 dao3 da4 wang2 [directly translated, thats 'falling king' if your hanyupinyin cant make it lol]. i guess i do live up to the name. im glad i she doesnt know about most of this... or else it'd make her so worried....

anyway im digressing.

i think i ll put a simple plan of my current lifestyle:

wenlin's timetable/schedule [pronounced 'skedule' or sh-air-dlue'? frmph.]

for busy days

its
sleep [till noon]
kendo,
dp sets [saw wood, cut wood, drill stuff nail stuff paint stuff carry heavy stuff blah]
maybe filming, eusoff works stuff.

my life primarily is basically made up of these four components.
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wore men today.
it was claustraphobic.
i mean, i FELT claustraphobic.

i felt kind of sickened by the thought of wearing men because the image of me tying the tenogui very slowly at speed 1/n per sec where n ---> infinity was flashing in my mind.
i really didnt want to be slow and left behind and drag everyone down
but when we wore, it worked
somehow, miraculously, i could tuck the bloody thing in comfortably.
YAY. [wenlin +1]
[kudos to estee for telling me how to do it properly.. and helping me with my men]

then i realised i was fast.
YAY. [wenlin +1]
i stood up. most of the others were still tying.

the kirikaeshi was really difficult.
it felt weird wearing the kote cause i couldnt really like grasp the grip of the tsuka.
then i realised tenouchi was really difficult. the first time i had my 'cuts' flying all over the place.
i tried it at a slower pace on my later tries, then it worked. but it was so much conscious effort.

the sweat was coagulating at the tip of my upper lip and i was trying my best to ignore it. lol.
the first time i tied it it was too tight so my ears were freaking painful.


but it felt good.
after everything, when shermaine said 'men-tore'
and i took off my men, placed it by the side, wiped my sweat
i looked forward to doing it again.
and again.

i LOOK forward to doing it again. *smirk*
it was 100% satisfaction.
even better than when i first wore my tare and do.

i look forward to getting stronger. *wide grin*


i lugged the stuff in the rain and took bus b back to hall with jiejing.
another thing i ll cant understand is why everyone seems to think we dont have a platonic relationship. i mean, isn't it obvious that we're really good friends? lol. the absurdity of things.
but hes such a good friend; i 'll never forget some of the things hes said or done
its these kind of friends in hall that make you think,
gosh, its great to be alive. and here, right now.

anyway, forward to sets.
everyone was fascinated with my bogu and shinai.
they were kind of half-amused, half belittling.

i dont even know if i should bother to explain.
albert was like,
kendo is quite useless right? not like when someone attacks you you will have time to draw your shinai and wear bogu.

i didnt know what to say.
because for me, i still cant shoot an answer directly and convince people.
but its a wonderful feeling. =)

initially it was the feeling of a good sweat after some hard work on the dojo.
it was learning humility, politeness, and perseverance
it was getting to know my crazy batch
it was getting closer to the seniors
it was feeling proud to be a kendo ka
it was drawing knowledge from peter sensei
it was self-cultivation, spirit, mind body as one
it was encouraging nods and words from my kakari-teh [zhen feng, james, ck, parry etc]
it was assurance when i felt useless, down and out in the dumps [sher, estee, jiejing, zhenyuan]

i can think of endless reasons, but they would sound superfluous or random to you if you havent experienced it. sweated it out, bled [i have, trust me. we all have, havent we, kendo ka?=)], wanted to give up, wanted to curse and swear, didnt give up, received encouragement, received assurance, gave yourself encouragement, gave yourself motivation

gosh.

and its only been 1 sem.

=)

im getting excited.
*dances around delightedly*

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random things i like about kendo/ to do during breaks during kendo

1. rub my bogu ; my bogu is named ta-ke, if you didnt know!. [it HAS to be no. 1]
2. bumping my bogu against hani's/
3. raising my kote [dont know why, haha]
4. mixing around with hani, ck, james, parry, blah blah
5. carrying my shinai bag around [it makes me feel important]

blah.
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im having really good fun at sets also.
yeah, multiple injuries [i can almost fight with our vice-head, shawn, whose other name is injury-prone] and some really tiring stuff requiring some serious muscle work and power but.
its good, rough, fun.
and its really satisfying also. to see the end product. or mid-product. whatever.

anyway i think i ll post some pics of the stuff we made.

kind of annoyed that im being treated like a man though.


sometimes i think about how nice it would be if i were girly and other people would protect me.
but its really not me; im such a want-face person; i'd never give in and ask others for help.
even if i were dying carrying the scafoldings or wood logs, i'd still do it and pretend
im such a sickening bastard. im hazardous to myself... sigh. so ai-mian zi for what.
some guys are so nuah loh. i mean, if they dont do it, then no one will do, so end up someone needs to do stuff right? then i do loh, i mean, since it has to be done anyway

i ll do it even if i have to die
then if i die after that good, cause i dont need to find a place to hide my face afterwards. lol

a little good natured joshing and joking is fine. poking fun at people, im ok with that

but sometimes i like to be taken cared of also.
i am [somewhat] physically strong
i am [somewhat] masculine
i have a [somewhat] low and guy-ish voice
i act [somewhat] manly [only because i think being more sui-bian and guyish and hao2 shuang3 makes me easier to get along, and i like to think of myself as a swordsman [those in old chinese swordfighting movies, who are strong and skilled but will help others in need] but thats just random haha]
i practice kendo [whats the link man, dont understand. -___- come on, the kendo girl seniors are so feminine lei. im the only exception, dont misunderstand]
i like to take care of girls [erm, i feel like a big sis somehow. not sure why but it always feel like a responsibility to take care of girls who are girlier than me]

BUT.
im still a girl ok.

bottom line is.
i wish people knew where to draw the line.

which is why i always thought that the type of guy who is attractive is the type of guy who makes me feel like a girl

i have yet to meet someone like that.
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ok. its late and my new roomie is sleeping.
i have to be more considerate [even though im typing in the dark but my computer screen is bright i think she cant sleep with the lights on i suddenly realised im quite observant and good at picking up new living habits with people as i did with boey last sem
that was a long chain of thought.


enough of incoherence and irrelevance.
i've had my regular dose.

you?