so, more updates on my usually uninteresting, insignificant, boring, insipid, mundane life.
[ok, so maybe im not as great as i thought i was at coming up with fancy words to describe my oh-so-unglamourous life. frmph. *cocks one eyebrow* =shrug=]

last weekend was a crazy one, with 6pm-6am project meetings, and kendo tournaments, and whatever other video editing projects.... but undoubtedly, it was fulfilling.
im one of those crazy fellas who love to die over hectic schedules.
*smirk*

some not-so-well-taken photos to further enhance your visual experience.







kendo girls. my face, half-hidden, again [WHAT? its not like im camera-shy on purpose, ok! *protests*] taken by jj. =)













koped this from james san. hes the one on my left [left when you view the picture, not my left hand side in the picture... wait, you understand what im saying, right???? T_T]











this one from my camera =D taken by our beautiful senior whos a korean. =P haha.











ok. so maybe it wasnt just schoolwork and all.
XP. haha =)

made time to go to VIVO with kon san and hot babe....

DAMN PAI SEH LA, BUT

and being sporting and all, to entertain all of you and ensure you do not get bored with schoolwork and reading my uninteresting blog, some silly photo to laugh at... *runs to a corner to hide*









and here, hot babe and kon san. =)

miss them... dont know why. even though we just met last week...










miss wife even more. its like been n days since i last saw her..
where n is an integer ----------> infinity... sigh.
miss her yasashi face... and her warm voice.... and her gentle disposition.
ya lah, at this point of time you might freak out and tell me not to stray from the normal path, but worry not, i am irrevocably straight. *stands very straight*
though men just fail to interest me. most anyway. *looks away* erhem.
its like im a gay man trapped in a woman's body.

if i were a man i would definitely marry qiu han. she's like the model girlfriend [i think so anyway] understanding, forgiving, compromising, blah blah *goes on ranting about the endless merits of wife*] things would be much easier.

its harder to connect with guys on such a close level.
she can tolerate my crazy temper, my sudden broodiness, my outbursts of happiness...
i mean, i dont think i ll ever be able to find someone who can understand me, comfort me, be there for me as well as she can...
its like i need her. *sigh*

pity im not a man. or else things would be easier...


la dee dum.
but its not bad being a girl la. its not like i have electra complex or anything. stupid sigmund freud. *sticks out tongue*


miss weiling and darell also...







sometimes i have the urge to just settle back into regression....
reminisce the good old times...
wear that blue uniform
cheer loudly....




but im glad i found my place.
im settling well. *smiles* =)
smile...


i ll post more photos on my kendo kah-kees the next time round after i kope them from jie jing =D HURRAH KENDO ROCKS!!!!!! hahahaha =)

its always rainy, sad, broody days that i feel this urge to go to some secluded, distant, obscure corner of the planet to cry to myself.

and i feel
overwhelmed by weird bursts of loneliness
driven by illogical thoughts

i feel sad, crazy, and romantic.
i want to go out and dance in the rain.
i feel a gush of delight when i see the rainclouds brewing/

my logic pulls me back
my mind restrains me
and so i cannot.

all i can do is take my beautiful umbrella
and walk in the rain.

as i watch the pretty raindrops fall against its transparent cover
i can only cry silently at my foolishness and folly

tired.

if im strong,

nows the time to show it.




its time to whack some brains. [imaginary brains of course, how sad =(]
[at this point of time, you should be very worried that i ll 'men' you.
but worry not, despite my rough and violent nature, and my
natural brute strength, i will not harm anyone just so easily. *evil smile*



meanwhile, justin timberlake and nelly futardo [yep, i spelt that right *wide grin*]
are playing at the back if my head.

due to popular demand, porn photos for your viewing pleasure.

sometimes i feel empty inside.
its not like im sad or anything.
i just lack the empathy or emotion or ability to feel something. or anything./

im so lost but feel i make no sense but still cannot do anything./

there are times i feel so tired i dont want to go anywhere.
i want to recoil, to retreat, to runaway
i feel weak, helpless, foolish, stupid.

it all boils down to that nauseating plethora of existence.
everything is cloying; i feel numb,

words are but fleeting, useless, senseless little things.
they do nothing to free me from my prison of thoughts.
they are nothing but feeable respresentations of the excruciating thoughts that run through my mind, chain my body;

but what will you know? when you say you understand the kind of overwhelming loneliness that devours me whole even when i am surrounded by others... do you think you understand, or do you really understand?
i will never understand the way you
no one will ever understand the way i am
because things are never what they seem, right?
even if i try to tell you,
words will separate your being from my thoughts, my feelings, my emotions.
my voice is but a superficial medium;

i love song, so dearly, but what is it that i truly sing?
i thrive in conversation, but how many of these conversations bear real significance?
words are but words,
and they will eventually be forgotten.

nothing makes sense.

but as long as its beautiful, i dont really care.



in the end, nothing matters.
because thats what living is all about, right?
these small, sad, insignificant but beautiful things.

and love.

I know you need a friend, someone you can talk to
Who will understand what you're going through
When it comes to love, there's no easy answer
Only you can say what you're gonna do

I heard you on the phone, you took his number,
Said you were alone but you called him "Sue"
Isn't he the guy, the guy who left you cryin'?
Isn't he the one who made you blue?

When you remember those nights in his arms,
You know you gotta make up your mind

Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you
Or are you goin' back to the one you love?
Someone's gonna cry when they know they've lost you
Someone's gonna thank the stars above

What you gonna say when he comes over?
There's no easy way to see this through
All the broken dreams, all the disappointments
Oh girl, what you gonna do?

Your heart keeps sayin', "It's just not fair"
But still you gotta make up your mind

Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you
Or are you goin' back to the one you love?
Someone's gonna cry when they know they' ve lost you
Someone's gonna thank the stars above

after everything, in the end,
the only thing i ever reallt wanted was you.

im always like half-hearted.

i think i lost the kind of decisiveness and man-ness in me [ok, i know its stereotypical to say that women are more wishy-washy, after all, i used to be an anomalous example, but now considering the fact that im slowly losing it, and i see it as a proved norm... well]

i need to find time to myself and decide what i really want.

because im having trouble with all these commitments scattered all over the place.
trying to be enthusiastic, and xiao-on in kendo, trying to forge social relationships in block, in hall, trying to keep up with my studies, finish the biblographies of my essays and pass my tests, trying to keep in contact with my old friends, trying to pick up the duties of being japanese studies society secretary, trying....

im always trying and trying but it seems like im never getting there.
its like im always half a step away. all i have to do is stride faster, stronger, wider.


but i am feeling tired and weak.
and i am feeling like running away.

i am not sure if i have the courage to face some things.
i am not sure if these things are as important to me as they were before, since my priorities seem to have changed.




i tell you what i want.


i want to know everyone in my block [to be able to hold a decent conversation that is. i dont count 'hi' as an example]
i want to be good at kendo [and possibly become a kendo exco member]
i want to be super fit like the greek gods and goddesses at my hall
i want to like myself [i do sometimes, but its hard to do it all the time you see]
i want to do well for my exams
i want to earn lots of baito money
i want to spend that money on the trip to japan with my kon san and the jss people
i want to come back, stay and be a commited, good member of dp sets
i want to make use of the remaining holidays to study and catch up
i want to get an honours in psych, then i can do a masters in art therapy


whatever it is.
im feeling damn tired now.

just want to give up.
but i know when i wake up tomorrow i ll be irritatingly cheerful and optimistic [how annoying and disgusting, isnt it *smirk*]



I NEED DRIVE, AND I AM GOING TO MOTIVATE MYSELF TO DO IT DAMMIT!

i like kendo.

i like the feeling of being able to take control; that effort put in = result, that i can be better than others even though we start off at the same level ground.
for once, there seems to be something physical that i can actually do well.

and damn am i going to make sure i do well in it.

a random and totally irrelevant point:
i dislike being inside pictures because i believe pictures are meant to be a superficial copy of eternal beauty but i dont think i qualify because obviously im not beautiful enough

anyway here are some random pictures for the weekend, enjoy:







kon san. =) ne san loves you!





















silly lemming wz! =)
stupid yelping dinosaur chinchilla loves you!

















geok with kon lying on my hard-as-a-rock bed!
lol =)
















beautiful night as a taxi speeds past.

clazziquai has a new remix album and its got me so damn addicted *squeals mentally* [come on; you know you d never catch me squealing *smirk*]

feeling tired these days. dont know whats wrong. but i really like it here.
i cant imagine not staying in hall; i mean, my life would be virtually just = studying.
which is sad, right? because to me, always, it has been the people around me that has made my being alive worthwhile.

i mean, some people may get on my nerves; and me, on theirs, but in the end, still, i still enjoy company. that's an understatement; i thrive on it. i relish in your presence, your voice, your warmth, your smile. [your being a plural/ *smile*]

today i ll talk about some random thing [yes, AGAIN, wenlin is the epitome of random-ness; she is oh-so-boring-and-mundane-and-silly-and-why-the-heck-are-you-even-reading-this-because-you-re-really-bored?]

eyebrows.

so people have told me that my msn nickname:

'japanese eyebrows look all the same; yours stood out like a sore thumb'
is one in a million.

*smiles generously*[if thats possible. it just means my mouth is curling, anyway, HAH]
i dont know why, but to me, the next most important thing on a person's face after his/her nose is his/her eyebrows. because they sort of adorn the eyes, which are supposed to be the 'windows to the soul' [crap, thats so overhyped; with those eye stick thingies and double eyelid operations and coloured contacts and contacts that enlarge irises, whats the big deal about beautiful eyes! come on people! wake up! his mesmerizing eyes are probably achieved with the help of some superficial apparatus [ok that sounds weird; i think gadget or tool would be better =p]]

i mean people can argue that eyebrows can be shaved and redrawn and artifully shaped and plucked and cut and made to perfection, but ultimately i think the natural shape is there =)

and oh, i love bushy, thick, nicely shaped eyebrows. nothing turns me on more than a pair of confident, all-knowing-i-am-in-charge, charismatic eyebrows. pretty eyebrows are an even larger turn-on, i had to stop myself from practically ogling at those pretty eyebrows on those japanese school girls when they came [and their perfect noses; but thats not the point]

i like to judge people at first sight based on how their eyebrows look [noses are more for personal aesthetic pleasure =P] ... happy eyebrows; angry eyebrows; smart, clean-cut eyebrows; ruffled, messy eyebrows; blur eyebrows; 'open' eyebrows...
to some extent i find some truth relayed via these eyebrows about their respective owners...

eyebrows cannot lie.
then again, maybe they do, sometimes.
mine are bushy and look angry [really! no kidding! they make me look like yakuza material when i dont smile; but when i smile, i get feedback i look like a kindergarten kid, *shrug* its lesser of the two evils i guess]

but they are open and honest, kind of like my character. so i guess they dont lie. and my temper CAN be terrible... so... *looks away* wow, the clouds are so chio today! [oh theres haze; cant see the clouds...ops]

....
....
silence settles.

.....
ok, anyway thats MY take on eyebrows.
next time you see me, take a good look and scrutinize my eyebrows; maybe they ll secretly tell you something about me ... because i ll be look at yours [at least subconsciously, anyway =D]

if im not small and weak and thus protected by others,

then at least,




i can be big and strong and protect myself/
right?

ribbons in her hair/


the girl is distraught; a thousand ribbons in her hair
tied so tightly, wound so strongly, she longs to be free
yet beautiful ribbons strung in her hair; woe be she

how nice if i were eating there....

*daydreams*

....
....
....

sigh.







amidst the bleak future; i bear nebulous hope that my friends support... they are the marrow of life...




[sometimes life seems like a blur to me; the only things that seems evident or important to me are my friends...]








snow white! *chuckles*












i love the way her jawline looks; its incredibly sexy.... and that tuff of anomalous hair poking out refusing to conform to the rest...




pretty girls will be, pretty girls. *smile*






IWANTTOWACTHIWANTTOWATCHIWANT
TOWATCHIWANTTOWATCHIWANTTO
WATCHIWANTTOWATCHIWANTTOWATCH




[oh gosh look that the incredibly sexy way hes resting his thumb against his lip; that pensive, dark, brooding looking....*drools*]

its guys like this who make me feel ashamed to be a girl.

i remember some people said that my blog was too wordy. *sad face*

from now onwards, i ll alternate between picture entries and wordy-essay entries.
let my pictures speak for themselves.









you ll never catch me without food. *wide grin*















MMMMMMMMmmmmmmm......













good food; hot babe, what else can i ask for?


















i love her =P hahaha. silly qiu ping!














watashi no sekkai ichiban ii na tomodachi! =D

i cannot really see the reason why i get deliriously happy when i see babies.

i mean, really deliriously happy.
as in.
madly.
crazily.

i read once that we, humans are touched the most by babies and dead people because they are symbolic of birth and death, the landmarks in our lives [technically death isnt because when you re dead thats not a part of your life, right? frmph].
and so we adore babies [at least most of us do, save for my lemming sister, who hates babies and children because she says they annoy her and she ll never produce one]
and we weep at funerals [at the loss of precious life... at the sight of an empty shell, decaying corpse, whatever]

so maybe thats why i like babies.

as much as darell likes balloons.
as much as qiu han likes to sing kbox
as much as qiu ping likes kon
as much as wei ling likes blue
as much as hui chiang likes ...erm [shes likes a lot of things lei. how?]

another reason is maybe because of motherly instinct [biologically speaking. i ve always liked to believe in this kind of genetic stereotypical nonsense, HAHA]
and of course

because babies can be fat and adorable
AND GET AWAY WITH IT
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
*memories flashing back of tormented childhoods during which cheeks were bitterly pulled and pinched and gushed on about adoringly*

.....


my left foot sole hurts.
a whole piece of skin fell off during kendo practice.
it nearly bled [AHAH but it DIDNT! *smirk*]
i guess kendo really pushes your limits.

silly akaimegane san, roger, and qiuping =)













when you travel at the speed of bus 151 at 9.00pm, this is what everything looks like.














more dazzling lights as i fly past on 151

















lao gong 1 + lao gong 2

i know some people share their wives,

so,

why not their husbands?













when you re bored in the subway with nothing to do...

this is what happens...











when you re walking along the road



and you re suddenly hit by a surge of frenzy

this is what happens

FOOD ADVENTURE =D chinatown [part 1]

So this weekend [saturday night, actually, yay] i had the fortune to go on a crazy food adventure [that was supposed to start out as a mooncake-mid-autumn-festival-going-out-to-squeeze-with-the-crowd-and-doing-no-eating outing] with qiu ping and hui chiang...

this is the first picture i took right after we go out of the chinatown mrt... its so bad i feel like killing myself, but hey, with n number of people's heads in front of you [n heads, that would mean, where n------> infinity] what kind of scenery can you get....

i was so desperate i felt like climbing on top of the chinatown mrt shelter thing so i could take a decent photo...

ok, so im weird. but not THAT weird.
so i didnt. [i know you re heaving a sigh of relief now, dont bluff!!!]

this one is kind of a bit arty-pseudo-artistic-but-actually-really-just-a-uber-lousy-photo-resulting-from-sadly-shaky-hands [eh, i took it when i jus started walking ok! inertia of camera... relative velocity, blah blah...]

this was a small alley with less people...
so we were strolling leisurely along...


and i cant believe wife actually pang seh-ed us so that she could watch 'bump off lover' [the translation sucks but thats its english name; its a taiwan idol drama called ai4 sha1 shi2 qi1] .... sigh... never mind that. at least we met up earlier during the week to sing k... wife always likes to sing but doesnt have an outlet for release, HAHA. her voice is naturally a little nazel but i find it cute [i guess thats why shes my wife, RIGHT?]


we walked along, and i was wondering what the heck we were going to do [mooncake sampling
? =p HAHA im such a crazy greedy bastard HAHAHAA *evil laughter echoes*]

then we walked...

and we walked...

AND WE....

ENDED UP

EATING!!!!!!!!!!!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAA *crazy laughter ensues*

this marks the beginning of crazy food adventure, aka CFA.

#1 dessert [dont ask me why, we just chanced upon this first...]

this is the two of them with 2/3 of the desserts we ordered at the cho yu-mei [it means famous in jap, silly. hahaha] cantonese dessert stall...

frmph. we had carrot cake, gui ling gao, mango something, hazenut cream, peanut cream, and sesame cream.... what a spread, HAHAHAHAHA =D

look at how amused qiu ping looks, HAHAHAHAH i cant stop laughing [this is the good thing about being the photographer; you get to delete all the ugly photos of yourself, if there are any in the first place, HAHAHA]

in overall i think the mango thing was good... gui ling gao had strong herbal taste [need to add lots of honey] but it had a nice cool clean taste... my hazelnut cream was very erm.. fragrant [somehow that sounds wrong] and the peanut was not bad too... but the creams were all a bit cloying after a while...

more in the next post =D