the girl with a whole in her



sometimes she felt like there was a hole inside her.
a loneliness devouring her, slowly swallowing, eating her away
filling her up, in a peculiar fashion, leaving her with nothing but emptiness inside.

but what is emptiness?
it is merely the lack of substance,

she could feel the hole's malice, its ambition.
she knew she was empty inside.
yet the incapacity filled her whole.

sometimes she liked to sit around and do things that bore absolutely no significance to her.
it was only because she wanted to pass time badly. so, so badly.

maybe she would sit infront of the television,
watch brainless slapstick shows, laugh for a few moments, forget the hole
and then, as the laughter subsides, the hole would slowly creep up, into her
and it would slowly grow
larger, and larger, and larger...

and it would fill her.

sometimes she felt the urge to eat, to fill her stomach, to fill herself up
as if
the feeling of overwhelm
would be able to counter the loneliness latent inside
but it would be futile
because all would be left would be a feeling of sadness
and a desire to cry

sometimes she would try to love
she never asked for much
but what she wished, she never got back
eventually, she realised,
nobody seemed to be able to fill up the hole inside


loneliness engulfs her. it swallows her; overwhelms her
it feeds on her like a parasite; only more savage, more cruel
in the end

the girl died.

the appeal of younger men.


ok, so maybe the sources are right.
older women like younger men, because they are more naive, more spontaneous, have better sex drive and performance in bed, are great lovers, tend to be more compromising, and usually surprise them with wonderful thoughtful[but not neccessarily extravagant] gifts every now and then.

i was tutoring my pri kid when i couldnt resist the thought that kept creeping into my mind

oh my god, he is so cute
oh my god, he will be so yummy when he grows up
oh my god....*looks in awe*

....
oh my god, hes 12 years my junior
.....T_T....
when im 29 he ll only be 17. this is ridiculous.


anyway, drifting away from the topic of younger men, in my usual irrelevance-and-incoherence-is-my-thought-process-but-i-insist-irrelevance-and-incoherence-dont-qualify-as-thought-processes-and-are-merely-the-lack-of-thought-processes-style

i seem to be doing things to get myself embarrassed a lot lately.
like for example, i was carrying the groceries and walking home in step with my dad, when i had this sudden urge to give my dad a manly-slap-on-the-back [the source being a sudden swell of penis envy, i swear. freud, you have done us well.] then of course, thinking no one was looking, i just went ahead with it

and he was like: !.... hmm. ?

and i was like: .... *just want to give a man to man thing despite not being female*

at this point of time i felt a presence lurking behind me [honestly before this i only believed such things oured in novels and drama serials] and i very coolly and tao-looking-ly turned my head around, groceries in tow, hung very cooly like a hooligan at my shoulder

there was this really shocked and meek looking guy wearing school uniform [maybe sajc?] behind me

me: *very tao and buay song face*

guy: !!!!!!!!!! *wants to xiam somewhere*




all i could do was walk really fast and xiam all the way to the other side of the bridge before i died of mortification.

ok, so i intimidate people. i know that, but it doesnt need to be proven, ok?

sigh.

The girl who was like a cat.


There once was a girl and a boy.
The girl and the boy had known each other for very long.
The girl reminded the boy of a cat. The way her lips curled into something like a cross between a confident smirk and a Cheshire cat grin whenever he bought her something tasty; the way she liked to sit with her legs folded and close to her, her arms crossed and her head rested on her kneecap. And it wasn’t just the physicality alone; her mercurial temperament; her stubbornness; her refusal to be weak or to accept help from others; her occasional tantrums; her need, sometimes, to be looked after, to be cared for.

[Boy]

I can’t stand the way she pushes me away when she needs me the most.
I can’t stand the way she sometimes hurts my feelings by saying things she doesn’t mean.
I can’t stand the way she tries too hard to be strong.
I can’t stand her horrible temper when we have an argument.

Sometimes i…

Just think that I would be better off with someone else
Just think that we aren’t suited to be together
Just think that she isn’t what I really want
Just think that its too much trouble
Just think that things should end.

But i…

Can’t ignore it when she refuses to cry in front of me
Can’t ignore it when she rests her head on my shoulder
Can’t ignore it when she holds on to my arm
Can’t ignore it when she looks forlorn
Can’t ignore it when she’s unhappy
Can’t ignore it when she’s sad

i…

Want to stroke her forehead and her hair
Want to hold her hand and keep it warm
Want to see her pretty smile
Want to stay by her side
Want her to be happy
Want to protect her.

Because of this…
He held her hand and never let go.


[Girl]

I hate it the way I refuse him when I need him the most
I hate it the way I say things that I don’t mean to him
I hate it when I try too hard
I hate it when we argue.

But i…

Like it when he holds my hand
Like it when he knows I need him
Like it when he lends me his shoulder
Like it when he strokes my forehead and hair.

Because of this…
She only smiled for him.



I don’t really know how the story ends.
Whatever the outcome, I hope it’s a happy one. =)

Because everybody likes happy endings, right?