so seriously im wondering if i have gastric. if this persists...

anyway today felt like a good day.
because david taught me how to bike! must really thank him for teaching me and enduring my total lack of... athletism. if there is such a word that is.
ps, it sucks to be on a 2 person bike. the other time at pulau ubin, if not for him, i d have to walk around the island while the others cycled.

i must learn how to cycle.

can already la, that is, if the road isnt too winding or treacherous.
but most roads are =( aiye. esp those in ubin. but surprisingly the other time we didnt even fall once. hes a damn good rider. haha. =) heavy weight = more inertia = lower cg = more stable? haha.

it felt really good when for quite a few times i rode the bike on my own, for a large part of the journey, and i could feel my arms relaxing, and the wind just carrying me and the bike's weight.
its like flying on a swing. brilliant, really. no other way to describe it.

i guess some hard work has to be put in. in the beginning when i was trying out, the rain started to pour, and i was like, so how now? but i really didnt want to give it up.

i realised riding a bike is like life.
and i guess i cant really ride it properly
especially when there are lots of other people around.
i totally freak out when i see passersby [yes, not passerby-s, but passersby] and end up either i almost ramm into a tree or just brake in the middle of the road and wait for them to pass. cos some of these irritating people just sasshay around since they expect every single biker on the road to be highly experienced and skilled.

i need a 'learning to ride' banner behind my borrowed bike.
the kind of yellow thing with an orange triangle in the middle that new drivers on the road have to put for the first few months. haha.

applying this to life. sometimes i guess i worry too much about how others feel. being too concerned, being to bothered. it itself is a bother to me. i cant think properly, cant work properly.

sometimes i go too fast on the bike cos i like to ride really fast especially when i see a hill coming on.
but if its a sharp bend i might end up flying out and scratching my elbow and injuring my knee.
sometimes im too impatient with things. honestly im really really like... totally brash. i like to work based on gut and instinct. i hate to wait for things to happen.
but hurry too much and hurt is sure to accompany.


ok, so now i can ride. but i still need more practice =)
need to find a way to thank david. maybe arrange for single outings for him and hui chiang. heh heh.
he keeps calling her, 'hai zi ta ma' [kid's mother], while he is hai zi ta ba [kid's father]
hahaha but she just wont accept him. too short she says. honestly, shes too tall. haha.
we need to meet to plan for her birthday surprise! =D

woohaaaa =D
all the guys seem very enthu about it. haha.
i understand why mr wong doesnt really like girls. i mean, we add fun and stuff, but i get the feeling we destroy the kind of intricate balance between the guys. especially if... if...
but that wont happen. we re all friends.


life is treacherous. sigh. and i havent learnt how to brake slowly or turn properly yet.
a sharp bend and watch me fly out.
5 band- aids are my trophy for today.

but for that wonderful 40 minutes in the wind.
every single cut was worth it.
thats life.

i cannot describe the kind of joy, the kind of euphoric feeling that only a bipolar patient can achieve on a pseudo orgasmic high that i got when she looked at it and almost sighed with some heavy burden and said,

you have real talent.

for the first time in my life i have ever been so certain
what i want. what i am near. but it seems so hard, so faraway i just want to take the easy way out.


when was it when i last got a nod of acknowledgement?
sec two i think. the teacher read out a list of students that she recommended take art in future due to some talent she saw in us.

i cannot express the kind of pride i had when my name was read out, even though as expected.
alas, i was not brave enough.



i am now.
and i know what else i want.
two of my favourite things.
doing what i love via the medium i love the most.



life can seem so good sometimes.
but its still some time away.
till then.
life continues.