i like warm, cozy mornings. its the tiny rays of the sunlight that give that snuggly feeling even though theres the aftermath of the cold chilly night...

i drew this picture some time ago; so this is kind of a back-date post. but its the drawing of 'real life' characters that i like second best... second only to a picture... but i ll nvr get to show it to you guys, since i gave it away [i realise all my best drawings, i give away.... =)]

feeling kind of settled into my environment already; but im still missing home... and kind of falling sick also... which is really funny [as in weird-funny, not haha-funny] considering the fact that im so uber healthy i dont get byoki that easily at all...


lately i ve realised how superficial i am.
which is depressing. because i know almost everyone judges other people by their looks, and i like to think that i dont belong to this 'almost everyone' category, but reality has proven otherwise... i mean, i dont impose or force like 'ideals' onto others [e.g. the person i like MUST have nice eyes, high cheekbones, blah blah...*rambles] but i cant deny that

i like beautiful things and people
=(

its not a sin right?

it just so happens that i appreciate beauty better that others...
and that well, sometimes, at first sight,
i judge people by their noses [and eyebrows, somewhat]

and i DO have a tendency to want to get to know beautiful people and want to be in possesion of beautiful things... its a small obsession of sorts... but its not the same as

but thats really only at first sight...
all the people who know me well [well, somewhat, that is.] will know [ok, i used 'know' twice, which is like kind of awkward] that im really not superficial at all [ok that sounds like its a lame excuse, but its true! *protests*]

the thing is, i cant help it the way i gush on and on when i see a beautiful girl/boy [usually its the former; considering i have better appreciation of feminine beauty than masculine... boys who are too pretty are merely a waste of resources; they should all be girls *mouth curls into evil smile*]
i cannot help how feelings of extreme joy and exhilaration burst out in me when i see something beautiful... i will want to keep it; keep looking at it; marvelling at the perfection of it...

which kind of links to the point
that i sometimes suffer from pangs of low self-esteem and require self-assurance [believe it or not, sometimes when i feel demoralised, i ll go to a quiet corner and say to myself: wenlin, jia you! and i ll immediately feel n times better [where n is a number------> infinity] ] especially when i wake up in the mornings and look at myself in the mirror

sometimes i practically cringe at my nose
=( its like this sad looking thing. [my sister says i have a fetish for noses; its just my thing, ok?]
not that it really matters much; it functions perfectly well; and its a typical asian nose, not like some huge weird ugly looking thing, but

anything that is not beautiful will evoke in me feelings of ... well...
disdain.

and so, still,
every morning,
i wake up and look at my not-so pretty nose.

and resolve to marry some one with an extremely nice nose [yes, because i know that the allele for sharp, straight noses is dominant, while the allele for not-so-nice noses like mine is recessive so hopefully my children wont have to suffer a fate similar to mine]

and what was my point?

i know nothing can really be perfect, and not everything can be beautiful, but
i just like beautiful things. a lot more than normal people do.
well. frmph.