omg. i just added m&ms into my yoghurt. ha ha. very weird but nice taste.
:)
im gonna mug once i finish this ok? ha ha. yawn. econs is super hard. i think i ll have to read through chapter 15 and 16 at least n times [where n = infinity] so that at least i can understand whats going on... sigh.


must go back to school later for skill B spa. so weird. sigh.
T_T
yesterdays prep talk with the teachers was useful yet futile. if u get what i mean. :(
obviously the teachers wun change la. put on nice smiles and pretend to be receptive but once we give our suggestions they ll pretend to consider them nicely smile and slam us/ shoot us down in a nice gp essay format kind of way. whatever.

it was kind of disgusting doing that worksheet thing. having to list out the things i have done for the comm and the choir, blah blah blah

i mean, come on. i dun type choir minutes and send encouraging emails because i want to get points from it, i do it cos i like doing it. cos i like the comm, cos i want to do sth for them/us not cos of whatever leadership points involved here..
so disgusting
but im disgusted with myself cos i still wrote down the stuff anyway.

sigh.
starting i guess it was really cos i was living in that state...

a philosophical extract:

soren kierkegaard believed that human life is based upon three spheres of existence between which we have to choose: the aesthetic, the ethical and the religious.

choosing the aesthetic sphere lets us in for a hedonistic life of pleasure seeking, for a constant striving for novelty. this choice is motivated by the dread of boredom, and is a flight frm despair, but is doomed to failure. evetuanlly we fall prey to despair and melancholy.

choosing the ethical sphere lets us in for a life of submission to duty and obligation. but eventually this leads to a loss of autonomy, and thus of genuine moral responsibility.

the last sphere gives us the phrase 'leap of faith'. it involves a submission to god that is somehow consistent with and even necessary for true freedom. this is beyond rationality and is typified for kierkegaard by the story of abraham and lsaac in the judeo-christian bible.


i think all my life i ve been passing to and fro between the aesthetic sphere and the ethical sphere. going to school because it is my responsibility as a student to do so, doing my homework because i have to do so... sigh
starting off when i was in the comm things were rather dreary. it was more like i did things because it was my duty to do so and since i am a 'man of my word' or woman with integrity and responsibility, i would carry out my duties as i should have done so/ should be doing so..
helong ash did not comr to me so naturally

it seemed evident that she had the burden of the world on her shoulders and despite many people paying lip service to her, it was clear that no one really helped her. i felt kind of bad. driven by guilt i suppose, so i offered to help. i didnt do much, just some small miscellaneous things but im glad to have been at least of some little help to her.. :)

and as i got to know her better we grew closer and became true friends. and after that helping her became even more easier simply because she was no longer just my boss but also a friend close to my heart... and she is so fragile.. :) u just want to hold her carefully and protect her and be there for her...
the role of the secretary is to support the president because the president has a really heavy load to carry. :) and u cant let her fall. NO WAY!!!!!

sigh. there are a lot of things i could have done better.
but i m confident that i did a better job than chung. ha ha. :) XD. cos he didnt set a very high benchmark for me in the first place, ha ha. :P oh well.

it was nice of thom to say some things... and ben also. they didnt launch into a monotonous rant / glorification of what they had contributed for the choir etc etc. ha ha. i know some pple did it but its not on purpose, it was just the nature of things during the meeting yesterday. but it was revolting. quite a bit. i m sure so and so didnt do this and that so that he or she could prove that he or she has effective leadership, or because he or she is helpful...
that worksheet is total crap. i d rip it apart if i could. but i hate to admit but i still need the points and the words of recommendations from the teachers.

im disgusted with myself.
always having conflicting ideals, conflicting desires, needs, a conflicting will...

sigh. at least now things have come to full circle. and im about to step down from being choir secretary of choir comm 2004/5...
i want to thank the comm, for better or for worse [quoted from thom], because through the many conflicts, troubles, events, things stuff we did together, i ve grown and matured and come out of the comm as a better person. what an experience! looking back, if given a second chance, i still would have submitted that form and ran for secretary

i am blessed to have known and worked with everyone of you, though some more than others.
gf, you know what i mean? *hug*
and i ve made some friends also..
:)



choir comm 2004/2005.
we were elected for a reason.
its because
we are good. :)