Ways to get a hangover

step1:
study the first four chapters of organic chem and try to cramm all the reagents and reactions into your measely little useless brain within one hour in order to be able to follow your impossible to follow study schedule.

step 2:
realise that step 1 is impossible to carry out and stop for a break. casually walk to the kitchen for the next step

step3:
casually open the fridge, dismissing chocolate, ice cream, and whatever BAD BAD foods that are existent in your fridge. or non existent in your fridge but apparently in your mind. whatever.
p.s rmbr to stock up the cans of beer in your fridge beforehand and then casually forget about it and leave it in the cold compartment.

step4:
pick up a can of beer from the bottom compartment and peer at it curiously, wondering the nutritional value of its contents. then weigh the pros and cons and realise its not worth it.

step5:
drink it anyway.

step6:
drink the whole can within 5 minutes. on an empty stomach

step7:
try to continue memorising the rest of the chapters of organic chemistry and start feeling woozy.

CONGRATULATIONS, IF YOU HAVE FOLLOWED THE ABOVE INSTRUCTIONS RELIGIOUSLY, YOU SHOULD BE DRUNK BY NOW. IF NOT, YOU RE SOME POOR SOD WITH A GOOD HOLD FOR LIQUOR. IF BEER DOESNT WORK, TRY XO INSTEAD. OR VODKA. that should do the trick.


Ways to cure a hangover

now if you ve followed the above instructions religiously and end up drunk and stoned and desparately need help to wake up in time to continue with your impossible study schedule, all you have to do is follow these instructions. this is the cure, so apparently this will take more steps to achieve the desired result.

step1
realised you re feeling woozy and crawl to bed.

step2
SLEEP YOU IDIOT!!!! HOW THE HECK CAN YOU CRAM STUFF INTO YOUR BRAIN WHILE YOUR BRAIN FEELS LIKE COTTON WOOL?!?

step3
sleep for as long as 1 and a 1/2 hours.

step4
or longer.

step5
wake up and realise your face is still red. and your stomach feels weird. go get some bread to fill your stomach.

step6
go back to sleep.

step7
wake up and realise your face is NOT red. now thats the way to go.

step8
step onto that creepy thing i call the weighing machine and realise you ve put on 0.1 kg just by drinking beer and eating bread.

step9
worry about it. WORRY MAN!!!!

step 10
make a cup of green tea

step 11
drink it slowly

step 12
realise it worsens things and your tummy feels rounder

step13
slow jog for 45 min.

step14
not forgeting to try to cram stuff into your brain while you jog. hold your notes and mumble the facts under your breath.

CONGRATULATIONS! IF YOU HAVE FOLLOWED THE ABOVE INSTRUCTIONS CAREFULLY, YOU SHOULD BE CURED OF YOUR HANGOVER NOW! AND YOUR DID IT IN LESS THAN 3 HOURS! YOU SHOULD BE REALLY PROUD OF YOURSELF!!!

the things i do. *sigh*