feeling xian diao. saturday mornings always make me feel lazy for some reason.taa da dee dum.
alarm rang at six, and i was so damn annoyed i switched it off and went back to sleep.luckily mom nudged me at six thirty so i could rush my way to school.
bus came so fast that i arrived way before time in school and stoned around with serene and some other people.mich and rx were nowhere to be seen.haiz.
 
you know that kind of feeling that you get when you seem like you re running late and the bus suddenly appears out of the blue and you feel like it must have been some good deed you ve done in your past life that made you so good, so lucky and you just feel damn good to be alive?
for some weird reason i didnt feel that way when i saw the bus coming.i usually do, but instead i felt a sort of dread overwhelm me...like the sort of bad feeling you get when you dropped your coin inside the drain or sth.
 
rmbr once i dropped my school badge into the elevator shaft spacing. felt damn sad after that.
 
rain always make me feel sad for some weird reason,even if im not feeling sad at all.its just the gloom and the dread and whatever, the feeling of lethargy and fatigue washing over and flooding my woozy brain. maybe i should have just stayed at home and ponned the whole prac thingy. was dreading it so much.
 
but by the time i reached there and finished the whole thing, i realised what i dreaded was not the thing itself but rather the process, cos while i was doing the prac, time seemed to fly, couldnt rmbr a thing.
listened to contemp recording for the first time, really really good, esp dayong.rich, colour, emotion,expression...
 
saturdays im always weird, like not really myself. i tink random thoughts, scattered and sparse, that bear little or no significance at all, and they make me sad.
rmbr tht when i was small, i longed for long wavy golden locks that shine like the sun.i longed to be a pretty princess staying in a huge castle which lots of toys.longed to wear lovely dresses with frills and laces and ribbons and bows.
how long has it been since then? i have not changed much, have i?
not much, except i found my place in a royal family, with a lovely pink princess, lame knight and thoughtful purple royal pet. i am smiling jester.
 
sometimes i find it hard to smile despite all the rain.
when i came back from prac, the rain stopped, as if to say, welcome home! :D and i rmbred the rain when had after contemp finals.it had such special meaning to me....
but what i didnt realise was that a bigger gloomier rain was awaiting my return....:(
 
have you ever wished to be someone else?have you ever felt helpless?have you ever felt vulnerable?have you ever felt regret?have you ever felt loneliness?have you ever felt cheated?have you ever felt sad?have you ever felt empty?have you ever felt so small?have you ever felt like crying in spite of everyone arnd u smiling?have you ever felt like your mind and your body didnt listen?have you ever felt like running away?have you ever felt like crying bu the tears refused to come?
 
whatever.i better stop.