This is for Miss Yeoh Yeeeee, whose birthday is like now, like today.

i know my blog is a bit boring,

it's just a mundane monologue,

mostly sullen, and moody, random and what not,

but here's a happy post, for all the wonderful times, for all the times you tolerated my impossible temper, for all the times you've cheered me up at hall breakfast (with your personification of hall breakfasts- the 没人情味的包子，忘了是什么-的米粉, for all the times you've called me 'the painter', for all the times i've said something to you just so i could see you to do 'the eyebrow' (thrills me to no end), for all the picnics we've had together (more in future!), for all the sleepless days we've toiled for senseless things together, for all the silly B3 moments we've shared together,

cheers to Yeoh Yee Yee,

without you,

what would the world be?

a boring, dull and gloomy place. (*cue unanimous moaning)

happy birthday, EEEEEE! :)

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this is random but guimingwayne loves the xx (i kind of introed him to it) and i am so happy about it.

(good) music is like this happy disease-

it makes me so happy to be sneezing and walking around and just spreading it to everyone in sight, you know?

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i think i know why i like generous people. It's because seeing their acts or experiencing their acts of generosity on myself encourages my generosity, and i like being generous, like a lot.

you can call it being reckless (such as being reckless with your money but since i give allowance to my parents and actually bother to keep an amount of my salary as savings on a monthly basis i guess i'm not reckless. i suppose)-

all depends on your POV.

but i like it.

because someone treating me will make me feel like treating the person back. Call it the typical chinese-shrewdness. The CNY-i-give-you-hong-bao-must-make-sure-i-give-you-an-equal-amount-or-more mentality that many of the elders (my mom and dad's generation) have tried to inculcate in us. Not that successful since i am not very particular on the amount part, but the gesture of giving has very well stuck to/on me. And now that i have started to earn my keep, it is a fantastic feeling to be able to spend your hard-earned money on a tasty treat or nice gift for someone else- knowing that they would like it or appreciate it a lot.

and i know giving usually kind of implies self-less giving without expecting any returns, but as an extension of the chinese mentality (call it stereotyping or what), there is a phrase that aptly describes it- 礼尚往来. In the best possible way, within my best ability the way i would translate it would be something along the lines of - giving and receiving is like a circle- a process, that symbolizes the goodwill and intimacy between the two parties; that if one party stops the act of giving or receiving, the relationship between the two is somehow halted, or diminished, or worst still, damaged.

to be honest, i like to give a lot, because it's actually a nice feeling.

and of course, it's awesome to be given a lot back,

which is why i like generous people.

petty people make me feel foolish for having poured out so much time, commitment, money, effort- they make me feel sad for having been the party that was so one-sided-

like an unrequited love. (in the figurative sense)

of course yes i am not criticizing anyone,

and i suppose in all senses most traits/attributes can be seen as both strengths and weakneses-

petty could actually mean that one is very thrifty, which is very useful, really.

and like i said earlier, generosity without control would be recklessness.

but anyhow, i suppose this is why i like generous people.

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like most maladaptive behaviours, i know it is maladaptive.

(anorexia is one counter example that stands how- ah, these people, how blissfully unaware.)

most smokers know that smoke totally kills their lungs (not to mention gives you mucky yellow teeth, pft), druggies know that drugs could potentially wreck their health, and gamblers know that gambling could potentially wreck their life (jobs kids and wives included).

okay so now reaching here it's starting to sound like some anti-maladaptive behaviour campaign or what. but this is not.

in fact the voice of reason is (often) not the voice of action.

and thoughts often cannot override emotions/instincts.

(would you follow your head, or your heart/gut?)

it's uncontrollable.

if i could control it i would, but-?

sometimes it feels like the only thing you can get a grip on,

when everything around you is in some jumbled mess,

and people are just randomly freaking out.

you just do it, no fancy reason-

it keeps you sane, brings you back,

reminds you that you're alive.