On the way home

Technically I cant name this post [on the way home] because in actual fact I wasn’t really on my way home but rather on my way in search of a cheap dinner place. But, put that aside.
Felt really fed up and tired at choir today for some reasons I cant bring myself to or want to put down. Hmm. Its like seeing a really really weak flame wavering in the wind. Im feeling tired and want to break away. Backpack buddies, anyone? I can take the filth and dirt, unlike most girls =D and I can take the torturous trekking and walking and toiling on for hours. All tanks to my hardy dad. *pays tribute*

I should have gone to kap to eat with ash they all. But for some reason I wasnt my usual chirpy self and I didnt have the energy to pretend to be or want to pretend to be, so I chose the easy way out and went back to being my traditionally antisocial self. Goody. But I walked to the bus stop and there sitting together and waving were qian jing and ben [actually only qian jin waved. =_=]

I was feeling so burnt out I just landed my butt on the seat and hunched. I hunched. This is bad bad bad. Soon qian jins bus came and he left, with me stoning and ben talking to me, being in a extra weirdly good mood. Maybe cause he got B for art. Frmph. I nvr got B for art b4. always A, haha since primary school. La la la. Discounting the stupid handicrafts lessons which I sucked and still suck at. I have butter fingers. La la la. *looks away* actually I have a green thumb :) my plants always thrive la. Cos im a super green lover!

Back to my point. So ben was rattling on and on and I was stoning and smiling and zoning out [hey usually it’s the other way around, esp online. Frmph.]. den 157 came so I left first :P too bad ben!
It was weird but after sitting on 157 for less than 3 minutes, I suddenly felt like getting off to change to 156 to go to junction 8 to try out that shilin street snacks stall. Fired egg something or oyster mee sua or sth. I had exactly 3 bucks, so budget was not a problem.

So I got off at mac richie. U have to understand that this is really weird for me cos usually whatever I do is based on logic and on what I should do rather than what I feel like doing. But actually I AM a irrational person. I work based on gut. Hmmm, how paradoxical. Anyway so I sat there, waiting and waiting

Den I got tired. So I thought, if 93 comes first, I ll take 93 home instead of 156 to junction8. anyway, I hate shopping alone if I have nothing in mind that I want to buy in particular. Don’t you find it sad? Walking all those shops and looking at all the stuff by yourself? Like so sad.

It took a really long time. Its almost like life. Like sometimes, you cant help but feel like you re missing somethings. It feels empty inside, and you need something or someone to fill up the hole. But theres no one. And then when you lose hope and are about to start to walk away from the bus stop, or just stone there and forget about trying to get home, two or more of the buses you are waiting for come at the same time. Its like no choice, then suddenly so many choices. :(

93 came first. It was almost like fate was whispering in my ear. He said, you re not meant to do what you like, or act like you want, or have what you want. You ve lost the bet to me. You re mine

I dont believe in fate. But sometimes-
So I took 93 home. Walking home from the bus stop, I suddenly felt like getting sth to eat from 7-11, which was just a stones throw away, so I step off for food.
I like the feeling of 7-11. its like, its always there. Always there 24-7 for you, rain or shine, holidays or non holidays, weekdays or weekends. Its nice to know that someones there. It almost feels like a second home. Haha. And I always read those Taiwanese novels and the lives or lunches of the characters always revolve around seven eleven. It feels kind of cool. Like a cooler version of NTUC or sth. *smug smile*

Can you be there 24-7 for someone you love? I cant.
:( why why oh why. Why can people work like convenience stores? But in the end, its still just a convenience store. What can it provide you? A ready to eat lunch. Maybe tomorrows breakfast and even lunch. You can pick up a magazine, or buy a notebook. But how wonderful it would be if it sold bottles and bottles of-

Im dreaming. I once read a book about a special convenience store. The store sells anything, from happiness, to excitement, to friendship, to health to-
The list goes on
And of course this only ever happens in my dreams. Or nightmares

So I went to 7-11. I always buy stuff from there, but I ve never actually eaten there before, so I decided to use the microwave there away. There I was, paying for the food, then chucking it into the microwave oven and pressing the 5 button to cook the food. So fun. Haha. Just like the protagonist inside those Taiwanese novels. =P I always like to imagine im someone else.
I ate while standing. Actually some people find it cumbersome but im ok with it.

Across the road on the field there was some opera and soccer match going on. There were also huge tents with lots of people sitting under it, bidding for a weird assortment of items. For charity I suppose. So I crossed the road and ate while standing and watching the opera.

Pathetic. I think it was in hokkien or teochew, but I realized the only words I understood were simple basic words like you and me and other simple conversational dialect. Sad sad. I ve let my forefathers down. Its all by choice I suppose. When I was young, I paid absolutely zero attention to learning dialect. If not I could have mastered teochew from my father, hokkien from my mother, and Cantonese from my babysitter. Sad :( oh well. Its not to late now. I wont let the same thing happen to my children, in the case of Chinese

Speaking of Chinese, everytime I mention the word, some people screw up their faces or squint or grumble or make some comment or reaction that is extremely negative. Quite demoralizing. Partly because we re all Chinese and we should all love our mother tongue [im serious!] and partly cos of my dads influence on me, thus my love for the language.

Even though I suck.
I think I could never marry someone who dislikes Chinese. Its ok if hes lousy. I can teach him, unless hes better than me. Oh no that would make me lousier. Frmph.

Off to type comm. Minutes. Bb.