What made (the rest of) my day

 Even now,
at this time and age,

I find it amazing how finding a beautiful song can make my day so easily.

leaving and coming back.

Didn't realise how preoccupied/self-inflicted-busy i've been-

caught up in the preparation of work trips, religiously studying and planning which hotels to stay in, which areas are best to explore and photograph, what must-do things to map out and achieve when i reach there, creating google maps to measure the distances and best ways of getting between places-

I guess I'm a control freak sometimes like that- i just like to plan and be fully prepared for everything first before actually going there/being in the midst of things.




I love the idea of travelling, of being adrift, of photographing the foreign, of being cast away from my own land.

But what i love even more now,

Is knowing that I know someone waiting to embrace me, to breathe me, to love me and to catch up on lost time with once i get back

If you know what i mean. ;)

Dislikes

things i don't like

unclear instructions
inefficient processes and things
people who aren't straight to the point
bosses that don't know what they want




Okay, it's very me i know.

But when things like these happen i can't help but wonder why things could possibly be done in such a lousy/inefficient/roundaround/slow way?

getting out and in

it took me close to 2 years to officially get over a person-
my boyfriend, likewise, is a sentimental person. He hadn't dated anyone since the first person he really liked and went out with (but hadn't had an official relationship with) for years, before me.

The thing i don't understand is,




how can someone get over someone so easily?!?!?

一个人想。

说过的话，答应过的事情，
对我也好，对别人也好，对自己也好，



就算是小小的，

我会铭记在心。

只是难道是我太傻，太蛮不讲理，

原本那小小的感动，也只不过是随口说说的而已？

茶汤。

听了有很动人的感觉！

The most romantic thing

the most romantic thing i have ever been told, taken totally out of context, is

'i just want a much simpler job, 8-5...
why be so chiong? And lose all the time?



I wanna see you everyday....'
-----------------------------------------
This is random and totally uncalled for but suddenly I was thinking if I ever got married, if the engagement ring could be replaced with a/many really fantastic crazy holiday(s) how nice that would be.






I'm travel-greedy like that.

tears

in the ultimate show of lack of professionalism,

at my desk, my head bowed, behind my monitor,



I wept.
for matters totally unrelated to work.

I ought to be fired.

无言

As much as I despite and fear those who are exceedingly needy,
(ironically) I deeply envy them.

How are you?
Where are you?
What are you doing?
When can I see you again? 


I can't bring myself to say or to ask these things-
Not with you, not at these times, not like this.

I can't at all. 
---------------------------------------------
可笑的是，
相爱与被爱，
其实有时是回归比'一个人'还要孤独的寂寞。
---------------------------------------------
'I miss you'


is not the same.
Nobody knows if they mean it exactly the same way when they say it.

---------------------------------------------
The scariest part about falling in love is,

when you've grown all you can,
think you've known all (about yourself) that you can, down to the bone,


you love someone else,
then you discover a part of yourself that you never knew,
and sometimes you don't like it,
sometimes you don't know how to deal with it,


Sometimes you want to forget you ever knew that 'you'.
---------------------------------------------
我想说的是，
其实我想要的也只是很普通的，
跟大家一样的，


可是就是说不出口。

On loneliness

what is the value of being with someone if it actually fills you up whole,
but sometimes makes you feel emptier than you ever felt before?



That's the thing I can't answer-

I guess with life that's how things are;
you win some you lose some,
and nothing's every perfectly rosy or wonderful.

两个人的事。

其实，我有时质疑-

抉择是对的吗？你的也好，我的也好；
是真的想好了才做的决定吗？
他们说，‘对的人是对的时间遇到的人’ 是很有道理的，
可是对的时间，并不代表两人人生旅途上的步伐相同-
相爱了，又如何？那只是开始。
因为步伐不相同，日子也不一，那让我觉得吃力不少，我也感觉你相同。
两个人，两个人的日子，两个人的人生，
又该怎么去调和？

第一次真正领悟到在一起就是两个人的事，而不再是自己一个人的，是家庭的关系。
再来就是那时工作和旅行的事情。

我一生，从来不用对任何人回答-
最多就是对父母有个交待，要做出有责任，‘大人’的行为。
那是我第一次察觉，我的举动，我的日子，我的未来，我的自由，

不再是我自己一个人的了。

因为有了出了父母以外会担心和爱护我的人，而我想也应该，务必对这个重要的人有个交待-
去哪里，做什么，比较重要的事情都应该要先通知或商量，
因为我不想让他担心。


可是难道我错了？
好多次我都好想问，
‘为什么?' 为什么没有先告诉我？
你有没有想过可能那日子我原本空着，想可能跟你过？你不跟我过，我也没有关系，可是为什么没有告诉我？难道你就觉得自己的日子就是自己的吗？
为什么我的日子，重要的事情，我都告诉你？为什么甚至有些事情，朋友，也都是乘着你忙着没空而我自己有空我才去安排去见面？
因为对我而言你最重要，因为我想先让你知道，这也是对你的一点礼貌，因为我不在或忙的日子，你可能想跟其他人过，或是有其他打算，

我不想让你像我有时会一样

就这样等，
空着留给我。。。。

或许可能我错了-
我们期望想法不同？
可能你的想法不是想把任何你的日子留给我，而是看刚好两个人都有空的时候就一起度过？
而我的时间/日子，你的时间/日子，‘我们’的时间/日子
你又是怎么想的，怎么做？

我真的不懂。。。。


无奈这差距很莫名的让我很难过。

In the past,
things were simple-
Perhaps, if you were lucky, your first love was also your one and only, and your last.
These days, people love, break up, quarrel, forget, and love again.

Sometimes, i wonder,

What happens to all the things given to us by people who once mattered to us, or whom we no longer matter to?
Do/Should we keep them? If so, where should we? How can we?
If we kept every single thing that meant something to us at some point of time in our lives, how much space would we need?

If we throw them away, would we regret it?


these are the things i think about.