the moor's last sigh.

2012-01-29T23:49:00.002+08:00

跟你在一起以后，
错愕地发现自己有时，
竟然会变得词穷-

找不到适合的言语形容内心的感受；

只是很白痴的发自内心的笑着。

2012-01-20T08:50:00.005+08:00

看到我手机上挂着的小熊，
慧芬有点兴奋又感慨地说了，

‘就知道。

从那时候facebook 从一个人变成两个人的display pic，

我就知道ah tan 不是我们以前认识的ah tan了。
ah tan 已经变了。’

---------------------------------------------------------
有时觉得很难解释给你听-

在别人面前，
我是酷酷的；会照顾别人的（特别是女孩子），不拘小节，豪爽直接的。
这是周围的人所习惯的，期待而且希望的；一直以来都是这样。
可是在你面前，我怎么会-

变得‘可爱’，被你照顾，甚至有时有些优柔寡断，扭扭捏捏？

这些，我并不讨厌，只是觉得有些矛盾，因为-
这是我想没有人（我包括在内）想象的到/意料之内的。
也是很难解释/形容给别人的。

2012-01-19T22:20:00.002+08:00

I just can't seem to find the right words to express myself whenever people around me (however close) start asking about things very intimate or personal. A few days ago, a friend casually asked how everything was going along for me, particularly in the work and relationship-aspect.

Because over the course of our friendship I was never attached, though he did lament about relationship woes, I was never the one on the receiving end of being asked how things were. (Though on hindsight i never asked either, he always just spontaneously told)

I said,

2011 has been a good year for me,

things are going well,

and i'm thankful.

what i really wanted to say

(but was too embarrassed to was)

I think I found the love of my life and/but

I'm happy/overjoyed/scared shitless about it.

--------------------------------------------------
亲爱的，
可爱的，
最爱的。

六个月了！希望这一次没有算错！！
半年了。。真的蛮久了呢！

希望可以很久很久，
很久很久很久，
很久很久很久很久，
很久很久很久很久很久。
--------------------------------------------------

I have an irrational fear.

It's something that nobody can do anything about-

no amount of consolation, reassurance, encouragement or scolding can change it.

But it's not something bothersome or serious such that something needs to be done about it.

I fear someday you will no longer find my face cute, my curves sexy, my smell enticing, and my whole, me, as a person, lovable.

I don't know why, and i cannot explain it, but-

I fear one day, you might find/love another.

This is illogical/irrational/unfounded.

I know, i know.

But nothing can change it.

Only at the end of my life, looking back,

would i finally know if this fear is truly unfounded.

Do you have that?

irrational fears like that?

2012-01-10T14:20:00.000+08:00

had a really rough day, not due to work.

everything is just not going well.

got to pull myself together.

2012-01-08T01:34:00.002+08:00

Most people do their yearly review/look back/post-mortem (however you like to call it) on the first day of the new year, but as with all things sometimes I am a little in the mood for procrastination, or some other things take priority, so here I am looking back at 2011 on 8th Jan 2012.

I'm thankful.
That's the best way I can put it-
whatever ups and downs, wins and losses, getting lost and (then somehow) finding my way-
It's all not without a purpose. It's been a really meaningful and fruitful year for me-

Be it my family, my job, my friends, social life, my love-
2011 has been a great year for me in all aspects.

I'm very thankful, 2011, because in 2011, I learnt a great many things, underwent experiences, forged important relationships, and found amazing people.
In every single way, it has been amazing.

I'm thankful, 2011.
Most of all, because in 2011,
I found you.

---------------------------------------
回忆我们的点点滴滴-

其实，感动的眼泪是远远超于伤心矛盾的，你知道吗？

你真的好不可思议-
你让我忍不住感动。
---------------------------------------
'Sometimes I question if I am worthy of your love-
Your enduring patience, your comfort, your warmth, your assurance; all these inspite of my wilfulness, bouts of unreasonable, areas of imperfection. As with most things in life, there is no model answer- but I think the best is not to answer at all; the best is to remember this forever, and love you with my all.'
---------------------------------------
You may say I'm being silly, or that I'm saying nonsense but-
Sometimes I really think you are too good for me, and I, not good enough for you.

the problem with (some) people is that,
they think if they're not good enough,
they turn around and walk away-

But that's not the point-
I'm not good enough, but that's okay-

I will become.
Because i'm not leaving, ever.

2012-01-06T22:14:00.000+08:00

playing on repeat in my head.

------------------------------------
I'm thankful for all the chances given to me, and all the challenges, as well as the recognition given to me for the improvement and commitment i've shown in the past 1 1/2 year. Sometimes i really feel as if my heart can't quite take the stress and emotional up-down of things. But still, i'm thankful.

It's going to be harder to leave than i thought.

2012-01-04T21:23:00.004+08:00

感动。

太可爱，小女孩，女人味的东西，它让我觉得格格不入，或很不搭，有些尴尬；
可是你却常常让我感觉，其实我也能拥有那些可爱的东西，或做这些很女孩的举动。
而虽然很多时候，我可能看起来面无表情，无动于衷，可是其实，
很多小小的，那些可能别人，甚至是你觉得微不足道的，
让我感动到鼻酸-
你的傻气，你的好玩，你的可爱，你的可考，你的成熟，你的细心，

知道要是突然眼泪流出来，会吓着你，所以才忍着-

恋爱中的人都是这样的- 我那样告诉自己。
莫名的为一些小的事情感动-

可是其实心里，我还是觉得-
我们和别人是不一样的。

为什么？

因为很多的‘第一次’都是与你在一起/献给你。
任何人而言，虽然最初的很有可能不是最美好或最终，可是无可否认它是特别的-
一种其他无法相提并论的特别。

那就是你让我有的感觉。

第一次的接吻，第一次的味道，第一次真正的恋爱-
你，这些，是我最初，最特别，也是我希望是我最终的。

想念你。

2011-12-20T08:18:00.000+08:00

想念你，就像是一丝绸，它很长很长，怎么织也织不完-
想念你，也想一首歌，在耳边不断的播放，旋律一直环绕着；

就是这样想念着，
没办法控制，

怎么办?

2011-12-19T20:00:00.000+08:00

you know that people care, that things/you matter, that they love, they bother-

you know it; deep down inside, you know, in better judgement,

you know it.

but sometimes,

you just can't feel it.

-----------------------------------------

‘为了自己而活-

不为朋友，家人，甚至爱人-

不-

你应该是为自己而活。

关怀，疼爱，安慰；这些些

这都是我们都需要，都渴求的，

可是最崇高的，

(还是)应该是自由。’

-----------------------------------------

it's not out mischief or wanting to stand out from the crowd, but sometimes I am particularly fond of doing things that alarm or shock people.

It's because i enjoy watching their reactions (or non-reactions, for that matter) to my behaviour/actions/expressions.

People can be so amusing.

2011-12-17T00:00:00.000+08:00

亲爱的！！！

happy 5 months!

希望这次我没算错。。。

在一起快半年了，你时不时还是会令我有很莫名的鼻酸感动，

我真的不知道该怎么形容给你-

有时，看着你很认真的样子，还是你温柔的对我笑着时，

我会有一种冲动；鼻头会感到一点点酸，嘴角会扬起，

那感觉告诉我，除了你，果真是谁都不行！！！

虽然在一起有波折或误会，但我觉得，

那让我更坚信你，自己，我们！

还有，

虽然不在你身边，脑海里还是惦这你，

还是希望你能休息好，做好东西，

吃得好得吃饱，睡得很熟！！

多几天就回来啦！！！：）

2011-12-16T23:13:00.001+08:00

有了爱人，

有了牵挂，

多豪华的旅店，

多迷人的城市，

多美丽的风景，

脑海里都还是想着惦记着家乡的你-

多希望你在身边，陪我看着，感受着，聆听着这些。

亲爱的，

最爱的，

想你。

2011-12-14T14:41:00.003+08:00

never in my life have i felt that travelling in a country was so fraught with frustration.

a semi-malfunctioning laptop (with no LAN, no videocamera, and a 40 minute battery life), unhelpful and unfriendly hotel staff, less-than satisfactory wifi/LAN policies, and being in a country that's firewalled against the rest of the world-

i can only say that it must have been n times that i sighed in frustration, wanted to blow my top but in the end just resigned to fate and tried to look on the brighter side of things.

Yes, china (Beijing, to be specific) can be quite spectacular.

but i'm never go back again, ever.

Not unless i have to.

Good riddens,

and Good bye.

2011-12-07T00:54:00.002+08:00

原谅我的任性，

原谅我的无理取闹，

原谅我的蛮不讲理-

我会变得更加懂事，体贴，

为了你，因为你，

我愿意。

---------------------

(你让我) 感动得无言。

真的，

我是说真的。

2011-12-06T08:02:00.003+08:00

好几个早上起来，

就是原本没什么感觉-

只是脑袋些空白，可能些肚子饿，

慢慢还有一种很不符合逻辑的害怕-

害怕不再被爱，

害怕不再被想念，

害怕不再被需要，

很难形容，这种感觉。

然后就刷牙洗脸换衣服上班。

可能感觉就会渐渐变浅。

---------------------------------

I must be logical

I must be reasonable

I must stay rational

no unrealistic expectations.

---------------------------------

爱的人，是你，

想要的，是你。

就是你，

你而已；

你。

---------------------------------

(其实)我还是希望可以一直很体贴，很有耐心，善解人意。

真的希望，

希望，

即使有时(会)任性，会不耐烦；

心里想做的现实又很难做到，感觉很矛盾很难受-

可是还是希望可以一直这样。

2011-12-03T00:32:00.001+08:00

sometimes I feel a sense of very uncalled-fall loneliness and I cannot explain why.

2011-11-30T08:00:00.002+08:00

(因为)记得那时，你很认真地说，

想用相机拍摄我的每一个画面，

想用kino录下我们在一起的每一刻，

为了‘以后’'

我们能一起看，一起回味我们年轻时的时光-

那时，

你说的那个‘以后’，

比起任何‘以后’的玩具熊，礼物更加动人-

我感到鼻头一酸，

一种无比的感动吞没了我-

我感到很幸福，

很快乐。

-------------------------------------------

have you ever started out a day feeling that everything was (going) wrong-

but ended it thinking that things would actually be quite (al)right?

yesterday was exactly that. :)

2011-11-28T20:51:00.002+08:00

我爱的是你，

我要的是你，

别的人，

别的东西，

都不重要。

因为我只爱/要你。:)

--------------------------------

加油啊！！！

辛苦多几天，

煎熬就能度过了！

加油加油加油，

亲爱的，

最爱的。

2011-11-28T07:57:00.003+08:00

亲爱的，

我爱的，

最爱的，

抱紧我，

亲吻我，

安抚我，

告诉我是我傻瓜，

没事，一切是误会-

不是你费，你一点也不！

(因为)你是我最爱的。

以后回头望我们会笑着现在的自己，

是我(们)想太多，是我(们)太相爱；

那么莫名其妙的小误会，

会去珍惜所有的艰难，

会很幸福快乐的；

一切都会很好。

(因为)你是我最爱的。

2011-11-27T22:54:00.003+08:00

are things supposed to turn out like this?

it's not how I wished for them to be,

those are not the things I wanted to be saying,

it's not the kind of situation I hoped to be happening,

not at all,

thing should be simple, and happy-

it's not any one's fault, or anything's;

just that....

---------------------------------------------

I wanted to say,

('i love you')

hug me,

hold me,

love me,

not things like 'please don't disappoint me'....

not like that,

not that way...

it's okay, things will be fine,

misunderstandings as they are....

2011-11-21T08:27:00.003+08:00

when you pine for someone so badly,

when you miss a person so much,

so illogically you can't explain it-

though you were just together 5 minutes ago?

it's crazy, it's irrational, it's stupid, even-

but it's uncontrollable.

Now I start to understand why people get married-

(because they want to minimise their time apart,)

because they can't bear a minute more of not being together.

2011-11-21T00:00:00.000+08:00

让你担心了，对不起－

是真的有些疲劳，加上身体酸痛，又下雨，又拿很多东西，

又有出乎意料的事情发生（妈妈突然说要来），就觉得很累。。。

那时你的朋友说的话，

只是把我心里的疑点说出来－

我太好玩，太天真，太不成熟；

我没有去确保做的一切是为你最好，

反而有时太随便。。。

其实我只是觉得很无奈－

看着你很辛苦的样子，心里觉得好心痛，

我才发现自己其实根本不懂得怎么好好照顾一个人－

所以才对自己觉得有点失望又难过。。。

那是跟你没关系的，别难过。。。

可是很多东西，是需要努力的，

是可以慢慢学习的，

我希望我能照顾好你，

所以我会慢慢学习　：）

2011-11-10T08:00:00.000+08:00

how can I improve?

How can I become better?

How can I capture that beauty I see within my eye?

these are the things I (sometimes) preoccupy myself (perhaps too much) with.

------------------------------------------

我没告诉你，可是，其实-

这些我都知道，明了；

那些投向我，

羡慕的眼神。

因为像你这样的男孩/男人，

能找到，真的不容易。

------------------------------------------

we spent an entire childhood being cajoled, caned, forced, pleaded, teased, pleasured into a lifetime of education of useful things that we probably don't like-

and then upon graduation,

we plunge into something useful again-

when is it,

can we/you/I find the kind of 'meaningful' life?

2011-11-08T19:04:00.002+08:00

我知道你无法无时无刻照着我-

即使如此，

你的鼓励，你的解释安抚，

我还是很感谢，很满足。

----------------------------------

you told/tell me,

you know I am strong,

and therefore you chose me.

the thing is, I cannot refute that statement-

I want to meet your expectations, and therefore even if not, i will become-

and even if not so, for my own (foolish) pride, i will (find some way) to become.

and therefore that gives me no room/reason to be weak.

this the reason why I always say you are sly/cunning.

2011-11-07T00:30:00.003+08:00

我一直觉得，恋爱是两个人的事，

但是婚姻关系到的是两家人-

而‘家庭’是很复杂的东西

这些我一直都知道，也认同，只是-

对我而言，我一直觉得自己还是‘女朋友’，

没想过带了回家，就可能等于是‘媳妇’，

而那意味着不一样的眼光，

会有不一样的期盼。

而虽然我不是最好的，最得体，端庄的，

可是我一直都是很简单自在地活着-

因为心爱的人而被比较，很矛盾，

即使多好，毕竟不是自己家人，

被别人说了，很渺小微不足道，

还是会-

心里还是会有一丝伤心。。。

真的是让我措手不及，

鼻头一酸，不由自主就。。。

或许还没心理准备-

这些还算是遥远的事，

或许因为你现在还在读书，

或许我（们）还只是二十四岁，

甚至有时我会想，我们能熬多久？

我只是想很简单的爱着你，恨快乐的在一起；

这些东西，我未曾想过，竟然会如此沉重。。。

因为是认真的，因为是爱，

这些东西是迟早要面对的-

鼻酸伤心批评比较也好；

能忍就忍，能吞就吞，

只是-

我，熬得过那么久吗？。。。。

这些事，又该怎么告诉你？

而告诉你了，又如何？

于事无补啊。。。

让你难过，

让你担心，

真对不起。

是希望你可以快乐，别担心，才没说-

我不希望因为这些东西让你分心，

所以才紧抱着你，说‘没事了’

我也是那样催眠自己。。

因为真的希望能永远在一起。

----------------------------

it's horrid I know, but sometimes I simply give in-

there are times when you know there is no solution

(perhaps it is not even a problem?),

therefore you give in completely and surrender,

you just cling on to things with dear life,

with all of whatever's left within you-

it's just how long you can keep holding on.

2011-11-03T08:09:00.003+08:00

想抚摸你的脸，

想靠着你的肩，

想躺在你怀里，

想吻你的嘴角，

好想。。。。。

2011-11-02T08:30:00.000+08:00

Imperfection(s).

for what seemed like quite a while, though i was reasonably good at it, i refused to draw anything that was too realistic, or as how i perceived it then, 'not beautiful'.

Sketches of real places, real objects, real people-

those did not interest me.

I was preoccupied with illustrating 'the perfect'-

Perfectly shaped faces, elegant looking noses, impossibly large beautiful eyes-

these were the ideal, in my mind.

Even if forced to depict something realistic, I found that I had a tendency to automatically correct features/aspects that i deemed less desirable-

a less slender waist would be made thinner; a chubbier face more sharp; smaller eyes, larger;

things like those.

It wasn't until i hit adolescence, that i started to appreciate the small imperfections, or deviations from the so-called/established ideals of beauty-

It was then that i started to want to draw nothing else but the imperfect-

real things, real places,

real people.

Living breathing, beautiful specimens of life.

With thoughts, feelings, reservations, emotion.

People who were strangers; people who i knew/know-

I wanted to recreate the kind of feeling/emotion these people evoked in me.

I've never looked back ever since.

-----------------------------------------------------

有些无聊，也不是很重要，

可是我没有理由的偶然发现，

其实自己的下巴，的确是蛮尖的。

就，objectively speaking.

好啦，拜给你。

算你厉害。

2011-11-01T08:00:00.001+08:00

"there are be 12345678865432123456789 reasons - good prospects, a respectable paycheck, an understanding boss, amiable colleagues, a conducive working environment,

but if it's not what you want to do (with your life) there's no reason to stay.'

-------------------------------------

when you first find out someone loves you (and inevitably at some point unbelievably finds you perfect), you are first overwhelmed with disbelief and doubt. Then after you get used to being perceived as perfect (or at least somewhat attractive), you start to become complacent and lazy, forgetting the little things and habits you used to religiously (if not at least occasionally) adhere to to maintain a more attractive outlook.

True?

I actually find that quite apt.

--------------------------------------

可能你觉得是小事，

可能它微不足道，

可是对我-

那是我最大的污点，最严重的缺陷。

但是，我还是告诉了你，

因为你，

是你。

是最特别的。

--------------------------------------

In a similar way why we are endlessly intrigued and amused by twins, and how the more symmetrical a face is, the more attracted we are to it,

the true reason (in my humble opinion), why people who look alike get together/become physically attracted to each other, is because by nature, humans are attracted so symmetrical things, or things that come in pairs.

finding similarities/grouping like with like is what we do best,

so it's really no surprise.

or it could be just a need for some inner comfort really-

because loving/liking someone really (physically/psychologically/emotionally) like yourself,

isn't that the best proof that you, are loveable/likeable?

2011-10-26T15:00:00.001+08:00

其实早有心理准备，

可能今晚就是我们一起吃的最后一个晚餐。。。

不知道你会怎么想，怎么反应。。。

你会生气？难过？惊讶？

你会转身离开？

真的不知道。。。

可是还是觉得要告诉你，

即使已算是以前的事，

即使你可能不再想在一起，

还是想告诉你。

因为两个人之间不该有秘密，

而你就是我向往的快乐，

我一直希望可以达到的，

所以我想告诉你一切。

---------------------------------

究竟为了什么

我一见你就笑

因为我已爱上了你

出乎你的预料

2011-10-26T00:00:00.003+08:00

Hullo!

i hope you can be happy, healthy and strong, for a long, long, long time.

you mean the world to me,
in ways i can't bring myself to express in simple words.

Happy birthday,

and I hope you can be happy forever.
------------------------------------------------
"There is always some madness in love; but there is also always some reason in madness."

Friedrich Nietzsche
-----------------------------------------------
I think my very first (and probably my last and final) wish ever, in my life,

was and will be to be truly free.

they say true freedom is ultimate chaos,
but it's something i've always longed for-

to be truly free.

2011-10-22T14:32:00.002+08:00

I don't think I've ever so desperately hoped for clear weather before in my entire life.

oh well, there's always wet-weather plan B.

2011-10-19T08:30:00.001+08:00

不可能天天都是幸福美满，开心快乐的吧？

误会，也算是难免的。。。。

别难过，那是误会，是小事，

现在没事了，我会陪着你。。。

----------------------------------------------

it's not the (small) pile of tissue, the annoying dripping mucus, the salty bits that somehow end up at the tip of your lip or the corner of your mouth, or the messiness of it all that i hate-

it's the tell-tale lumpy eyelids the next day.

2011-10-18T20:37:00.000+08:00

为了很芝麻绿豆的东西流泪是很无奈可笑的事。

2011-10-18T08:30:00.001+08:00

知足。

可能是因为家庭环境，或是妈妈个人的生存之道，从小我就被灌输应该懂得知足常乐的观念。

生活里渺小的，微不足道的，人也好，事物也好；那些点点滴滴，都是值得我们感恩，应该让我们好好珍惜的。活着，固然是应该力争向上，努力进步，人应该是珍惜自己所拥有的；即使有些方面或东西，可能他人会似乎比较有幸或比较占优势，可是我们不应该贪图或嫉妒他人。

就因如此，

我一直以来，都算是蛮知足的人。

可是，

不可否定的，

遇见了你后，

我好像变成了那个爱吃巧克力的男孩；

我对你爱不释手，想陪在你左右，

想闻你的味道，想躺在你怀里；

想在一起，想把你占为己有。

我开始变得贪心。

我忘了，

最出对自己的约定-

要提醒你和自己，学业第一！

自己做的事，一定要是为了你好，

自己的存在，应该是对你有补助作用，

现在回想起来，真觉得有些内疚。。。

真应该懂事点，让你更好的利用你的时间，

以后还有很多很长的日子会一起过，

这些东西，我会惦记在心，

再也不会忘记了！:)

----------------

As with most people, I usually associate tears with negative events/feelings/emotions-

they are water droplets that symbolize sadness, disappointment, fear, anger, frustration;

shame, dismay, confusion, shock;

(but)there have been these (private) moments-

lying by your side; looking into your eyes, gently brushing my fingers against your cheek-

there is this immense incredible unspeakable feeling that overwhelms me;

I become at a loss for words; all that i am capable of is a foolish smile;

I feel moved, I feel touched, I feel blessed, thankful, contented;

I am only vowels away from speaking the 'L' word-

(and) I find tears welling up in my eyes.

I suppose you can never believe the saying 'moved to tears' until you find it happens on yourself, then do you really believe it (can be) true.

2011-10-17T09:00:00.000+08:00

weekends fly by but time is always well-spent/things are always fruitful.

I just wish there was more of it.

--------------------------------------

加油啊！！！！！！！

>____________________<

希望一切顺利！！！！

2011-10-14T00:00:00.001+08:00

it's finally Friday, but, so what?.....

so what?

it was ':(' originally because there's nothing awesome to look forward to,

but because now I'll be meeting you,

yay.

----------------------------------

我常常告诉周围的人（你也包括在内），

‘不能重色亲友哦！’

因为家人以外，无条件接受，帮助，安慰，支持着的就是朋友，

友谊对我而言比金钱势力美貌什么任何东西都重要，

而我更觉得人们应该无时无刻的爱惜身边的朋友。

可是我的确是有些不好意思和小小惭愧。。。

朋友的存在固然对我意义深重，

可是我会毫不犹豫地承认，

你比任何人重要。

2011-10-12T07:38:00.001+08:00

I never thought I would think/act this way-

(in your absence)

if anyone of the opposite sex glances in my direction so much as 3 seconds more than normal,

I immediately put on my ugliest, most unfriendly unapproachable face.

in a social setting, I try my best to portray an undesirable image,

I keep any form of verbal/physical contact to the minimum,

and I look away.

it's random/stupid/illogical if anything,

but it's because,

if there's any good inside of me,

I only want you to see it.

-----------------------------------

有好一段时间，

我想像/感觉的‘爱恋’，

是被紫蓝色的雾笼罩着沉重的感觉-

那是有些快乐又参杂着犹豫的-

让人感到无助又安慰的矛盾。

一种无法形容的孤独，

另一个人却能知晓，了解，

而那个人也是那样同病相怜。

最孤独寂寞无奈悲伤，

会想起那个人，渴望他的安慰；

想要他的怀抱他的照顾他的存在；

后来才发现，

那其实不算是爱-

那只能算是一种自我沉沦，

或者可能，形形色色的‘爱’，

那不是适合自己的颜色形状。

过了一段时间，

思绪整理好，感情收拾干净，

心态有所改变，重新出发，遇到了你-

那时才发现，

爱是，原来最不经意的-

它是指缝间的点点滴滴，

最日常，最朴素，最不出众的-

它不符合逻辑又没有常理的；

有条不紊又有些凌乱不堪；

是黄昏草绿天蓝害羞的粉红色；

这是快乐伤心生气难过难熬兴奋害怕

都想着你，希望和你分享，渴望守在你左右，

什么时候（或每时每刻）

任何理由（或没理由）

想着，

惦念着，

这，对我来说，

才是最美的形状颜色。

-----------------------------------

"fall in love when you are ready,

not when you are lonely."

2011-10-11T08:30:00.002+08:00

最近发现自己很常扮鬼脸。

那算是有些不寻常的-

严格来说，大多数的女孩子都是爱美的；

拍照录影，即使没做什么，都希望留下甜美讨喜的样子，

而虽然我不算是很女性化或爱美，但也希望别人眼中的自己不是丑陋的-

可是那是几时开始？

开始觉得摆的脸会不会很丑，

脚看起来肥不肥，

脸照起来圆不圆；

这些开始渐渐变得越来越不重要。。。

是看到你有时夸张到惹人哭笑不得的鬼脸-

那时就想，要是能让周围的人都快乐，

那，那一点的‘不美’，

也其实是很值得，

很珍贵的。

而对我而言

你，很特别，

很珍贵。

--------------------------------------------

I try not to judge (though difficult),

after all, anything can happen,

and anything can be just/fair/lasting/beautiful.

but I wonder if it's true?

that sometimes you can tell (beforehand)

if things will last.

--------------------------------------------

念旧的人。

可能有些偏心，

可是我会很喜欢，很认同念旧的人-

因为我也是念旧的人-

所以看到/认识其他念旧的人，

会有同病相怜，有些心疼又了解的感觉。

我知道有些东西不是能用时间去衡量的-

但是，反过来说，

很多东西即使时间过了，也是不能轻易衡量忘却的。

而我觉得，太快，太轻易忘记一件事/一个人，

似乎意味着那段感情不认真，不深切，

或是代表人太轻易再爱上其他。

因为不轻易忘记，不容易爱上，而念旧。

这就是我觉得我们两个都共同的；

但我们见面了，

相恋了，

这也是，为什么我觉得，

我们跟‘其他人’不一样，

我们是特别的吧！

这能不能算是我的偏心！？:)

--------------------------------------------

playing on repeat in my mind (and also in my ears)

---------------------------------------------

“她原本对他死心塌地；五年的。。。在一起。。。

分手才两个礼拜，认识新的人，一个月就在一起。。。

我不是不看好，

就只是。。。等着看。’

2011-10-10T08:02:00.002+08:00

外面下着倾盆大雨，

除了有些慵懒和疲累，想多睡一下的感觉，

我在想，你有没有睡好？有没有盖被？会不会着凉！？

希望你睡得好。

2011-10-05T23:07:00.003+08:00

In the hustle and bustle of restless (and reckless) city living,

(almost) everything you need/want can come in a ready mix pack-

less effort, less time, less hassle.

more time for other (more) "important things".

Still, (to me at least)

nothing beats making something from scratch.

2011-10-05T14:00:00.001+08:00

midweek madness!!!!!!

sudden bout of nothing-to-do when the company intranet/database/server is down.

(but i'm not complaining-)

hehe.

----------------------------------------------------

Maybe it's because I've been rational, reasonable, thoughtful and law-abiding (for a good part of) all my life as a child/adolescent/student;

I sometimes have this impulse to do irrational, unreasonable, unthoughtful and reckless things.

mmmm.

----------------------------------------------------

Grown men (no matter how 'smartly' attired in standard 'blah' office wear) carrying umbrellas shading themselves from the afternoon sun during the lunch hour is decidedly over-feminine.

who decided?

Me, of course.

2011-10-04T08:32:00.003+08:00

on (rainy) days like these,

I wish I were lying by your side, watching you, fast-asleep-

I would gently touch your hairline, your eyebrows, your long long lashes, your heavy eyelids, your lovely cheekbones, your adorable nose, the stubble above your lip and your chin; perhaps I would gently kiss you on each side of your mouth, snuggle close; your body right against mine-

then I would heave a sigh of content and fall asleep.

--------------------------

我们才几天前见面，

为什么想你的感觉会日渐累计-

真的很不符合逻辑。。。。

--------------------------

Tuesday.

second day of the week.

I think I have leftover Blues from Monday.

2011-10-03T08:00:00.001+08:00

It's actually rather common in life,
can be (rather aptly) characterized by Gestalt psychology,
but seems rather counter-intuitive and illogical if you ask me;
as the wise philosopher Aristotle once said,

"The whole is greater than the sum of it's parts"

A + B = C
but C > A + B

to me,
that's when two people in love are together.

2011-10-02T14:51:00.003+08:00

double standards.

All my life I've prided myself on being someone very objective, very impartial. I (always try very hard to) never judge people too quickly based on anything, and I try to maintain similar expectations for myself, friends, family and acquaintances (except i have harsher/more strict standards reserved for myself only).

Recently, however, a friend of mine got attached to a girl who's the ex of another friend's brother, after knowing her for about a month so or less. I quickly jumped to conclusions, deeming their relationship as 'unserious' and 'casual', since judging from what my friend said, the girl seemed to not be over her brother yet, so perhaps my other friend was simply a substitute for the time being? In addition, in my opinion, one month doesn't seem to be long enough for two people to get to know each other.

In the midst of being so critical (though this was unsaid, for my own knowledge/consideration only), it was only when we talked that I realised how overcritical that I had been-

we had only known each other for a month, approximately, before getting together-

though it feels like I've known you a lifetime, and I want to spend my life with you together (forever if possible), so on what grounds is knowing a person for a short time a bad reason for two people to get together? What made me so unreasonable to think that we are the exception that everyone else is not? What was it that you and I have that I was convinced that other people don't? Perhaps we really are truly special (though no way of proving this), but undoubtedly I was being ridiculously biased and overcritical of others.

As the realisation dawned upon me, I felt ashamed.

Am I not capable of being genuinely happy for others? Am I not capable of respecting other's decision (whether the actions are against their/my better judgement)? Am I not capable of maintaining an objective and impartial stand?

Yes I am,

yes I have the capability....

so why haven't I done it?

it might seem silly and small,

but from this I've learnt to reflect on more of my small thoughts and actions,

and to (try even harder ever than before to) maintain objective,

always.

--------------------------------------------

I like being together with you because-

I find about things about myself I never knew before,

I (learn to) love myself in ways I never tried before,

It makes be (want to become) a better person,

most of all,

(it's embarrassing and stupid but of course)

Je t'aime.

Because I love you,

like no one I've ever loved before.

2011-09-28T07:58:00.003+08:00

on life.

I think it must have been the first time when I had gotten myself injured and gained self-awareness - It was then that I realised how amazing the human body was- that every cell in my body, the blood coursing through my veins, was rich with life, and the incredible capability of regeneration/recovery when damaged/lost. Of course regeneration is not for long/for life (that can be argued to a certain extent) but that's not the point-

my point is that it suddenly dawned upon me how amazing Life is, and how thankful I felt, having being blessed with the privilege of living it.

Sometimes I like to stand in the middle of a huge open space, close my eyes and spread open my arms, as if like an eagle soaring in the sky, or a plant, reaching out towards the sun-
every cell in my body, basked under the warm light; my body gently breathing in the air.

Everyday I am reminded by the simple/small pleasures in life,
how thankful I am for being alive.

--------------------------------

你曾问过我，有什么梦想想达成？

我那时好像说了，希望可以快乐。

可是快乐是有很形形色色的，它难以捉摸。

最大的希望可能就是遇到有缘的人，相爱，花今生相守彼此-

即使这，也是可有可无，因为一个人的生活也算简单方便，而姻缘的东西很难强求。。。

可是遇到你，就是那出乎意料之外的事！。。。

所以看起来好像愿望似乎会达成哦。。。：）

除了这些，我有个小小的想法。。。

这其实跟我的个性有冲突-

我完全没生意头脑，金钱概念有不强，

可是从以前，就希望开一间小小的夜间书店或是咖啡厅，

给那些晚上睡不着觉的夜猫子有个地方可以闲逛休息。

就卖一些书本，相机，好吃好喝的，零零碎碎的；

有空就跟不认识的人聊聊，整理一下东西，

有赚钱也好，没赚多少也好，只要能补足租金电费什么就ok；

就过着轻松，快乐，自在，惬意的生活。

不知道这个梦想，能不能达成？

日子还很遥远，我还很年轻呢！

2011-09-26T11:01:00.001+08:00

To me, to put things simply,
in the entire music universe,
there are only 3 kinds of songs-

songs that I don't like (and therefore are irrelevant and I don't care about),
songs that make me want to sing along (whether i am able to or not),
and lastly, songs that make me want to dance-

no prize for guessing what kind of songs these are.

-----------------------------------

meeting you has brought a subtle but significant change to my life.

2011-09-25T01:39:00.005+08:00

对于男孩子的胸膛，女孩子都会有很多遐想-

可能我说了你会觉得夸张，你会不相信，

可是每一次躺在你怀里，

每当我摸着你的脸，

你的眉毛，

你的眼睛，

你的脸颊，

你的鼻子，

你的嘴唇，

你的耳朵，

你的下巴，

你的胳膊，

你的手指，

你的大腿，

你的胸膛，

我就觉得－

有种无比兴奋快乐到快爆炸，

又很平静安全幸福简单的感觉，

就觉得自己快要被融化。。。。

嘴会想张开，很想说话，很想把这个感觉告诉你，

可是又不知道怎么 put the words into a coherent sentence??!!

所以就把嘴再关上，感觉很强烈的收在心膛，有点不知所措。。。

听起来很矛盾，我知道，

可是就是那样？！

(可能我这样说，很没有矜持可是-)

别的男孩子，管他是谁,

我都不管；我都没看，

因为我只想躺在你怀里，

我只想要你。

对我而言，

你是最帅的。

2011-09-23T23:56:00.003+08:00

As much as i hate to admit, despite my (supposedly) calm, confident and collected exterior, I guess all i am really is somewhat insecure deep down inside? Especially with regards to how other people look at me or perceive me to be, particularly if these people are my loved ones.

I can get ridiculously worried or caught-up over some comment that people said in passing, or something they may have repeated a few more times, but perhaps in jest-

I guess sometimes all i really want/need is for someone to reassure me that things are okay, or that i look fine; not add to my insecurities, to tell me that other people would judge me or look at me in that way because of my dressing or mannerisms....

it's a complicated feeling really...

2011-09-22T11:21:00.001+08:00

i know when you're on Medical Leave you're supposed to rest,

but somehow i can't get over the immense feeling of guilt that everyone's busy at work while you're dwindling at home or sleeping your time away!?

then my hand just hovers over the mouse to click on my office email and to resume working on the report....

2011-09-22T09:00:00.002+08:00

they say it's because it's called the 'honeymoon period',

they say it's because it's hot-blooded youthful passion,

perhaps one day we would tire of each others face,

perhaps someday this would all come to pass-

but you're my first thought when I wake up,

(all throughout intermittently in the day)

and my last thought before I go to bed.

maybe stupid it sounds,

but it's true.

-----------------------------------

understandable human beings have emotions and it's inevitable that there is some carryover or overlap from one domain of life, let's say, the work sphere, and another e.g. home sphere, but my rule is that positive emotions should be carried over and shared with, but negative ones resolved or left where they came from.

The reason why we have so many different spheres of social interaction, in the first place, in my opinion, is because each of them (i must have said this only about a thousand times) have the potential to be a form of support, encouragement or positive reinforcement that aids you when you are performing less desirably or are experiencing difficulty in another.

That's why I think positive things can and should be brought over, but negative things should be at best resolved but if not possible, then left where they originally were-

Otherwise it's unfair if someone's frustrated at you for no good reason?!

It's not easy to achieve but I still think it's important

and that everyone should at least try.

-----------------------------------

how can I become more understanding?

how can I become more supportive?

how can I be more thoughtful?

how can I become more sexy?

how can I be more beautiful?

how can I become smarter?

how can I become irresistible?

Trivial as it sounds,

these thoughts sometimes preoccupy my mind.

2011-09-21T09:00:00.000+08:00

taking risks.

Contrary to what you may (or may not) think, I wasn't born adventurous and open to risk-taking.

For a good part of my life, I clung on dearly to what I had known, found comfort and sought solace in what/who/where was familiar to me, not thinking for even a moment that I should venture or leave. I was timid, risk-averse, and conservative.

Strangely, not for any particular reason or life-changing event (perhaps i just grew up), I started to become more open-minded and adventurous in adolescence. It's a funny thing, because the way i look at it, the risk-taking nature in human beings follows a rather peculiar shape/graph-

It is close to zero in infancy, it peaks in childhood/adolescence, and then falls back to a blur/blah during adulthood, and perhaps for some people, peaks again in old age. It it when we have our parents to comfort and egg us on, and when we become all old and crinkly with nothing else left on our minds, that we finally find the courage/foolishness inside us at it's strongest? Because if you ask me, it's rather counter-intuitive that adults are risk-averse, which is actually the case for most people.

Perhaps the success or lessons learnt from youthful folly serve as reminders not to step into unventured realms again?!

In that case perhaps I hadn't taken enough risks when I was younger-

that explains why I perceive things/people/the world this way now?

It's really hard to explain why or convince others,

but in a nutshell I just think that life is short,

and you haven't lived if you haven't tried everything.

(well almost everything. I'm not that greedy)

2011-09-20T08:46:00.003+08:00

Rain through the sunshine?!

peculiar weather.

but I'm not complaining.

----------------------------------

It just takes a little bit of this, a little bit of that
A little bit of laughs, a little bit of pain;

You roll me, control me, console me
(Please) hold me;

You guide me, divide me into whole

you complete me.

2011-09-19T20:45:00.006+08:00

Happy two months!

回过神，我们在一起也两个月了！
不知道是算快还是慢，因为其实日子还是很漫长，路途还是很遥远的啊！

要是现在来说，大多数的人活到80岁，你才23，我才24，才不过差不多1/4，还剩好多！

不知道为什么，虽然才两个月，却感觉好像跟你在一起很久了。

有时甚至会觉得，你好像怎么比我还要懂得我自己，那也太过夸张离谱不可思议！？

说是‘知己’一点也不夸张-只能套你常挂在嘴边的话，‘similar but not identical’ 来形容，其他词汇根本不接近！

虽然感觉仿佛已经了解，摸清你，当然还是有很多的‘你’，我还想要/需要认识，学习。

也还有很多的‘我’，我自己也在慢慢的习惯，接受；两个人在一起，虽然在一起的时间是花在另一个人的身上，学习他的喜好，习惯，温习着他的脸蛋，笑声，身上的味道；可是就算是一个人的时间，那也是一种自我寻找，自我反省，自我接纳学习的旅程-

那个要是没见到‘你’，没爱‘你’的‘我’-

那也是需要学着习惯，学着接受，想着如何改进，融入原本的自己的。

那是一种很矛盾，奇妙又很难形容的感觉。

回想起朋友那时问起，‘你们两个是认识多久才在一起的啊？’

就想想看，差不多三个多月吧？那样想，也还其实蛮快的，就决定在一起了。可能对你而言，那算是你预料会发生的，或是至少你比较有心里准备的，因为眼神竟然会被你看穿了啊！？那点还真的让我觉得有些不屑，因为那样我岂不过泛泛之辈，就跟其他甲乙丙丁女孩一样，眼神轻易被你看穿？！看来真是功力不足，还得努力改进@#$%^&*&^%$#@。。。

对我而言那段时间，那时的心情，之前跟别人发生的事情，伤心，难过，心碎，内疚；那些参杂很多混乱的东西都影响着我，不想不经意伤害别人，也害怕受伤，不敢付出真心；原本就整理好思绪，决定好定心不再动摇；然而你的出现，对我而言是出乎意料之外的事。

也不是很夸张惊天动地，或是轰轰烈烈-只是一种无法控制感觉，渐渐的酝酿在心里，慢慢的累积，滋长，越多越多，多到。。。最后结果还是大脑比不过小心，就在一起啊！哎。

可能就是就是觉得，时机对了，感觉对了，

该见的人见到了，想推也推不了，

就很自然的，那样。

可是两个菜鸟在一起，还真是辛苦啊！

自己从来不是善于表达自己的感受，

而且虽然我个性算是比较直接爽快，

可是总觉得女孩子总该多点矜持，

所以开始觉得你像木头人一样，不解风情，

还会觉得你有时怎么那么不勇敢，没多点自信；

可是你想法细腻，待人温柔，很举止体贴；

被你说的话，你流露的眼神，感动得眼泪直流-

只能说是一种无奈认命！因为拿你没办法，输给你！

要是你是个聪明的人，那我就是那个被你骗了的笨蛋。

可是被骗，也是算心甘情愿，无怨无悔吧！哎。。。。

虽然有些误会，困难，或是一些不顺心的小事，

希望你还是可以很专注的，很充满自信勇气的去追逐你的理想，

加油啊！

希望我们两个，

都能够成为更好，更成功，更有自信，更开心，更爱彼此，更爱自己的人！

写到这里，不知为何，

突然觉得好好笑！

这也就是很好的一个‘summary’，

纪念我们在一起两个月，

总觉得，

以后还会更多烦恼，好笑的事情等着我们去经历。

小运，能遇到你，真开心。

2011-09-19T15:46:00.002+08:00

Being polite.

Perhaps it was my (considerably strict) upbringing, or the nature of my parents’ profession; I had been taught, growing up, that being polite, sometimes to the point it being excessive, is virtuous.

Greeting and bowing to teachers (in primary school) when I saw them, saying hello to fellow classmates, being punctual for classes and meetings, being sincere in delivering apologies when making mistakes or if in the wrong/being inadequate/needing assistance from others, and giving due thanks to others when help is extended. Things like these.

However, perhaps it was because I was never really taught how to accept apologies or thanks properly- it resulted in a strange feeling in me whenever I am/was apologized to or given thanks to.

For apologies- as much as the one delivering the apology, I would be overwhelmed with a small sense of guilt as well (unless it was a serious matter and the other party was obviously in the wrong)in causing discomfort in the other party to the point of having to deliver me the apology. On the other hand, when people thank me, it’s stirrs a slightly strange uneasy feeling, like feeling abashed, but for no particular reason; like I suddenly don’t know what to do with my hands and they’re just dangling there at my sides. I just try to quickly brush things aside and change the topic to go on about other things, because, usually it's no big deal.

But that being said, as much as it is important to give,
I do understand it is equally important to able to accept.

Evidently this is one area in me that leaves much to be desired,

and that I would have to try to improve.

-----------------------------------------------

Some days you wake up feeling like everything is quite alright.

You feel neither happy nor sad,

You feel neither busy nor free,

everything feels quite adequate, quite sufficient,

and you feel content.

Today is one of those days.

2011-09-16T08:00:00.002+08:00

Playing on loop on my playlist (and also in my head)

is this song from 2007?

I must have heard it before, it's so familar...

Damn! I'm so outdated....

---------------------------------------
To keep dwelling on how reality differs from your ideals; to remember times that you needed that someone (and perhaps told/did not tell the person) but that someone wasn't there; to keep in your heart the words that person (may have carelessly/thoughtlessly/accidentally) said that (unknowingly) cause hurt to you; to retain disappointments from past occasions; to live in the misunderstandings between the two of you;

in life it's easy to dwell on the disappointments, the imperfections, the losses-

but, really, is that the way you want to shape your life?

some people spend an entire lifetime trying,

but they can't seem to get things right.

to me at least, somehow, perhaps,

The secret to loving someone (for a good and long time) is to

be ready to cry (more than you'd like to),

appreciate every single sacrifice and gesture,

show understanding (more than you think possible),

and to love yourself even more than you had ever before.

it's not easy,

but it's achievable, I think.

-------------------------------------

"love is a journey of mutual self-discovery"

i came up with it,

and i'm rather proud of that.

-------------------------------------

why do people give themselves/their minds in to countless social norms/ media constructed ideals of the 'perfect' partner?

For girls the ideal is someone (hopefully significantly) taller (perhaps with broad shoulders).

To be specific, at one point of time I remember my female (and some male) schoolmates spread urban legend that if you want you rest comfortably on your boyfriend's shoulders, he should be (at least) 15cm taller than you are.

Utter rubbish. I had (though quite happily at that time) rested my head on the shoulders of boy I was fond of (at that time), and to my immense disappointment, found it not comfortable at all. Firstly it was because he was slouching in his seat, so the 15 cm (or more) height contrast did not make a difference at all. Second, I couldn't seem to find the right spot or 'ridge' in his shoulder that my head could rest on such that it wouldn't hurt.

For guys i suppose it would ideally be a girl who is smaller or shorter, so the guy can demonstrate his physical prowess/superiority to 'protect the smaller/weaker'.

Also utter rubbish (in my opinion). Imagine a massively tall guy dating a midget woman. Kissing would be virtually impossible (unless she sits on his lap all the time of course, which still wouldn't succeed unless she sits on a 5-10cm thick cushion)- either his neck would ache from bending down too much or her legs/toes would cramp up from trying to tip-toe/reach up all the time. Not the best of situations, really.

Ideals are ideals, but sometimes it's good to be realistic.

-------------------------------------
"I guess they were right; you can't expect much out of giving too much love.

You'll just run out of it."

My sentiments/fear exactly.

but sometimes (if you're lucky) you get some back-

(though maybe not enough; not at the right time)

but sometimes,

it's enough to get by.

2011-09-15T08:00:00.003+08:00

In life, there are two kinds of people.
Those people you grow up with, and those that with whom you don't/they don't-

It's strange, because though human life is marked by the process of 'growing up', becoming 'mature' and 'developing', to me, at least, growth is not a constant process, neither does it occur at the same rate.

Sometimes ages can pass by but there you remain, the same-

the world's a whirl; time flies by; people break into your life, things get done-

still you/they don't grow up; you/they don't get 'bigger', you/they don't learn.

but then there are also times,

when some things happen,

when you meet some people-

and you find you grow up really fast-

(whether you like it or not)

you discover things about yourself you never knew,

they could be bad or good, interesting or mundane;

sometimes it scares you, sometimes it makes you content;

it's not really within your control, regardless.

(and) I always thought it was easier to be with someone after you've both (almost) completed growing up already-

known almost everything you need to know about yourself; fell down countless times and (then)picked yourself up; learnt from previous mistakes and finally become crystal clear with what you want (with yourself and life),

and now, still, I think that's true.

but though it's not easy,

you make a hell lot of mistakes,

maybe get hurt and lose part of yourself along the way,

but I suppose growing with somebody,

that's a lot more meaningful,

isn't it?

------------------------------------------------

记得第一次听到这首歌时，那感觉。

就觉得，

怎么可能会有人有相同的感受，

还把它写成歌，唱了出来？！

------------------------------------------------

I knew it, it's as I predicted;

it fell totally within my expectations,

but still let me relish actually saying it/typing it

'My boyfriend is Vice-president'

ha.ha.ha.

2011-09-14T08:00:00.002+08:00

Theory of superposition.

I never thought of it this way before,

but i suppose two individuals in a relationship are just like waves and superposition-

When they meet,

if things go well, they hit it off, they fall in love, they get along,

smiles, laughter, hugs,

support, comfort, intimacy,

care, encouragement, proximity, love-

it's like constructive interference.

if things go badly, they end up hating each other's guts or they fall out of love;

tears, anger, disappointment,

quarrels, disagreements, fights,

misunderstandings, solitude, distance-

it's like destructive interference.

Because that's what love does to you,

it makes some things (a lot) better,

& also some things (kind of) worse,

doesn't it?

----------------------------------------------------

In the recent years I've slipped into a (rather peculiar) bad habit/practice of determining whether I wanted to read a certain book or not.

I would flip to the very last page of the book,

read the very last bit of the ending,

and then decide if i wanted to read it from the start.

I still do that almost all the time.

and I know books are just books,

whereas life is, well,

it's life-

there are limitless possibilities/potential outcomes,

and anything you or i do today,

could change how things happen later, tomorrow, near year-

but still, i wish i could flip to the very last page,

to see what the ending of my life looks like.

---------------------------------------------------

sometimes you knew things would be difficult,

you appraise the situation difficulty and your ability to handle it,

then perhaps you decide in your better (or poorer) judgement

that you think you're equipped to deal with them/things,

thus you decide to take things on,

and though you knew,

but,

you just didn't think that they would be this difficult!?

2011-09-13T08:00:00.002+08:00

"Some people spend a good part of their lives worrying that someday they would be betrayed by the ones dear to them; they fear that they would no longer be loved, valued; they live in constant doubt of any value of themselves, feeling inferior to others, with a perennial doubt plaguing their lives-

but Why doubt? Why fear?

Why worry on the uncertain, why focus on the unknown?

Put your efforts elsewhere, put every single bout of energy, every last bit of your strength into becoming someone better, stronger, smarter, prettier.

Someone who would charm every individual in the crowd;

someone who would turn every head in the room;

Make them never want to leave you;

Make them never think that thought.

and even if suppose he/she/they really chose to leave,

make it such that it would make them regret for life.

become someone irresistible."

---------------------------------
opportunity cost.

the thing about life/time/things is that there lies the central problem of economics, scarcity.

There are an unlimited amount of things that we want to do, but only limited resources (time, effort, money) that we can expend on trying to achieve these things, and thus arises the concept of opportunity cost.

If instead of going to watch a movie with A, I decide to stay in and talk with B, is my time more well-spent? is spending $500 on a pair of Ferragamos more satisfying, or spending $50 on 2 pairs of brandless shoes and saving the rest? If I marry girl B, that means I can no longer marry girl A (unless I am Muslim and live in Malaysia but that's not the point), is that what i really want?-

Committing oneself to one thing/task/person at one time potentially means that your availability is drastically reduced for other potential things/tasks/people,

so is that commitment worthwhile?

a question we have to ask ourselves,

all the time.

---------------------------------

天天（在）学习。

---------------------------------

I know the reason why,

but I can't find fault,

I can't bring myself to say it-

I suppose some things would remain as they are.

---------------------------------

it's not that I'm cold and/or unfeeling-

anyone who (truly) knows me would deny that vehemently;

Hot-blooded, irrational, emotional, impulsive, work based on gut feeling-

these are more apt descriptions of the true personality that lies beneath the surface.

it's just that, looking back, reflecting on his advice, I think it's better-

better if I could (successfully) become that way,

it's in my better judgement, for my own good;

being like that is better-

it's better for myself this way.

2011-09-11T10:11:00.003+08:00

everything about this song is great,

except I can't believe the weekend's almost over already!

2011-09-10T19:01:00.001+08:00

2011-09-10T03:51:00.000+08:00

你好吗？

可能会觉得很累很辛苦，

可是就，加油吧！

你可以的。

-------------------------------------

Someone like you-

so beautiful, so elegant, so pretty, so youthful-looking, so exotic, so unique;

Someone who would make all heads turn once you step into a room;

even you, someone like you, would have eyes brimming with tears,

something already so long in the past, so much behind you;

your words gently spoken, almost whispered,

'infidelity',

the word you said-

a gasp, I tried to conceal, but my sadness/sympathy/concern I think I could not.

yes, even someone like you.

This is why I sometimes have little faith/expectation for the future

Perhaps (hopefully) the plain-looking have things kinder.

-------------------------------------

曾有朋友说过我太过悲观，

甚至有点到'emo'的程度-

可是我不那么觉得，

我只是觉得，现实点，

比较不会失望难过。

-------------------------------------
Some people like to think that true love comes in the form of an ideal mate/partner who loves you for how/who you look/are, and true happiness can be attained only from meeting that ideal mate/partner; they search tirelessly, endlessly, hoping for that 'right one', sometimes curse, and swear, and shoot others looks of envy and jealousy when they can't find it-

For myself, revelation came rather late,

and for some people, they take a whole lifetime, and yet still not realise-

People are mercurial by nature-

They can step in and out of your life,

start to love you and cease to love you;

basing one's ultimate/true happiness on external factors such as this is one of the most unwise decisions an individual can make, (though of course this is easier said than done), and hoping for someone to love the flaws in you in no way you can love them yourself is a foolish and unreasonable hope/request.

true happiness comes in the form of learning to love yourself-

learning about your weaknesses and strengths, being aware about yourself, and improving.

It's about becoming happy/contented with your looks, personality, character, way of life and living.

It's a constant drive to become prettier, smarter, more capable, more understanding, more patient- not so that other people love you more,

but so you love yourself more;

so you become who you truly want to be.

It's not easy,

but revelation's the first start.

-------------------------------------

最开心的事是能吃到感觉很爽的早餐。

离谱的简单。

2011-09-09T08:46:00.002+08:00

It's friday!

but I'm feeling tired and have nothing to be extremely happy about.

-------------------------------------

我觉得，对我而言，这辈子可能，

全世界最幸福的感觉，

就是我闭上双眼，

把眼睛再张开时，

你在笑着，躺在我身边。

夸张吗？我觉得一点也不。

-------------------------------------

illogical fears.

Freud once said 'dreams are wish fulfilment', but at the same time, sometimes dreams (nightmares, particularly) are your deepest, darkest fears, broken down; concealed, encrypted- awaiting your psychoanalysis, awaiting your deciphering.

Sometimes I have dreams so illogical, that the fear of it, when dreaming, is so real, real that I jolt out of my dreams into reality, eyes wide open, veins throbbing, hand over my heart; I have to rationalize with myself ("this is so ridiculous, it couldn't happen...it's really unlikely to anyway"), and yet even if/when I do so, some part of the nagging worry and bad after taste remains.

The best way to wipe it off is to dream a good dream, tonight.

hmmmm....

2011-09-08T08:00:00.001+08:00

Okay, so we haven’t exactly been together for like ages,
but still, it’s not like we’re newly together,

So why do I feel still bashful/get flushed when people ask me about you/us?

It’s to the point I feel my cheeks burning and I have to stifle a giggle.
It’s like I have some fantastic secret that now everyone knows.

Good grief,

this is so unlike me.
------------------------------
不能覆行的约定/承诺。

有时，做有些事情，不是为了他人-
是纯粹因为渴望，为了梦想，为了自己，
纵使没有人作伴，还是想达成。

可是当有了想法一致，热情一样的朋友，
那是一种无形的动力，的兴奋，的安慰。
那时约定要一起完成的，那时一起说过的承诺，

‘who pangseh first who die!!!!!’

结果还没开始，就已经剩下自己-
没有埋怨，没有怪罪，没有生气，
只是无奈，有点失望，伤感。

可是，这也都算了-
现在重要的是-

到底想不想一个人做下去？
------------------------------

I miss you,

I miss you-

but we shouldn't meet-

not till you're done with what's important anyway...

I hope my existence can be a source of help, not distraction..

------------------------------
Everytime someone tells me that they were ‘disallowed’ by someone else to do something, I have to surpress this immense urge to scoff inwardly at them.

It’s not that I’m hostile or cynical, but I am a staunch holder of the belief that-

no one can disallow you from doing what you want to do, if you really want to do it.

(There are certain very few exceptions of course, most prominent of which is if you are not perceived to be of the legal age to be capable of being responsible for your own actions i.e. not an adult yet, but this is not the point, so i will not digress further)

People can try to convince you in favour of their personal preferences,
they can advise you against it, they can recommend otherwise,

but no one can disallow you.

not if you are an adult, anyway.

(not if people treat you as an adult, anyway)

------------------------------

Living the high life.

admittedly while I have kind of slipped into a more generous, less thrifty kind of 'working adult' mentality, sometimes enjoy eating in a nicely decorated, slightly pricier restaurant, crave some kind of more sophisicated outlook, covet a certain pair of salvatore ferragmo flats, and eye maybe a marc jacobs bag that's sitting in the store window front,

I still don't get the concept of 'living the high life'-

my heart still aches when I take out my card/cash to pay for the meal; my mind still goes up in knots just doing the math when calculating the opportunity costs of buying the flats/bags, and i still don't feel cultured or 'high-class' enough to be living that kind of faraway 'high life'.

it's a complicated feeling.

2011-09-07T08:00:00.000+08:00

‎"Don't fall in love until you learn how to live a single life."

words of wisdom, indeed,

but heard too late-

I had thought all I needed to know, I knew already,

(but) we learn new things everyday,

all the time, everywhere-

Everyday I (can) learn something new.

-----------------------------------------

E.X.H.I.L.A.R.A.T.I.N.G.

no other word can suffice.

this feeling,

more than anything else,

I (dearly) miss.

-----------------------------------------

I guess it's either A or B, here or there, this or that-

people have to learn not to be too greedy...

I'd have to get my fix somewhere else...

hmmmm...

2011-09-06T18:25:00.000+08:00

有点混乱。

坦白讲，说是出乎意料之外的事。。。

那，感觉想法，除了惊讶，不知道还有参杂什么其他。

是不是不开心？是不是难过？是不是失望？

也不是这些。。。只是惊讶-

想到未来，

肯定意味着

时间会变少，

见面会变稀疏，

可是-

回想，

还不就是，

恰恰是这个原因，

才会喜欢上，才会在一起-

因为你周围的人都是快乐的，

因为你希望大家都能快乐，

那样想，

其实一切都会ok, 对吗？

真不知道该怎么想。。

还不就返回那句话，

‘再说吧。。。’

----------------------------------------

I remember I once said,

when 2 people get committed to each other in a relationship,

essentially nothing much should change, except that they are now together.

Of course it sounds naive like rubbish,

and it's insanely difficult to achieve,

but still I fervently believe.

----------------------------------------

对啊。

我会支持你的。

希望所有的东西，

你都能够做得很好，

那。。。

----------------------------------------

the best way to vent your caught-up emotions/jumbled up thoughts is to dance your troubles away.

2011-09-05T09:00:00.001+08:00

are things going too fast?

I don't know, really, because reality always turns out different from how I imagined it,

so lately I've slipped into the habit of not imaging anything at all-

Even if there happened some things that were unexpected,

somehow things/you/I/we seems/ed so natural,

so comfortable, so second nature,

so at ease.

(but) still I suppose it's good there's time (alone) to mull over the progress of things, to pine in the absence of, and (then) to appreciate better when there's time to (physically) get together again.

I miss you.

-------------------------------------------

跟你，

很快乐。

-------------------------------------------

found it!

been at the back of my mind since the time I first heard it on the car while we were heading out.

normally I'd be (slightly) embarrassed to like something so mainstream and popular (#1 on the local radio charts? pft.) but today I don't really care.

"I've got the moooooooooves"

2011-09-01T08:00:00.000+08:00

Yesterday on my way back home, in my rush to get on the train, I ran down the stairs and my slipper broke. 100m away from the train doors (which were still open), I stood my place, shocked for a second, then got myself thinking on my feet about how to salvage the situation.

I was right below raffles xchange, which I was dead set sure would have sold shoes (of any sort), and also I (always) had the option of going home barefoot (which I had done before already) but-

raising my right wrist, I pulled off my hair tie, wrapped it around my slipper (and left foot), then sat down, waiting for the next train, as if nothing had happened.

Sure, I got a few curious glances here and there,

but if it were you, what would you have done?
-------------------------------------------
Two songs I have always and will forever dream of dancing (on stage) to.

-------------------------------------------

别担心！

加油！你可以唱得很好的。。。

放轻松。

我会支持你，

即使不physically在身边，

我会为你加油！

别担心，相信自己。

2011-08-31T08:11:00.002+08:00

I am feeling very, very, very (physically) exhausted.

But I am feeling very, very, very, very

wholesomely (spiritually, mentally and physically) happy.

------------------------------------------------------

整天和你赖在一起，

就算是没说什么，没做什么，

看看你睡觉的样子，

躺在你的怀里，

摸摸你的脸，

也觉得好开心。

------------------------------------------------------

why does it already feel like Saturday?

2011-08-29T15:11:00.003+08:00

Recently two close friends gave me a watch for my birthday because they noticed that I almost never ever wear watches (as opposed to accessories).

The reason why I don’t wear watches is simple- I don’t see/feel the need for it.
I have a (rather) good sense of time, and am able to estimate the duration of time lapsed between two events reasonably well (well enough to serve myself at least). In the even that I need to know the exact time, I have formed a (very bad) habit of looking around (sneakily) at other people’s watches to tell the time. Almost everyone else wears one, or has a handphone or some kind of device that tells the time, so why do I need it?

Another reason why I don’t wear a watch is because I can’t don’t really buy into the idea of wearing time on my wrist. It’s illogical I know, but I don’t like the idea of knowing exactly what time it is, all the time. It’s as if it exerts some kind of invisible pressure on you, pressurizing you to do things in a different way. All along I’ve been able to manage my time (in general, at work, in school, during exams, being punctual for meetings etc) decently well, so I am happy with status quo.

That being said, I am not unhappy with the gift- in fact it’s an extremely thoughtful and useful present.
Though my usual practice is not to wear watches, (as with my previous usual practice not to use perfume), I suppose practices can be changed and new habits can be formed.

Perhaps in future (occasionally),

there would be something else on my wrist aside from my hair tie.

-------------------------------

Today during team lunch my boss asked me what time it was.

I pressed my handphone to check the time and told him, 'it's 2pm'.

He raised an eyebrow, tilted his head (he was sitting at right angles to me) and asked,

'Who's that in the photo? Your boyfriend?'

Abashed,

I replied,

'er, yeah.'

2011-08-28T12:00:00.001+08:00

mindblowing.

超震撼。

(quite) literally.

but I'm not complaining :)

-----------------------------------

I believe that to be truly happy,

though you should/can derive your happiness from a number of different sources,

you must hold your own;

To have a holistic, well-balanced life, there are so many realms;

Your work sphere, home sphere, love life, social circle of friends, random encounters with strangers; all these are potential areas or causes for conflict and strife, but at the time can potentially be strong support cushions for you to fall back on when you are experiencing difficulty in any one area. Everything's a double-edged sword, essentially;

(And) in life, just as when there are times when you feel everything is going smoothly and things are exactly perfect that way, there surely will be some (small) pockets of time in which you feel nothing is going well and everything is in ruins; when all your support cushions fail- when work is stressful, when your family members fail to understand, when your beloved is busy, when your best friends are not there;

That's when you're on your own/you must hold your own.

Believe in yourself-

Believe in whatever you've seen, whatever you've not;

Believe in the strength that lies deep within you;

Believe you have the ability to take all that negative energy, change it to positive energy and let it run in you,

But in addition,

and also most importantly,

you must believe you have the potential and want to be truly happy.

If you want to/believe so,

then you can truly be.

------------------------------------

you move me,

you touch me;

you excite me,

you arouse me;

you make me laugh,

you make me cry (in a good way :));

you stir emotions/feelings in me like no one has ever before-

and most of all,

and best of all,

You make me happy. :)

-----------------------------------

You think it's just a phase,

You think it's youthful folly,

You think it's just a passing flicker,

You brush it off, so easily, without so much a care-

But i remain unfazed-

because I am determined, I am sure,

I will erase every single doubt you have from your mind about us,

time will tell,

just wait and see.

2011-08-26T00:09:00.003+08:00

one year and two days older,

looking back, it's almost like-

I can't remember who I was, where I was, what I was doing then-

on my birthday, in 2010, I wrote,

"for those who remembered (especially those who remembered without the aid of the facebook reminder function),

thanks!

i used to look forward to this day a lot,
and get a little sad when/if people forgot,
but oh well, the day is almost over."

I guess it's true that I still do get sad/disappointed when close people forget,

but I tend to be less concerned about this as I get older.

It's only a birthday after all.

------------------------------------------

你让我觉得，

为什么可以（让我）那么快乐？

------------------------------------------

My very first dream/aspiration was to be a ballerina.

As gender stereotypical as that was/is, it seemed to embody all I liked (as a child)-

Ultra feminineness, beauty, elegance, pink, fluffy stuff, blah blah.

As fate would have it, a less-than brave personality and a more realistic environment hindered any further thoughts of pursuing that dream- I was much too chubby and clumsy for it.

As I grew older, however, my love/(hate?) affair with dance did not go away.

In primary school as part of the compulsory school practice, I was, with the entire student body, made to audition for the school's chinese dance club. Most students were at best mildly interested at joining; I don't even remember how I felt. Whatever my sentiment, chubby as i was, somehow, I got in. So for a good remaining half of my primary school life, we spent our wednesdays? and friday afternoons in the dance studio, on the school hall stage; we even performed on national television overseas, and by the end of my primary school life, the beat of the music and a love for placing my less-than-slender leg on the bar to do stretching exercises was already deeply rooted in me.

After primary school I no longer did dance-

but/yet still it enthralled me, excited me, distracted me-

In university, now in the third year of my study, I suddenly found the urge and courage to audition for dance. It no longer matter if I was not the standard dancer's size six; it no longer mattered that much that I was not small or slim like the others; I wanted to feel that rush of adrenaline again, I wanted to prance around the stage, I wanted to feel the limelight shining down on my face, I wanted to dance again. And so I auditioned for dance, got in, and did not continue to do sets for the third or fourth consecutive year.

Sometimes some things are just a pastime, and you don't think you're good enough to be considered 'pretty good' at it, much less good enough at it to make a living.

But doing it thrills you, it sends chills down your spine, it helps you forget your troubles,

it makes you feel alive.

Time to revisit that feeling.

2011-08-25T08:00:00.001+08:00

I know, it's absurd, right?

How things can turn out so differently from how you expected/your ideal,

and yet you turn out being happy in ways you never imagined.

--------------------------------
朋友，

你是最理智，
最温柔，
最安慰，
最温暖的。

最不安的时候，
没人能倾诉的时候，
开始胡思乱想的时候，
无比兴奋快乐的时候，
都是想到你家楼下，
听你说话，和你聊聊。

你的祝福，谢了！
我也希望，可以那样啊。。。

会努力的。
--------------------------------
Yesterday, after being given a strange look and told 'it's been a real pleasure to meet you' and being whistled at (?) while walking out to buy lunch, it was the first time in my life I really experienced/realised how advantageous it might (possibly) be to be/look physically attractive.

--------------------------------

很不符合逻辑，

也不知道为什么，

但是被你拥抱就是有很被爱的感觉。

2011-08-24T09:00:00.002+08:00

這個過份認真的人生　懷念曾經多天真
習慣了分分合合
每次唱生日快樂　舊願望還未發生
又得想幾個新的

回憶只剩下局部
就算再和你倒帶人生　能是安撫的
那時環遊世界的夢也不再做了
只要依靠著

幸福是個秘密　享受卻不知情
誰夜裏重播的舊黑白片　想起是我甚麼人生箴言
我都感激　已經很隨心　已經很隨心

那天加班，有些疲累，

坐上计程车，车一开，

电台就开始播这首歌，

忍不住，就静静地跟着唱。

记得那时第一次听到这首歌，莫名的感动。

歌词也好，曲子也好，都是无比震撼。

有些人觉得这是很心碎伤心的歌-

可是我不那么觉得。

能算是，

一点失望，

一点快乐，

一点无奈，

一点知足，

一点随心，

一点平淡。

其实，这不就是人生？

--------------------------------------------------

"time is like cleavage-

if you squeeze it, you have more."

--------------------------------------------------

才星期三而已。。。。

为什么一直有像是星期四的感觉？

--------------------------------------------------

wants and needs.

sometimes, things are simple.

you know what you want/need.

Most times in life, it's about working to achieve what you want/need.

A decent job, more money to buy things, bags, clothes, cars, shoes, cameras, good food, to be able to travel/go on vacation,; the list of things go on and on. It's all a matter of how much effort/time it takes to achieve these things, whether attainment is possible, and if not possible, whether one is able to deal with not having these things in one's live (i.e. dealing with disappointment). Pretty simple and clear cut, it seems.

And at the same time, things are complicated.

Sometimes what you want/need involves other people, and people aren't you, so they don't know what you want/need, and so you have to tell them or they have to try to find out.

Sometimes it may seem unreasonable to hope/expect people to know what you want/need, but telling them directly loses the original meaning of the action/want. Telling a friend to comfort you when you are down, a lover to hold you when you need to be held, or a boss to give you encouragement when you are stressed; even if you are eventually comforted, held and encouraged, all these lose their meaning because to be given something only when asked for it loses the original hope for initiative and thoughtfulness underlying the action/gift.

Considering this, if you don't want to tell people directly what you want/need, then of course you may have to consider to give them time to find out, during which, you should/need to patiently wait in the meantime. Lastly there also lies the possibility that other people don't want to give you what you want, or are simply unable to.

this is the reason why (I find) social/communal living is sometimes difficult.

2011-08-23T08:00:00.001+08:00

don't know what to think really...

some things are for real, for sure.

Some one once said, 'you can think problems into existence'

and overthinking/over analyzing words/thoughts can give rise to misunderstandings.

maybe sometimes your gut instincts are right, but/and the problem lies in doubting them and asking for a second opinion....

It's really stupid now, looking at things,

looking at what an idiot I was...

i don't want to ever feel like that again,

it will never happen, again.

---------------------------------

活得快乐没有什么天大的秘诀，

就只是让自己很忙。

把生活里小小的空隙填补，

把时间排得密密麻麻，

把重心调整好，

放回自己身上。

让生活充实，

努力让自己快乐，

不再轻易被影响。

2011-08-21T11:12:00.004+08:00

thoughts.

sometimes thoughts are like clothes-

they need to be worn and re-worn, thoroughly,

then cleansed, soaped, rinsed, washed, spun around,

hung out to dry in the sun or the breeze of a morning,

for everything to clear, so that you can think them again.

-------------------------------------------------

如果害怕会厌倦，

如果顾虑终究疲倦，

不再喜欢，不再关心相爱，

就慢慢来吧！

不确定的，我也有，

顾虑担心，也想，

但很多东西是很难预料的-

人类而言，

如此善变的，

感情而言，

如此飘浮不定的，

海誓山盟，不确定的约定诺言-

无法达成，无法遵守

这些又有什么意义？

重要的是把握现在-

眼前确定的，

心里坚定的，

那也就足够。

遥远的东西，

就让它慢慢来吧。

-------------------------------------------------

am I a brave person?

Never thought of myself that way-

Always believed/thought I would meet someone so certain, so brave, so self-assured, so confident that whatever doubt in my mind would come to pass.

That I would be enveloped in the feeling whole, and uncertainly would just melt away.

It is the most ideal of situations and possibly the most unlikely, but still...

fraught by uncertainty and doubt,

sometimes it's like a constant internal battle,

being at odds with myself, with my choices, my decisions,

least of all would I think I have the capability to assure others.

and yet for some things,

for some thoughts,

some part,

things are certain.

Some things need occasional self-assurance,

but, I know, for sure,

they are certain.

If you are feeling fear, uncertainty, loneliness-

If you are feeling faint of heart,

place your palm over your chest,

over the thumping thing called your heart,

speak to it, for it would speak to you,

to tell you what is certain and true.

Be brave, be true.

-------------------------------------------------

我想，

就是那时，听你说了那句话，

就决定了，

不会先放手离开。

再多难受孤单，

不会先放手。

如果是你先放开，就会接受转身走；

可是，自己，不会先放手。

就是对自己的约定。

-------------------------------------------------

哎，

是真的，

出乎意料啊。

可是有什么办法？

就是这样。

再说吧，再说吧。。。

2011-08-20T16:55:00.002+08:00

‘relationship needs maintenance, not replenishment-

some people think that being in a relationship, they expect the other half to give them romance, surprises, tender loving cares and stuff, but isn't it better to be said that to have a good relationship, maintenance must be done by both parties that to continue taking care of each other, trusting each other, understanding each other. So now, if you agree with this, then you need no side-by-side companion, no surprise outing/meet-up with him.

You need maintenance... As for what kind of maintenance you need? That you should ask yourself...'

2011-08-20T01:14:00.002+08:00

today i was asked,
'is it politically right for a girl to make the first move?'

in the first place i can't quite come to terms with how inadequately this question is phrased (i am rather sure it probably isn't it's true intended meaning). Political in what sense? politically acceptable? How do matters of the heart relate to political acceptability/rightness? I really don't quite understand the relation. That aside, assuming what the asker of the question really intended to talk about was social acceptability of a female making the first move in the romantic sense, then we can look more clearly at the circumstance/situation.

Social acceptability is, well, rather obviously, determined by social context (duh). Different societies have different ideals of what is acceptable and what is less than desirable. Also, individuals within each society have their own ideals of socially acceptable behaviours, and most definitely have the ability to influence each other (though they may not necessarily want to do so/know they have the ability to do so).

Is acceptable for a girl to make the first move?

As stupid as it sounds it really depends on you-
No girl, i believe, would not like to adopt a more passive stance and be actively courted by a male suitor (assuming he is desirable by her standards); even I myself used to have hopes/ideals of being wildly pursued by a spontaneous and confident suitor. This is simply the influence of age-old practices and stereotypes that the guy should be the active agent in courtship while the female generally adopts a passive stand.

However, that being said, once has to acknowledge that we are no longer living in the 'old times'; this is 2011- with the uprising of so-called 'gender equality' and feminism, females most certainly do have the right and/or ability to be just as aggressive/take as much initiative as males in all kinds of settings/situations, be it in fighting for equal rights to education, working opportunities, and most certainly, in courtship of the opposite gender.

If you are stubbornly holding on to the idea that taking initiative is not socially acceptable and that is markedly hindering your chances developing a romantic relationship with a desired person, then perhaps it is time to adjust/contemplate your mindset.

If you (think you) like a person enough,

does it matter so much who makes the first move?

It's not who does the action first,

but that the action is made that is important, no?

if the concern of social acceptability/potential embarrassment is so much a concern to you such that you are not willing to take risks and take the first step,

then continue to passively hope for someone else to do it.

Perhaps if you wait long enough,

it would happen.
-------------------------------------------------

太多顾虑，

太多迟疑，

才造成遗憾。

别再思考-

有些东西，

靠直觉就好。

-------------------------------------------------

Matters of the heart are certainly more delicate,

the risks of injury, hurt and regret more dire,

but sometimes, more so than other matters,

(in my humble opinion)

it is best to be brave,

and to be true.

2011-08-19T22:31:00.000+08:00

以前觉得，

搭的士是很奢侈的一种做法-

那是只有有钱人，或是习惯乱挥霍的人才做的事。

说什么迟到，赶时间，怕麻烦浪费时间，那都是借口。

是去年开始，可能是开始做工了，

觉得花点小钱，能比较方便，不那么累，

才渐渐才是偶尔搭的士。

可是是最近才深深体会到-

搭的士的主要目的不是怕麻烦，或是方便什么-

它的含义其实不过是

买多点时间。

因为时间是宝贵的，分秒必争，

不留意，很快的一天就过了，

而对我而言搭的士主要的优点就是，

它让你从容不迫，

它给你多点享受的悠闲。

它让你买多些时间，

准备东西也好，

吃饭也好，

睡觉也好，

就是看你怎么衡量，

钱，和时间，哪个比较重要？

哪个比较值得争取？

对我而言，

即时是多几秒，

能看看你的脸，握着你的手，

那是值得的。

-----------------------------------

Contradictions.

Life is full of them-

A simple, most ordinary one, for example-

In front of you I would like to be (near) perfect;

at least decent, never unglamorous;

never looking spent, never looking tired,

never caught off guard, never smelling bad;

(Girls should always look pretty and smell like flowers (to me at least), though I realise that for some girls/people (myself certainly included), smelling like flowers all the time would be a rather unattainable/unrealistic goal)

and/but at the same time,

I like that you've seen me in my less-than-desirable moments;

looking tired, spent, dishevelled, scruffy, and perhaps smelling bad, even-

and in spite/despite of all this, it hasn't seemed to trigger an averse reaction in you to turn around and flee for dear life, or to change your mind and love someone else (not yet anyway)

but anyway that's not the point,

the point is that life is full of contradictions,

and so am I.

-----------------------------------

好不容易，

一礼拜又过了！

天啊，

明天就是星期六！

2011-08-18T09:00:00.002+08:00

wants.

In life it's natural for people to desire material kinds of comfort/goods-

We see people wearing branded clothes, carrying designer bags,

talking about fine dining, living the high life, all the time-

but sometimes it's as if I'm looking through the glass from the other side-

like some like of apathetic observer, looking in bemusement at some strange exhibit;

It's not that I'm trying hard to be low maintenance, or that I have a particularly misery outlook;

and to be fair it's not that the thought of wearing branded clothes, coveting some designer shoes or handbags, or the hope to dine at a fancy restaurant or live the high life has never crossed my mind-

it's just that,

these things, to me,

(at least now anyway)

are not that important.

---------------------------------

I cannot explain why,

but I believe that some spaces/lapses in time cannot be filled be any other or any other thing-

some battles are to be fought,

and some lonely spaces,

they are to be endured, filled up,

by one,

and one alone.
---------------------------------

playing in the van all the time everywhere we went (and also in my mind shortly afterwards) when we couchsurfed with James and the guys.
---------------------------------

sometimes I honestly miss the feeling of dancing/running so hard everything/everyone else in the world is totally blocked out and in oblivion-

just the music pulsating,

and the blood in my veins throbbing,

and the beat in my head, 1, 2, 3, 4, 2, 2, 3, 4....

--------------------------------------

There must be something bigger, more-

out there,

next to these vast landscapes,

across the endless patches of greenery,

in the midst of these never-ending forests,

we are but a small specimen of life.

There is something bigger, more meaningful.

We are all a part of something bigger, something more meaningful.

Strange as it sounds, somehow,

that thought makes me feel confused,

but also peaceful at the same time.

---------------------------------

I don't know why, and neither can I explain,

but (sometimes) I think,

but Happiness,

much like Youth,

will all come to pass.

---------------------------------

为什么？

为什么，你可以-

你让开心，很容易地就坐在我肩膀。

转眼，寂寞已经走掉了。

2011-08-17T13:10:00.001+08:00

bodies.

most people find that they at uncomfortable/insecure about at least one part of their body.

Maybe their tummy, their nose, their checks, their calves, their shoulders;

the list of imperfections and dis satisfactions just goes on.

but the strange thing about bodies is that-

when the bodies of two lovers are squidged up together,

these inadequacies/insecurities seem to matter less.

all that matters is the sound of you breathing together,

and the warmth of your bodies mashed up in two.

corny as it sounds, (never thought i'd be thinking this way)

pimples on the face of a lover doesn't stop you from kissing,

pudgy hands doesn't stop you from wanting to hold them,

messy hair, dark eye circles, a peeling nose...

i couldn't fathom how someone would find these endearing,

but somehow,

you do,

and to me,

that's quite incredible, really.

----------------------------------

routine.

and it's back to 930-630pm routine-

the dreary morning commute to work, the standard breakfast decision- bread or beehoon?

daily battles with the computer and not-so-user-friendly online database;

random chats with colleagues over lunch and physicians over small matters;

occasional freakouts over fieldwork cockups, technical problems...

----------------------------------

要是这是梦，

真不想醒来。

想一直赖在你怀里，想摸着你的脸颊，

想玩着你的指尖，想听你说话的声音,

想看着你的背影，想闻你身上的味道，

不想离开你身边。

2011-08-15T21:00:00.001+08:00

我回来了！

你好吗？

2011-08-14T08:00:00.001+08:00

oh, don't be such a bum!

don't pull a long face-

it's only been 9 days!

I'll be back tomorrow, already. :)

--------------------------------------

不知道你怎么想，

可是，

我想你。

2011-08-13T08:00:00.001+08:00

我快想不出东西写了。。。。

一起过写9天worth的东西，好难！

今天我只想知道，

你过得好不好？

希望答案是

‘超好的！’

2011-08-12T08:00:00.001+08:00

they often say,

'absence makes the heart grow fonder'

true?

but people also do say,

'familiarity breeds contempt',

and that with distance people grow apart.

what do you think?

-----------------------------------------------

In my next life, maybe if i was lucky enough,

i could/would be reincarnated as a sheep.

I'd eat grass all day, have my wool shaved off to make coats and scarfs, and perhaps eventually be taken to slaughter-

or maybe i could/would be a shirt hanging on the clothesline;

lukewarm from the dryer, hanging freely in the wind;

quietly basking in the sun-

life is about finding that peacefulness and feeling that small contentment about being useful/doing something useful for others, that i feel from here.

-----------------------------------------------

the skies are so blue here everyday (well, almost) that it's agfa diamond logo everytime.

but though the scenery is breathtaking and the people here are awesome,

things aren't best; they aren't perfect,

well, because-

you know why.

2011-08-11T08:00:00.001+08:00

我不在的第五天，

我希望天气好！

要是你有上课的话，希望不会太热！

太热的话会中暑！可是没有太阳，又会有点'low morale',

所以‘风和日丽最好！

要是你没有上课的话，希望下点雨！

下雨的时候睡觉，就感觉像是偷吃东西，

或是偷偷瞒着别人自己去度假的感觉，超爽！

所以下点雨，凉凉最好！

要是你有拍照的话，希望阳光好！

因为‘good light'是拍好的照片不可或缺的，

而当阳光好，很多的东西都会变得很生动唯美。

所以要是阳光照着，最好！

真希望今天天气好 :)

-----------------------------------------

Desire.

Sometimes you may pine for someone or desire for something very badly, but it may not really be up to you whether you eventually be with that person or get that thing, which is why I have always held the thought that it is best not to want something/someone very badly, because in the event that you do, but you are unable to get the thing/be with the person, then your heart would hurt very badly, beyond what is within your control.

But feelings/emotions-

Alas! if our the heart could be willed by the mind!....

I need you,

I want you.

2011-08-10T07:00:00.000+08:00

on the fourth day I am away,

I hope that you find a good song.

I know that you once said it before, and I long thought of the same thing before I even met you, but many a times I feel that certain times/phases of my life can be explained simply/

sung very aptly by a song-

A song is a simple but such a wonderful thing.

Meaningful lyrics; an unforgettable melody,

an exhilarating smile, a heartbreaking memory;

Music fills up my life in all the empty hours;

all the occasional vacant spaces-

all the solitude, thinking, time alone

without you, without them, without anyone,

it is music that has been there along.

眼睛看不见的，

耳朵，心里，

却感受的到。

so I hope you find a good song,

and that it is a happy and good melody,

that years later when you look back,

and you hear that song,

you will smile and remember,

'ah, this was me, then.'

2011-08-10T06:06:00.006+08:00

Traveling.

the past few days I've spent in New Zealand were beyond surreal-

Hitchhiked for the first time in my life- in the middle of a highway no less!

We met up in Tauranga and tried to get a ride over to Rotorua but were in bad luck. After a while we managed to get a ride in a van but it didn't take us far. Then a kind-hearted lady stopped and even offered us her place in Papamoa to stay when it was getting too late and she wasn't able to drop us off at Rotorua. A warm bed, fluffy pillows; a nice towel and warm shower; a warm carpetted floor, two friendly furry dogs; sunday roast for dinner, chitchatting over the evening telly; a good night's rest and then a full breakfast following after. Everything was so great, everything was too good to be true, it was so surreal.

After that we were headed to Rotorua, where we couchsurfed at James' place, which is one of the coolest places ever. James is one incredible person- he left school at 12 to become a gamekeeper of pheasants, after which he delved in heavy machinery, operating cranes, and such, then moved on to carpentry where he found his niche and earned his own business, but it wasn't enough to stop there- he became a project manager and now even a web designer. In his flat lives six other people, of which there's Rob, the Irishman, who's doing temp work in Rotorua; Cam, a kiwi, who's still studying and worked South America last year; a dude whose name i forgot but he owns the rockclimbing wall and cinema in town (how cool is that!?); Nico, the frenchman, who was on holiday in the South, and whom we thus never met but are eternally grateful to (for it was his messy room that we slept in); two other flat mates who return only on weekends and thus we never met either.

Due to the nature of James' work (he manages a few places in town such at the bathhouse, the farm on the mountain, etc), he could have most of his time to himself however he wanted it, and thus was free and very happy to show us around. we trudged up the mountain tracks , stood between the green and blue lakes, were shown the breathtaking view from the farm on top of the mountain; we took the perpetual smell of rotten eggs in the air (which i had grown so much to love); did some rockclimbing with other backpackers;Cam came back early after class and drove us to the incredible redwoods, helped us take photos while we did silly zorbing down the hills; strolled together with us in the park full of bubbling and smoking geysers; James took us to the bathhouse after closing hours, just the 5 of us, and we had an awesome time, jumping in from the hot pool to warm pool, running around like small children; drinking and chatting and just enjoying our bodies in the warm water and our faces in the chilly night wind-

it's crazy i know-

the two of my friends whom i backpacked with kept repeatedly saying how lucky we were, and in my mind i thought exactly the same-

I don't think i'd ever forget this.

----------------------------------------------

In July this year i think i found the person who i want to be with for the rest of my life,

but where,

doing what,

i don't know, yet.

that's one less question to answer, at least. :)

----------------------------------------------

'But you're not supposed to know what you want to do, who you want to be

you quit your job, you try other things, because things could always be better.

You could always find another job; the next job could always be better.

But if you don't try, you'd never know, you'd never see.

You could be better.'

----------------------------------------------

Thank you.

I cannot put into words how grateful i am for having met you-

it changed my life.

Though we haven't met for long; though i don't know you well;

though we come from different places, though we look nothing alike;

Seeing you was like seeing the me that i always dreamed about but thought i could never be-

so spirited, so brave, so courageous,

so confident, so sure, so at ease (with nature, with people, with yourself) and,

so free.

thank you, for telling me what you told me-

I think i can be where i want to go,

and who i truly want to be(come).

2011-08-09T08:00:00.002+08:00

我不在的第三天，

希望你一点点忙！

太忙的话，没时间做喜欢的东西，没时间看美女，

没时间和朋友闲聊，hth talk, 没时间拍照，

没时间玩电脑游戏没时间吃夜宵！

可是太闲的话，

会觉得很闷，觉得好无聊！

东摸摸西摸摸，觉得很没有用，

有觉得没好好利用时间，很不'fruitful'

一点点忙，

时间过得快，

又很充实，

所以一点点忙，最好！
--------------------------------------
happy birthday!

though I do not often say or show it,

I am proud of you, I really am.
Proud to be part of you.

Happy birthday, Singapore.

2011-08-08T08:00:00.001+08:00

on the second day I am away,

I hope you are dreaming/sleeping well.

Did you know sleep is one of the most important things in life?
Though people typically spend one-third of their lives asleep (assuming approx 8 hours of sleep daily for the entire lifetime, less sleep during adolescent life and more sleep during the elderly phase), and most people reckon that could be spent better, it is a crucial way of resting.
Sleep is also a heightened anabolic state, accentuating the growth and rejuvenation of the immune, nervous, skeletal and muscular systems. It is observed in all mammals, all birds, and many reptiles, amphibians, and fish.
During sleep, our body sheds all it's old and dead cells, which is why when we wake up we should bathe and wash our faces.

as for dreams-

there is no concrete evidence of it's importance or contribution to our well-being, but to me at least, I think dreams are important.
Sometimes life is full of restrictions/limitations; self-imposed or imposed by others; they burden your heart, and make your mind weary. Dreams are fantastic because you can do whatever you want, say whatever you want, be where you wished, with who you wish.

Freud once said, 'dreams are wish fulfilment'

wise words indeed.

so even though hall life is exciting,

and the list of things to do, suppers to eat is never-ending,

I hope you are sleeping well,

and you are dreaming incredible things.

2011-08-07T08:00:00.002+08:00

我不在的第一天，

我希望你有吃早餐！

早餐是我最喜欢的一餐，
也是最重要的一餐，
希望你吃得好
希望你吃得饱，

希望你吃得爽爽的。
---------------------------------------
thought I would always live like this.

---------------------------------------
以前的我觉得，

人是不能够/应该属于别人。

这个想法很难解释，
那种感觉很难形容。
就是觉得，

人，是自由的。

心也好，肉体也好，
不可能也不应该属于别人。

像秋天散落的枯叶，
飘浮不定，
自得其乐，
很自由。

可能是因为害怕，
觉得诚实，坦白，会让自己处在很容易被伤害的处境；
要是把心中的话，感觉，都一五一十的摊开，
可能会有重要的东西被拿走，
从此再也拿不回来。

我害怕那种感觉，

所以宁愿是片叶子，
漂浮不定的，
骄傲也好，
倔强也好，
冷漠也好，
孤独也好，

不渴望别人属于我，
也不让自己属于别人，

那是我的生存之道。

可是，
渴望自由，
却害怕寂寞，
那算不算是矛盾？

看到你，
你也没说什么，
你也没做些什么，
就已经感觉好像有重要的东西被你拿走-
紧紧握住了。

就只能说，
人生，有很多出乎意料之外的事，啊。
---------------------------------------

I already belong to you.

2011-08-06T09:58:00.003+08:00

I haven't even left but/and I already know when I'm away

I'm going to miss you like

crazy.

--------------------------------

2011-08-05T18:11:00.000+08:00

Cold feet.

Sometimes, before the eve of something really big, or something I have been anticipating for a long, long time, I suddenly get a case of cold feet.

I have second thoughts and start to feel fidgety and worried, and want to pull out.
For no particular reason really, because these are things that I am very certain of, things that I care a lot about, things that make a different to me/my life. Yet- still, I get this horrible feeling creeping from behind me, urging me
‘don’t go- don’t do it!’

Things like that.
It’s not that I have little faith in myself or other people/things-
It’s the fear that things wouldn’t turn out as fantastic as you anticipated/hoped so hard for them to be-
After all loads of things in life are unexpected, and people can be mercurial, fickle creatures, myself included.

It makes me scared.

Scared so bad I want to escape before anything has even started.
Why? These illogical thoughts plague me and I cannot explain why.

2011-08-05T07:58:00.002+08:00

it's finally Friday!

my brain's gone on holiday (before my body) and I don't know what to write.

2011-08-04T08:00:00.001+08:00

I know your eyes in the morning sun
I feel you touch me in the pouring rain
And the moment that you wander far from me
I wanna feel you in my arms again

And you come to me on a summer breeze
Keep me warm in your love
Then you softly leave
And it's me you need to show
How deep is your love?

I believe in you
You know the door to my very soul
You're the light in my deepest, darkest hour
You're my saviour when I fall
And you may not think I care for you
When you know down inside
That I really do

----------------------------

(never mind her luminous neon pink sheet dress)
her voice is heartbreakingly beautiful.

--------------------------------------------

i'd rather dance with you.

2011-08-03T08:00:00.002+08:00

比较。

人生很多东西不是绝对的-

需要衡量，判定，比较，

而如何客观地进行比较，是件非常苦难的事-

因为比较，

因为不想逊色，

因为不想不如他人，

所以会嫉妒，会不满，会生气，会难过，

会不快乐。

‘为什么我没有他们聪明？’

‘为什么我没有他有钱？’

‘为什么我没有她美？’

这些小小的念头缠绕着，

让人变得不快乐。

为什么非得和别人比较呢？

为什么不感激自己所拥有的，

努力地争取自己能进步，能达成的呢？

‘我可以比(自己)以前聪明’

‘我可以比(自己)以前有钱’

‘我可以比(自己)以前美丽’

那也就足够。

你，就是你。

独一无二，无法取代的。

纵使你不是世上最美丽，最聪明，最有钱的，

你可以让自己快乐。

--------------------------------------

even if you are not the most beautiful,

even if you are not the most smart,

even if you are not the most rich,

you can still be happy-

learn, to love, yourself.

--------------------------------------

不容易，可是天天在学习。

--------------------------------------

以前会觉得，

‘一日不见，如隔三秋’

古代的人真的未免太夸张？！

怎么可能不见一天就好像是pine了三个秋季的感觉。

可是自己真正体会到的时候，

连夸张的事，

都变得不夸张。

--------------------------------------

想见你，

想着你，

想你。

2011-08-02T08:00:00.000+08:00

虽然说，

人生都很多艰难，痛苦，伤心，难过，

常常看到人叫苦，呐喊，埋怨，

可是我还是觉得，

有好多东西是值得感激的-

就是有时起床，还是搭车，还是吃饭，

还是说话，还是跑步，还是睡觉，

还是，就是看着你笑着，

就会觉得，

活着很好，啊。:)

---------------------------

My mother once told me the best way not to feel loneliness/boredom is to be busy.

wise words indeed.

---------------------------

小时偶尔会想-

爱，

是什么样的颜色？

朋友的爱，妈妈爸爸姐姐妹妹的爱，

大自然的爱，所有活着的东西的博爱，

还有就是，

比较不一样的爱-

那是什么感觉？

那要怎么形容？

那会如何感受？

点点滴滴，这些那些。。。

偶尔就会那样想着。

有些人会觉得是那种轰轰烈烈的，

或是让人牵肠挂肚，日思夜想的，

甚至有些人觉得那是痛不欲生的-

形形色色，

那是因为，大家都经历不一样的爱-

即使同样是人，看着同样的东西，

眼底里专注的，脑里所思考的，都不一样-

何况是爱-

如此若有似无，似有非有的东西-

人是如何捉摸它？

对我而言-

(恋)爱就像是，夕阳午后-

紧闭双眼，伸张双手，把头侧向那天空，

感受阳光强烈地照着身上每一个细胞，

踮这脚指头，长长的影子斜吊在地面；

朴素的橙黄色，带有点羞涩的泛红；

它是静静的，却又是让人心碎的美，

它让人有点晕眩，又很温柔，

它是平静的，又有些兴奋，

就是那样。

你会觉得，爱，是什么颜色？

2011-08-01T07:58:00.002+08:00

possession.

Some people believe that in order to continue to keep possession of the things that they own, they need to constantly make others aware of it and make a loud and clear shout out such that others know it is obvious that they are the owners, and are not to be messed with. As corny as it sounds, I subscribe to the belief/theory that, you are only the true owner/you only truly own something/someone, if you let the person/thing go freely, and it comes back to you.

Of course it's not that you give up things without a fight-

If a thing or person is of great significance/importance to you, you make that known, take your stand, and hold on to your right. But (as paradoxical as this sounds), you give freedom, you give space; you let things/people go, and if true, they would come back to you.

Some people think that that approach is too laid-back, or see it as being over-confident, or not taking life/things/people seriously. It is not a matter of attitude, or about having enough confidence. The thing is, I don't see much point in holding back a heart that has changed, or things that have been altered irreversibly. However much it would hurt, in the long run it would be better for everyone if things were let go. And also, more importantly, because to me, freedom is a prized possession, I don't believe in imposing restrictions on other people. Life has too many already-

Things should be good, and easy,

people should go with the flow,

take things as they come and go.

Whatever/whoever truly belongs to you, does belong,

and whatever no longer belongs to you, would no longer belong,

no matter how hard you try to hold on to it.

---------------------------------------------------

With you some moments are so near-perfect I wish I could live in them forever.

2011-07-31T08:00:00.000+08:00

equivalence.

ever since I could remember, since I was young I was preoccupied with the concept of balance and fairness, or 'equivalence' in all things-

If I accidentally brushed my left knee with my right hand, for no particular reason (just to make things balanced), I would brush my right knee with my left hand; I would count the number of nuggets my mother cooked (usually 12), and ensure I only ate my due share (that would be 12/5 approx 2.4, rounded down to 2, the extra 2 in my opinion should be left for my parents); I tried very hard to treat people and things fairly, as much as I wished dearly for people to treat me as fairly as others.

but as I grew older, I encountered more and more people/situations that made me realise wanting/imposing/hoping for equivalence in majority of the things in life would sometimes be an unreasonable request. Usually you would think that it is reasonable to expect the same level of love/commitment/time/effort put into maintaining a relationship (romantic or not) with another human being, but from my past experiences it just taught me that that notion is ridiculous.

People come with different expectations and willingness to commit, and you cannot expect people to be as willing to work as hard as you, love as steadfast as you, work as late as you etc.

The most you can do is to do what you deem is most civil and reasonable, and hope for the best.

In whatever case/situation,

if equivalence is not possible,

I prefer to work more, love more and spend more time,

even though it may be deemed to be as stupid,

or as being 'on the losing end',

because somehow to me,

living is about giving your best,

even if you don't get all of what you gave, back.

------------------------------------------

想到可以见到你，

就是，

开心啊。

2011-07-30T11:09:00.002+08:00

the feeling of fingers tightly intertwined,

(the sound of)your heart beating so close to mine,

it feels so adequate,

it feels so right.

--------------------------

很奇怪，

很不符合逻辑，

无法解释，

不知道为什么，

可是，

每一个身上被你触碰，紧握，溺爱过的地方，

都觉得非常特别。

--------------------------

就是，

湿湿的，有点温热，有点柔软，又有点颤抖的感觉。

原来就是那样。

回想的时候还有点发呆的感觉。

哎。

--------------------------

Today we return to the place that housed us for 4 years,

that saw us through thick and thin,

that served us horrible food,

that stands while we stood,

that has special meaning and countless fond memories for us.

I wonder if I would be overcome with nostalgia when I step off the bus later?

Maybe a knowing smile, or would I be brimming with tears?

whatever the case,

It is those days that I miss, much.

2011-07-29T08:00:00.008+08:00

Is it true,

I often wonder,

that in life, in general, some things are good,

only because (there are) other things (that) are bad?

----------------------------------

Ideals.

we must have talked about this n times, (where n is a integer ---> infinity), had this conversation repeated so many times over the phone, me slouching on the sofa, her lying on her bed, over different times, different occasions, in the morning (less so since she doesn't get up so early), in the afternoon, at night, but still, this remains fresh in my mind.

Q always liked to talk to me about the future, about my ideals, about her ideals-

the ideal kind of future, the ideal kind of job, the ideal kind of boyfriend, husband, family, children, old age even....

the thing about ideals is that,

while they remain central to you and close to your heart,

sometimes reality shocks/surprises you in ways unimagineable,

like being caught by a sudden tap on the shoulder, or peck on the check.

originally you might have thought you wanted things to be in a certain way;

or hoped that people/things pan out how you anticipated for them to be;

but in reality when real time, real people, real things play out,

you find you are totally off guard and unprepared,

and yet,

somehow strangely

despite how reality strays from your ideals,

you may actually be happy in ways you never imagined you could be.

bizarre, life, this thing.

sigh.

----------------------------------
'tan, can't imagine you put two person pic as your profile picture, i will never do that'

neither did I, Soohf.

I thought I would/could be cool and aloof forever.

but I guess in life there are so many unexpected things...

ha ha ha.

Sigh.

----------------------------------

I think that if you meet someone who makes you happy,

such that you would like that person, to stay in your life,(hopefully),

for a very, very, very, very, very long time (i don't/won't say forever),

that is quite good enough.

perhaps the feeling is really very unsettling-

things feel just right, and everything feels so adequate, so right,

and you have this nagging voice in your head telling you, 'he's 'the one'

but 'the one' or not 'the one',

that's not important,

because I don't really believe in the concept/idea of 'the one'.

Separation in life is inevitable-

by death or quarrel, or divorce or whatever other means-

'The one'; it's a belief, like religion,

like santa claus, like the tooth fairy, like Jesus,

which in the case of all examples mentioned,

fortunately or unfortunately,

I don't believe.

The only way of knowing if a person is 'the one' or not the one,

is to actually live your life with that person, isn't it?

Perhaps at 80, at your deathbed, when the last bit of life is about to slowly leave you,

after you've lived and toiled through every thing together, grumbled and mumbled and shouted and cried and hugged and loved every single cell on each other's body, then perhaps you would then be bestowed with the good knowledge that indeed,

that person,

is 'the one'.

Still, IMO, there is no way of knowing for sure.

but a gut feeling is good enough, I think.

and to revisit my initial and persisting thought,

If you meet someone who makes you happy, such that you would like that person, to stay in your life, (hopefully), for a very, very, very, very, very long time (I don't/won't say forever)

that is certainly good enough.

2011-07-28T08:15:00.000+08:00

(你的)眼睛。

认识我的人都知道-

对我而言，脸上最重要的部分就是鼻子，

也说不上为什么，就是一种感觉。

而虽然别人常常说-

‘眼睛是心灵之窗’

我总觉得那是很过时，很老掉牙，很overhyped的。

可是还是亲身经历体验过，

才能够真正的体会那种感觉-

有时你说话，也不是什么很伟大重要的事

可能是很琐碎的，很平凡很日常的，

你厚厚长长的睫毛可能眨一下，

你的眼睛会望着很远的地方，

那样看着，看着一下，

然后转过头来看我，

就觉得，

那温柔的眼神；

那对闪闪的眼睛，

你眼底仿佛说着什么-

而你的眼睛对我静静地笑着，

我的心也那样地跳着，

感觉很温柔，

感觉很快乐。

也就是那样，

就觉得，

其实眼睛真的，是心灵之窗呢！

--------------------------------------------

sometimes I really do believe/think that it is almost as if the body has a mind of it's own-

it acts according to your heart's true wishes/your gut feeling,

against all heed/warning that you brain is giving,

sometimes against your better judgement,

sometimes for your own good.

but I suppose when the feeling is right,

I do things that surprise/embarrass even myself sometimes.

--------------------------------------------

I always believe a bit of adversity and challenge in life makes things better-

if everything came easy,

wouldn't things be less meaningful?

Perhaps not but people would certainly appreciate them less.

So uncertainy, risks, difficulty, troubles;

things like these, things more than these,

来吧！

我愿意接受考验。